*I just got really freaked out there for a second because let me tell you. I have e-mail through gmail..but that e-mail address is different than the one I sign into my blogger account. I signed in using my actual e-mail address e-mail and not my blogger account e-mail. It said, NO BLOGS CAN BE FOUND. Pulse = 200. I thought it all got deleted. Wooooofta. Not good.
* My work, no joke, keeps the temperature here at 95 degrees. I shit you not. That is what the thermastat says. I am literally roasting my ballsack right now. I am a freeze baby..and I love it warm. Anytime anyone comes over they always say my house is soooo warm when I think it feels just right. But at work, I sweat. And sweat some more..and then get dizzy some more..and then black out sometimes (nbd) and then sweat more. And if that is happening to ME, I can only imagine the misery of my co-workers. (they claim death status) I don't understand how this is plausible working conditions?? I mean, the old geezers obv get cold easy..but when they are now sleeping with NO blankets on because it is so warm..THAT TELLS YOU SOMETHING! What a waste! I would most certainly not want to pay the heating bill. I would, however, at least like to know how much it is..just to be a curious little son of a gun.
*I just made a resident a peanut butter jelly sandwich..and when I handed it to him, he said he wanted to pay me for it..which I insisted he did not have to do. He then grabbed my hand and put inside it literally probably 20 quarters. They fell everywhere, it's like he unleashed his piggy bank right smack in the middle of my hand. What.The.Hell. I obviously returned every single quarter but how cute is that? Cute old people sometimes I tell you.
*Okay so moving to Colorado is becoming more of a plausible planish kind of thing. Cody and I are really starting to discuss this business. Either we are moving to Hudson, or we are moving to Colorado. With our busy lives we have going on, I just have this feeling it will be so easy for us to just choose Hudson. That is why REALLY soon, I want to try to make a trip out there so we will have more drive to make that decision. I have been putting much effort into convincing Cody of this. I know we will fall madly in love with everything when we are there..so we just need to do it!!! Since I have zilcho money, and Cody is rolling in the dough..he would basically have to pay for the trip..which is why the "convincing" part is going on right now lol. I have a hoodie my friend Ashley wore in high school that is blue and just says COLORADO on it. I have been sporting it anytime Cody and I are hanging out..to do some more "convincing" with out actually "convincing. I think he might kill me soon.
*Cody and I are doing faaaaaaabulous lately. No really, we are. No arguing, we are having a blast hanging out, we are actually acting like a couple who really like each other (bonus!). Etc. Etc. Moving back in together has become a definite thang happenin! It's rather exciting, and I'm really glad it is happening. I was very hesitant that we could ever get things back on track but living seperately has done wonders for us. I am actually really really happy again. Everything in my life seems to have come back into place and makes sense. Cody and I are essentially inseparable now. Any time that we can spend together we do. I can tell he's a lot happier too, and I am just extremely thankful that he stuck by my side and loved me through all of my doubts. I'm glad I didn't give up fully and chose the route of living seperately and take our relationship back to the beginning and start over with the basics.
*This blog has seriously taken me 3 weeks to finish and it's not even that great. I was intending on writing more but I essentially just finished writing what I wrote before. Tomorrow night I work again and I will hopefully have time to start a new blog that I was meaning to do tonight before I realized that I had yet to finish this one!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
You betta believe it!
It seems as if it is about that time. That time in which I use bullets. Now, I realize most of my blog posts are of random shit that doesn't really go. But not all the time do I whip out the bullets. The bullets make me feel better people. They really just do. It is almost like a reassurance that it is okay to be random as fuck and say whatever I want that doesn't flow together topic wise. And that'll do er.
*The people that live below me are top notch definition of absolutely ridiculous. I always bitched about the old lady that lived underneath me..and now that she doesn't live there and these dingbats do..I feel bad I ever even complained about her! Let me just elaborate on some of the things that have happened. First off, I live in the upper level of a house. They live downstairs. It is a guy (mid 30's?) and his daughter (13/14?) First off, when they first moved in I knew I was in for a real treat. Dude had his friends over allllllll the time. Majority of his friends had no teeth, drive vans, and just look all creeper status. (This is me not being judgement just saying). One evening I got home from work at 3a tired as hell...barely even aware of what was going on around me..I was walking to my door and the motion sensor light of the neighbors all of a sudden turned on and it was a dude with out his shirt on standing there with no teeth smiling as big as he possibly could and he said.."HI!" What the fuuuuuh. Don't worry dude, I won't nearly shit my pants because you are standing here with out a blouse at 3am smiling at me with no teeth being all creeper status. He constantly had people coming in and out in and out..being loud as fudge. We have a 2 car garage and I obv get one side he gets the other. Well when old lady lived there she parked right in the middle...cuz she was like 95 er somethin and didn't catch the concept of parking on one side. So they lowered my rent and we called it good since I couldn't use the garage. Once new neighbors came it was just kind of a given that I would get my spot back. Nope. Duder parked both his vehicals in the garage. Along with all his buddies parking in the entire driveway and on the street so sometimes I wouldn't even have a place to park when I would get home from work..ON THE ROAD. When old lady lived downstairs I still used the garage as storage. Well dude started piling all his shit on top of my shit....while using both spaces. Upon talking to the landlord he moved one vehical out..but still has all his shit stacked on mine. I thought maybe he just figured that was his side of the garage since he just took it over...so I moved my stuff to the other side of the garage. To find out he would just stack stuff on my stuff on that side too. WTF! One evening he was having quite the gathering. In the basement. My upstairs reeked like cigs which I was NOT happy about. I am a mild smoker..so it's not like I care about cig smoke..but I freaking care if my house smells of it..the house that my kids live in smells of it! I went down to the basement to find a table set up with cig butts everywhere...and they were using my plastic storage bins as chairs...they turned them upside down and they were all bent inwards. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not cool man. Talked to the landlord about that as well. So the trillions of humans coming in and out came to a stop. Now its just every once and awhile he has visitors but still..they are all whack jobs of the nation. Weird as hell. I mean I know I am weird..but this is a diff kind of weird. Anyways. The other night Cody, I and the kids were sitting around eating dinner at the table. I hear a ridiculous pounding at my door...like holy shit what the hell. So I run to the front door cuz I didn't know what was going on and it was the daughter. (Her name is Mary Jane btw just sayin). She gives me this snotty attitude.."ummm can I borrow a stick of butter?" For one..are you planning on fucking giving it back? Didn't think so. So I just said sure and ran upstairs got her a damn stick of butter (shit ain't cheap). She just grabs it doesn't say thanks or anything. What the hell! Next day, I was walking out to my car and dude comes out, walks up to me and asks for my WIFI internet password. He doesn't want to have to pay for internet so he was just wondering if he could use mine. WTF!?!?!??!?!?! Oh sure so then mine can go slower cuz you will be using it downstairs too. Oh my lanta I'd love to share my WIFI with you!!!!!!! NOT. Get a grip on reality dude cuz you are whack as shit man. I thought that was like...the last straw of the last straws. Nope. Last night....dude turned his house into a dance club. Must have brought his subwoofer from his car into his house. YAY! Cody and I tried watching a movie last night..couldn't even hear it. BOOM BOOM BA BOOM BOOM BA BA BA BOOM BOOM. What in the fuuuh. Shaking my floor man and vibrating my couch! ALL NIGHT LONG. This morning...STILL GOING. Round 12:30pm dude switches from rap to techno. OH HAIL NO. I called my landlord and she said it was the last complaint and he was getting his final eviction notice..but she was going to call me back in a half hour. She never freaking did! The ba ba boom boom ba boom boom shit is still going on! Cody was going crazy and he didn't want to go back to his place with the kids because it was pouring rain out. This guy seriously just is a dumbass!!! Has no common sense what so ever at all. If it is still going on when I get home at 3 this morning I am going to freak and go knock on his door. Which is what I wanted to do when it first started but damnit anyways!! I hate even being put in the position to have to do that stuff!!!!! Ugh so frustrating!!!!!!!
*A resident tonight told me that I have the smallest boobs he has ever seen. Saweeeeeeeeet! My boobs are pretty darn small. No doubt about that. I don't even wear a bra anymore dude. I haven't for probably 3 months now. I will if I need to in a shirt so that it isn't ridiculously obvious when I'm a bit "chilled". But other then that..forget it. No reason to. Any bra I wear is just dumb anyways cuz it doesn't fit right. So meh. Whateves. Yay for smallest boobs a dude has ever seen when he is in his 80's and has 80 years of looking at totties! woot woot! P.S. Maybe too much information but pre-kids I had my nips pierced and I had to take them out so that my kids could suck the life out of them..and I'm really considering getting them redone even tho it hurt like the dickins and took forever to heal. Just saying.
*So a couple days ago I was more constipated then I ever have been in my life I think. My stomach was seriously rock hard and I looked like I was 15 weeks pregnant lol. Took me awhile to figure out why I was bloated as hell and feeling like death. Oooohh yeah I haven't pooped in freaking prit near 20 days. I had that issue a lot when I was pregnant and breastfeeding so lucky for me I had some Miralax in my cupboard of medicinal goodies. Obv opted to wait til Cody came over after work cuz whenever I take Miralax I get the farts like a madman and Cody loves every minute of it. I was so constipated that I didn't even get the farts. I. didn't. even. get. the. farts. Thought for sure I would wake up in the middle of the night feelin somethin or another but nope. Come morning time my stomach was a little gurgly and I felt somethin brewin but not really. Willy came over cuz he was watchin the kids when I went to work and he brought me a Caribou Coffee drink...with 3 extra shots of espresso. The last time I got ONE extra espresso shot in my caribou drink..I got the shits. So 3 extra shots of espresso! I was for SURE gonna take care of this constipation issue. Well...bad news guys. Caribou drink and Miralax decided to work at the same time, and let me tell you something. It felt like I lost 15 pounds no joke. Am I being gross right now? Are you disgusted reading this? #sorrybutnotsorryatall <-- I love when people hashtag this on instagram. Just saying.
*So, me and Rich (dude I work with) were just talking about relationships. He is in a relationship with a man right now, but was married to a woman for quite a number of years. I am bisexual as well, so we have very interesting conversations about the difference between being with same sex vs opposite sex. It is interesting to hear his point of view on things since we have completely different viewpoints being as we are of opposite gender. I don't really have particulars right this second, but I would like to elaborate more on this topic someday. I am feeling rushed because it is almost time to leave work and I hate leaving a blog half done because then I don't finish it for weeeeeeeks! So I guess I'll just leave it at this bullet and finish elaborating next time.
*The people that live below me are top notch definition of absolutely ridiculous. I always bitched about the old lady that lived underneath me..and now that she doesn't live there and these dingbats do..I feel bad I ever even complained about her! Let me just elaborate on some of the things that have happened. First off, I live in the upper level of a house. They live downstairs. It is a guy (mid 30's?) and his daughter (13/14?) First off, when they first moved in I knew I was in for a real treat. Dude had his friends over allllllll the time. Majority of his friends had no teeth, drive vans, and just look all creeper status. (This is me not being judgement just saying). One evening I got home from work at 3a tired as hell...barely even aware of what was going on around me..I was walking to my door and the motion sensor light of the neighbors all of a sudden turned on and it was a dude with out his shirt on standing there with no teeth smiling as big as he possibly could and he said.."HI!" What the fuuuuuh. Don't worry dude, I won't nearly shit my pants because you are standing here with out a blouse at 3am smiling at me with no teeth being all creeper status. He constantly had people coming in and out in and out..being loud as fudge. We have a 2 car garage and I obv get one side he gets the other. Well when old lady lived there she parked right in the middle...cuz she was like 95 er somethin and didn't catch the concept of parking on one side. So they lowered my rent and we called it good since I couldn't use the garage. Once new neighbors came it was just kind of a given that I would get my spot back. Nope. Duder parked both his vehicals in the garage. Along with all his buddies parking in the entire driveway and on the street so sometimes I wouldn't even have a place to park when I would get home from work..ON THE ROAD. When old lady lived downstairs I still used the garage as storage. Well dude started piling all his shit on top of my shit....while using both spaces. Upon talking to the landlord he moved one vehical out..but still has all his shit stacked on mine. I thought maybe he just figured that was his side of the garage since he just took it over...so I moved my stuff to the other side of the garage. To find out he would just stack stuff on my stuff on that side too. WTF! One evening he was having quite the gathering. In the basement. My upstairs reeked like cigs which I was NOT happy about. I am a mild smoker..so it's not like I care about cig smoke..but I freaking care if my house smells of it..the house that my kids live in smells of it! I went down to the basement to find a table set up with cig butts everywhere...and they were using my plastic storage bins as chairs...they turned them upside down and they were all bent inwards. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not cool man. Talked to the landlord about that as well. So the trillions of humans coming in and out came to a stop. Now its just every once and awhile he has visitors but still..they are all whack jobs of the nation. Weird as hell. I mean I know I am weird..but this is a diff kind of weird. Anyways. The other night Cody, I and the kids were sitting around eating dinner at the table. I hear a ridiculous pounding at my door...like holy shit what the hell. So I run to the front door cuz I didn't know what was going on and it was the daughter. (Her name is Mary Jane btw just sayin). She gives me this snotty attitude.."ummm can I borrow a stick of butter?" For one..are you planning on fucking giving it back? Didn't think so. So I just said sure and ran upstairs got her a damn stick of butter (shit ain't cheap). She just grabs it doesn't say thanks or anything. What the hell! Next day, I was walking out to my car and dude comes out, walks up to me and asks for my WIFI internet password. He doesn't want to have to pay for internet so he was just wondering if he could use mine. WTF!?!?!??!?!?! Oh sure so then mine can go slower cuz you will be using it downstairs too. Oh my lanta I'd love to share my WIFI with you!!!!!!! NOT. Get a grip on reality dude cuz you are whack as shit man. I thought that was like...the last straw of the last straws. Nope. Last night....dude turned his house into a dance club. Must have brought his subwoofer from his car into his house. YAY! Cody and I tried watching a movie last night..couldn't even hear it. BOOM BOOM BA BOOM BOOM BA BA BA BOOM BOOM. What in the fuuuh. Shaking my floor man and vibrating my couch! ALL NIGHT LONG. This morning...STILL GOING. Round 12:30pm dude switches from rap to techno. OH HAIL NO. I called my landlord and she said it was the last complaint and he was getting his final eviction notice..but she was going to call me back in a half hour. She never freaking did! The ba ba boom boom ba boom boom shit is still going on! Cody was going crazy and he didn't want to go back to his place with the kids because it was pouring rain out. This guy seriously just is a dumbass!!! Has no common sense what so ever at all. If it is still going on when I get home at 3 this morning I am going to freak and go knock on his door. Which is what I wanted to do when it first started but damnit anyways!! I hate even being put in the position to have to do that stuff!!!!! Ugh so frustrating!!!!!!!
*A resident tonight told me that I have the smallest boobs he has ever seen. Saweeeeeeeeet! My boobs are pretty darn small. No doubt about that. I don't even wear a bra anymore dude. I haven't for probably 3 months now. I will if I need to in a shirt so that it isn't ridiculously obvious when I'm a bit "chilled". But other then that..forget it. No reason to. Any bra I wear is just dumb anyways cuz it doesn't fit right. So meh. Whateves. Yay for smallest boobs a dude has ever seen when he is in his 80's and has 80 years of looking at totties! woot woot! P.S. Maybe too much information but pre-kids I had my nips pierced and I had to take them out so that my kids could suck the life out of them..and I'm really considering getting them redone even tho it hurt like the dickins and took forever to heal. Just saying.
*So a couple days ago I was more constipated then I ever have been in my life I think. My stomach was seriously rock hard and I looked like I was 15 weeks pregnant lol. Took me awhile to figure out why I was bloated as hell and feeling like death. Oooohh yeah I haven't pooped in freaking prit near 20 days. I had that issue a lot when I was pregnant and breastfeeding so lucky for me I had some Miralax in my cupboard of medicinal goodies. Obv opted to wait til Cody came over after work cuz whenever I take Miralax I get the farts like a madman and Cody loves every minute of it. I was so constipated that I didn't even get the farts. I. didn't. even. get. the. farts. Thought for sure I would wake up in the middle of the night feelin somethin or another but nope. Come morning time my stomach was a little gurgly and I felt somethin brewin but not really. Willy came over cuz he was watchin the kids when I went to work and he brought me a Caribou Coffee drink...with 3 extra shots of espresso. The last time I got ONE extra espresso shot in my caribou drink..I got the shits. So 3 extra shots of espresso! I was for SURE gonna take care of this constipation issue. Well...bad news guys. Caribou drink and Miralax decided to work at the same time, and let me tell you something. It felt like I lost 15 pounds no joke. Am I being gross right now? Are you disgusted reading this? #sorrybutnotsorryatall <-- I love when people hashtag this on instagram. Just saying.
*So, me and Rich (dude I work with) were just talking about relationships. He is in a relationship with a man right now, but was married to a woman for quite a number of years. I am bisexual as well, so we have very interesting conversations about the difference between being with same sex vs opposite sex. It is interesting to hear his point of view on things since we have completely different viewpoints being as we are of opposite gender. I don't really have particulars right this second, but I would like to elaborate more on this topic someday. I am feeling rushed because it is almost time to leave work and I hate leaving a blog half done because then I don't finish it for weeeeeeeks! So I guess I'll just leave it at this bullet and finish elaborating next time.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Well what in tarnation!
I am extremely bored at work this evening and thought it would be a rather swell idea to whip up a blog post. We have these dumb things called silverchair learning that we are required to do..(they are these dumb test things about work related dilly dallies) but I don't want to fucking do them. So I'm not going to. I've been on strike for over a monthish now. What gives? They are dumb as hell..and the only reason they require us to do them is so it looks good for state. So you are telling me I have to spend an hour taking multiple choice tests about common sense shit that you should probably know to be a human..so it looks good for state? Forget about it. Not my style.
For one I would just like to state that I have 1.3753 million pimples on my forehead right now. YES. JACKPOT. My birth control hates me. Like, for real hates me. I want to get on something that isn't hormone based like an IUD but upon research it just seems like it's kind of a 50/50 gamble. They either are freaking awesome for people, or royally suck anus and women have major complications. Well newsflash of the century my luck is -3743474 level..so I'm not too positive I want to chance it. No periods tho on them bad boys that is enough to make ya want to chance it nah mean?
Anyhoot hoots. I just have to say that just now there was an alarm going off on one of the residents. A usual resident that wakes up during the night to use the restroom. No big deal right? Well...jokes on me cuz this said resident decided to poop everywhere. Not a big deal, it's a usual thing I deal with on a daily basis. But let me just say this....if I had to choose between cleaning up major poop mess on a man or a woman..I would choose woman. One reason. Balls. That is all.
I don't understand why this said computer screen that I am currently looking at has to be approx 2 inches from my face. It is for real. It is a dino computer so it is prob 2 feet long in the back and takes up this whole damn table...so the keyboard is like..right at the end of the table and monitor right behind it meaning that it is right in my face. WABAM. I guess that will do er on that topic.
I am DYING to get more ink. It has been too long my friends. Too long. I have been trying to save but...yeah right. I am up to my ears in bills and just keeping up is the death of me. I am in the process of consilidating my student loans to ease that burden a tad...but I don't know. Cody wants to move back in together since my lease is up soon but what the h man??? I don't really want the reason to move back in together to be because it will be easier on me financially. NOT the reason I am looking for. Also, I love living separately? I tell him this often since he tells me often how much he hates living separately. What gives? I love having my own place and not having someone to "look after/pick up after" besides my kids. This topic needs A LOT more thought. I mean... A LOT.
Okay so whenever I get forwards on my phone I think they are the dumbest shit of my life. I just don't find many things funny. Jokes, movies etc. I think other people are funny and some texts and what not in casual conversation. But not purposely posed funny things, nah mean? Anyway, got a forward today and it actually made me laugh out loud folks. Not fake, lol...we are talkin..real L.O. motha fuckin L. Fine I'll tell you it.
* A mother was cooking in the kitchen listening to her five year old son play with his new electric train set. She heard the train stop and her son say, "All of you sons of bitches who want off get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on get your asses on the train right now cuz we are goin down the mother fuckin tracks!" The absolutely horrified mother went in and told her son, "We do NOT use that kind of language in this house now go to your room for TWO HOURS. When you come out you may play with your train..but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the mother heard her son say, "All you passengers who are getting off please remember your things." He continued. "Those of you boarding we hope you will have a pleasant trip with us." The mother smiled to herself. The child then added, "Those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!" <--- Bahahaha. For real LOL status right?
One of my favorite residents passed away last night while I was at work. But I'm not ready to talk about that yet. Maybe in a couple days or something.
There is an old guy right now sitting next to me in his wheelchair. He couldn't sleep. He is seriously cute as a button. He wanted some snacks and good thing I always bring a whole god damn grocery store with me to work cuz I love munchin on goodies. So first he ate a chocolate donut. Then he ate a swiss cake roll. He wanted more. So then I offered him sour gummy worms, which he had never heard of. I told him it would give him a little zip in his zinger and make his mouth water like the dickins. So of course, being as I gave him some serious convincing words to base this trial of sour gummy worms off of, he popped one in his mouth. His face...priceless! He said and I quote, "Now what in the hell was that!?" I think it is safe to say I really give these residents a run for their money sometimes. What would they do with out me here? They call me the patch adams of the place. I don't mind. Anyway, I'm gonna end this right here cuz old man river here wants to indulge in some wheelchair races.
For one I would just like to state that I have 1.3753 million pimples on my forehead right now. YES. JACKPOT. My birth control hates me. Like, for real hates me. I want to get on something that isn't hormone based like an IUD but upon research it just seems like it's kind of a 50/50 gamble. They either are freaking awesome for people, or royally suck anus and women have major complications. Well newsflash of the century my luck is -3743474 level..so I'm not too positive I want to chance it. No periods tho on them bad boys that is enough to make ya want to chance it nah mean?
Anyhoot hoots. I just have to say that just now there was an alarm going off on one of the residents. A usual resident that wakes up during the night to use the restroom. No big deal right? Well...jokes on me cuz this said resident decided to poop everywhere. Not a big deal, it's a usual thing I deal with on a daily basis. But let me just say this....if I had to choose between cleaning up major poop mess on a man or a woman..I would choose woman. One reason. Balls. That is all.
I don't understand why this said computer screen that I am currently looking at has to be approx 2 inches from my face. It is for real. It is a dino computer so it is prob 2 feet long in the back and takes up this whole damn table...so the keyboard is like..right at the end of the table and monitor right behind it meaning that it is right in my face. WABAM. I guess that will do er on that topic.
I am DYING to get more ink. It has been too long my friends. Too long. I have been trying to save but...yeah right. I am up to my ears in bills and just keeping up is the death of me. I am in the process of consilidating my student loans to ease that burden a tad...but I don't know. Cody wants to move back in together since my lease is up soon but what the h man??? I don't really want the reason to move back in together to be because it will be easier on me financially. NOT the reason I am looking for. Also, I love living separately? I tell him this often since he tells me often how much he hates living separately. What gives? I love having my own place and not having someone to "look after/pick up after" besides my kids. This topic needs A LOT more thought. I mean... A LOT.
Okay so whenever I get forwards on my phone I think they are the dumbest shit of my life. I just don't find many things funny. Jokes, movies etc. I think other people are funny and some texts and what not in casual conversation. But not purposely posed funny things, nah mean? Anyway, got a forward today and it actually made me laugh out loud folks. Not fake, lol...we are talkin..real L.O. motha fuckin L. Fine I'll tell you it.
* A mother was cooking in the kitchen listening to her five year old son play with his new electric train set. She heard the train stop and her son say, "All of you sons of bitches who want off get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on get your asses on the train right now cuz we are goin down the mother fuckin tracks!" The absolutely horrified mother went in and told her son, "We do NOT use that kind of language in this house now go to your room for TWO HOURS. When you come out you may play with your train..but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the mother heard her son say, "All you passengers who are getting off please remember your things." He continued. "Those of you boarding we hope you will have a pleasant trip with us." The mother smiled to herself. The child then added, "Those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!" <--- Bahahaha. For real LOL status right?
One of my favorite residents passed away last night while I was at work. But I'm not ready to talk about that yet. Maybe in a couple days or something.
There is an old guy right now sitting next to me in his wheelchair. He couldn't sleep. He is seriously cute as a button. He wanted some snacks and good thing I always bring a whole god damn grocery store with me to work cuz I love munchin on goodies. So first he ate a chocolate donut. Then he ate a swiss cake roll. He wanted more. So then I offered him sour gummy worms, which he had never heard of. I told him it would give him a little zip in his zinger and make his mouth water like the dickins. So of course, being as I gave him some serious convincing words to base this trial of sour gummy worms off of, he popped one in his mouth. His face...priceless! He said and I quote, "Now what in the hell was that!?" I think it is safe to say I really give these residents a run for their money sometimes. What would they do with out me here? They call me the patch adams of the place. I don't mind. Anyway, I'm gonna end this right here cuz old man river here wants to indulge in some wheelchair races.
Monday, October 8, 2012
oh...you know.
Since the last time I wrote, I have surprisingly have found many answers to many of the questions I have been having. I know it seems crazy, but this shit is for real! It is almost like a ray of sunlight just beamed through to my life and I just feel so rejuvenated.
First off, 2 weeks ago I had breakfast with my dad. These breakfasts usually consist of us throwing ideas back and forth to each other about how we feel about life in general, our particular lives, or just random ass shit. After discussing with him some of the issues I've been having it was quite clear that I am spending way too much of my time dwelling on the past and spending way too much of my time trying to make decisions. He said that it is absolutely irrelevant to dwell on the past..because that is all it is, is the past. I disagreed to a degree because if you didn't dwell on things that happened in your past, how are you supposed to learn from your experiences? I mean technically 2 minutes ago was the past. Things happen in your life and sometimes you have to allow yourself time to reflect on them and gain from them everything you possibly can. BOOM, I'm okay with that. It would be impossible for me to go from dwelling major to dwelling not at all. So with that being said:
*Note to self: It is OKAY to dwell on things for the mere reason to benefit completely from the circumstances at hand. It is NOT okay to dwell if you are just battling with what you should or could have done to make things different.
As far as the decision making thing? BAAAAA, save me. I have always been really indecisive. It is a rather annoying attribute of mine. At first it just seemed like an annoying girl thing, that I could never make up my mind. Then I thought that perhaps I just cared too much about what people thought so I was having troubles making up my mind because what other people would think was always in the back of my head. Now I just realize both of those are invalid and I take the littlest of decisions and biggest of decisions and try to envision the effect each will have in future time. LAME! All of the above are lame actually. Anyways, I need to take a step back from this and just kind of find the stem of it. Maybe I am so indecisive because I realize that any and every decision you make matters, and since I dwell so fucking much on the past, I just have a hard time deciding what I am going to be dwelling on in the future LOL. Kidding. Sort of. Fack. It's something I'm working on alright? It is just a little crazy to think that every decision you make impacts the rest of your days. You can't ever go back and change that decision. If you make the wrong one, it can be considered a mistake. But thereafter, if you make that same decision again it just becomes a choice. I think a lot of times I make decisions based on not what I feel is best for me, but what is easiest and less harming for others. Very frustrating.
^ That was all written a couple weeks ago er somethin. I dunno. I will write and then not finish and save it. Then take forever to come back on here and finish it. Ohhh the things I do I tell you! I think I might just babble right now. So, Axton was in his big boy underwear all weekend! It was a pretty successful weekend minus of course a few accidents here and there. When he wakes up in the morning he doesn't want anything to do with his underwear..he says NO I WANT DIAPER. Then I tell him big boys wear underwear and then of course he says how he's a big boy and wants underwear. He also doesn't think he can poop anywhere but in a diaper. So that has been fun. Anyway, enough of the potty training talk..I'm just saying that my little buddy is getting big and soon will be completely diaper free. YIPPEEEE! Two kids in diapers isn't exactly my....ideal situation. Zaidyn is so damn spunky I just can't believe it. That girl holy buckets. She just sprouts everyday, and I love every minute of it. She is really into lions right now and carries one around with her and roars constantly. If Axton starts playing with any of her 3 lions, she goes up to him and points in the other direction and yells GO!! Very sternly..which is seriously...way too damn cute. She looooves to give hugs and will just walk up to me grab my leg and say Momma and hug my leg. So cute! Tell her to dance, and she dances, tell her to sing and she babbles, tell her its time to change her diaper and she runs to her room and stands by the changing table, tell her it's time to eat and she stands next to her high chair. Just way too damn cute that girl!!!!!!!!!!! She will literally come up to me and say Momma Ni night when she is ready for a nap. I just can't believe how fast time has gone by...my kids are getting so big what the heck!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, my life is just so crazy busy. I feel like I don't even have time to stinking balance my checkbook, or check my mail pile that gets bigger by the day. I need to sweep and mop my kitchen but how the suzanna am I supposed to do that with 2 hooligans running around all the time? Seriously!!! Kids are so much work!!!! Not that any of you don't know that because I'm pretty positive majority of people that read my blog are mothers. Regardless, I'm just saying. That is why I could never do a daycare as a job. Props to my sis because I just could not do it. I can take care of my own kids..babysit once and awhile..but to do that for a job..nooooo way. That takes some serious patience, physical energy, and emotional energy. Holy buckets. Anyway, I'm gonna buzz outta this joint :)
^ That was all written a couple weeks ago er somethin. I dunno. I will write and then not finish and save it. Then take forever to come back on here and finish it. Ohhh the things I do I tell you! I think I might just babble right now. So, Axton was in his big boy underwear all weekend! It was a pretty successful weekend minus of course a few accidents here and there. When he wakes up in the morning he doesn't want anything to do with his underwear..he says NO I WANT DIAPER. Then I tell him big boys wear underwear and then of course he says how he's a big boy and wants underwear. He also doesn't think he can poop anywhere but in a diaper. So that has been fun. Anyway, enough of the potty training talk..I'm just saying that my little buddy is getting big and soon will be completely diaper free. YIPPEEEE! Two kids in diapers isn't exactly my....ideal situation. Zaidyn is so damn spunky I just can't believe it. That girl holy buckets. She just sprouts everyday, and I love every minute of it. She is really into lions right now and carries one around with her and roars constantly. If Axton starts playing with any of her 3 lions, she goes up to him and points in the other direction and yells GO!! Very sternly..which is seriously...way too damn cute. She looooves to give hugs and will just walk up to me grab my leg and say Momma and hug my leg. So cute! Tell her to dance, and she dances, tell her to sing and she babbles, tell her its time to change her diaper and she runs to her room and stands by the changing table, tell her it's time to eat and she stands next to her high chair. Just way too damn cute that girl!!!!!!!!!!! She will literally come up to me and say Momma Ni night when she is ready for a nap. I just can't believe how fast time has gone by...my kids are getting so big what the heck!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, my life is just so crazy busy. I feel like I don't even have time to stinking balance my checkbook, or check my mail pile that gets bigger by the day. I need to sweep and mop my kitchen but how the suzanna am I supposed to do that with 2 hooligans running around all the time? Seriously!!! Kids are so much work!!!! Not that any of you don't know that because I'm pretty positive majority of people that read my blog are mothers. Regardless, I'm just saying. That is why I could never do a daycare as a job. Props to my sis because I just could not do it. I can take care of my own kids..babysit once and awhile..but to do that for a job..nooooo way. That takes some serious patience, physical energy, and emotional energy. Holy buckets. Anyway, I'm gonna buzz outta this joint :)
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Up in my head
Well, now and again I just have to throw a blog post out there about things a little more deeper than surface stuff. I feel like my brain moves so quickly that sometimes I don't even have time to process my own thoughts. They leave my head just as quick as they got there. The last couple weeks however I have been juggling around feelings that I'm unable to properly deal with. I was thinking that perhaps if I tried to get it down in writing, I may be able to conclude some of the feelings or find a solution to them. I love run on sentences.
I guess I should first start off by saying that I have always felt different. Not different in the sense of being an outcast, just different in the sense that I don't really have the feeling of belonging. In any given situation, place, or experience I just never feel satisfaction or fulfillment. It is quite frustrating because I do feel blessed with the people and things in my life, but yet I find myself unhappy a majority of the time. Sure, my kids make me happy..but not much else. And I attribute that to the lack of feeling close to anyone or anything. Anything good in my life I feel is always temporary. I believe this is because of my nature, not because things or people become not good enough. A lot of the times it's the circumstances that does this as well. Living far away from someone I could feel really close to, or becoming substantially different in where we stand in life. I just have extremely stubborn idealism that doesn't mesh readily with modern existence. I am becoming very frustrated with this because I don't know where to go from here.
I feel what makes up a person is their experiences. It attributes to the main development of ones character, helps decipher one's personal opinions and preferences, and above all is what makes personal growth attainable. Often times, especially lately, I find myself feeling extremely down because of all this. I have all these desires, but cannot fulfill them due to the responsibilities in front of me. I find myself longing for the chance to "experience." I just want to state that in no way shape or form am I saying that I don't enjoy my life with my kids and the things I do to keep us afloat. I do, and always will do anything in my might to keep them happy and do what is best for them.
Routine is not for me. I don't enjoy having a lifestyle wrapped around routine, and I definitely don't function the best under a lifestyle of constants either. I am a free spirit, always have been. I thrive on change, I thrive on the unknown ahead of me, and I thrive on the excitement of experiencing new things. My life has pretty much been the exact same every single day for the past 3 years. It is really REALLY starting to get to me. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew my life would change. I prepared myself for it, and entered the role with open arms. I changed myself completely, only later to realize that that was not the right approach either. I realized I could still be myself and be a great mother to my kids. The last year I have been on quite the emotional and spiritual journey. I have always said that I will spend each of my days creating myself instead of "finding" myself. However, in order to start creating myself I had to start acknowledging myself first. Acknowledge things about me that I didn't before. Face the things about me head on that I was trying to look past or avoid. The truth of the matter is that this is not the lifestyle that I pictured myself having. I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for love. I feel in myself a superabundance of energy in which I am finding no outlet in this quiet life of mine. But the reality of it is, I was given this life for a reason. I reeeeeally genuinely am desperate to find that reason. I don't think I ever will, I just feel like maybe I can have a peace of mind about it all.
I really hope I am not coming off like I am unhappy with my "Mom" role and I dread waking up each day with my kids. That is not the case what so ever. The love I have for my children is everlasting and makes me love waking up each day. They are the light in my life. I just have this overwhelming feeling that there is something missing in my life. Do a lot of people feel this way, like a constant void? I try not to think about it often because I have layered thoughts about it all. I often contemplate if this "huge missing piece" is a person? A place? I think that is why I have questioned so much about Cody and I because I kind of felt like the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with would fill that void for me. I still feel it. Is it my surroundings? Am I not satisfied with the background of my life? Well, not especially. I mean I live in Wisconsin for crying out loud. I always wanted to move out West when I was done with school. Would living in an area that had such a positive outburst of energy do the trick for me? I don't know. I'm in no position to give it a whirl that's for sure.
I just am such a layered individual, and I myself am still trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Not many people that have come into my life have known me well enough to get that. I usually give off the same first impression to people when they meet me, and unfortunately it doesn't really get past that. There have been 4 individuals in my life that I have been able to show the deeper side of me to and have somewhat understood me..mostly because they are very similar. 3 out of those four live far as hell away and the other one is my Dad. My relationship with my Dad should be a whole nother blog. But of course I will probably forget about it. Maybe someone could remind me if I don't write for a long time?
Story goes, I'm deciphering the appropriate way to get to the bottom of how I am feeling. I really would just like to find my path again. I would like to think that I am building my own path vs trying to find the right one..but nothing feels RIGHT anymore. I am indecisive as fuck, and when I finally make a decision about something and start moving in that direction, I always find myself questioning it. I don't want to live my life questioning everything..it really isn't my style. It is happening subconsciously, which is almost more frustrating then if it wasn't happening subconsciously. I will probably start writing more about this personal journey of mine. I think if someday I am able to find that peace of mind I'm so desperately searching for..it would be quite the adventure to read back about how I got there.
I guess I should first start off by saying that I have always felt different. Not different in the sense of being an outcast, just different in the sense that I don't really have the feeling of belonging. In any given situation, place, or experience I just never feel satisfaction or fulfillment. It is quite frustrating because I do feel blessed with the people and things in my life, but yet I find myself unhappy a majority of the time. Sure, my kids make me happy..but not much else. And I attribute that to the lack of feeling close to anyone or anything. Anything good in my life I feel is always temporary. I believe this is because of my nature, not because things or people become not good enough. A lot of the times it's the circumstances that does this as well. Living far away from someone I could feel really close to, or becoming substantially different in where we stand in life. I just have extremely stubborn idealism that doesn't mesh readily with modern existence. I am becoming very frustrated with this because I don't know where to go from here.
I feel what makes up a person is their experiences. It attributes to the main development of ones character, helps decipher one's personal opinions and preferences, and above all is what makes personal growth attainable. Often times, especially lately, I find myself feeling extremely down because of all this. I have all these desires, but cannot fulfill them due to the responsibilities in front of me. I find myself longing for the chance to "experience." I just want to state that in no way shape or form am I saying that I don't enjoy my life with my kids and the things I do to keep us afloat. I do, and always will do anything in my might to keep them happy and do what is best for them.
Routine is not for me. I don't enjoy having a lifestyle wrapped around routine, and I definitely don't function the best under a lifestyle of constants either. I am a free spirit, always have been. I thrive on change, I thrive on the unknown ahead of me, and I thrive on the excitement of experiencing new things. My life has pretty much been the exact same every single day for the past 3 years. It is really REALLY starting to get to me. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew my life would change. I prepared myself for it, and entered the role with open arms. I changed myself completely, only later to realize that that was not the right approach either. I realized I could still be myself and be a great mother to my kids. The last year I have been on quite the emotional and spiritual journey. I have always said that I will spend each of my days creating myself instead of "finding" myself. However, in order to start creating myself I had to start acknowledging myself first. Acknowledge things about me that I didn't before. Face the things about me head on that I was trying to look past or avoid. The truth of the matter is that this is not the lifestyle that I pictured myself having. I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for love. I feel in myself a superabundance of energy in which I am finding no outlet in this quiet life of mine. But the reality of it is, I was given this life for a reason. I reeeeeally genuinely am desperate to find that reason. I don't think I ever will, I just feel like maybe I can have a peace of mind about it all.
I really hope I am not coming off like I am unhappy with my "Mom" role and I dread waking up each day with my kids. That is not the case what so ever. The love I have for my children is everlasting and makes me love waking up each day. They are the light in my life. I just have this overwhelming feeling that there is something missing in my life. Do a lot of people feel this way, like a constant void? I try not to think about it often because I have layered thoughts about it all. I often contemplate if this "huge missing piece" is a person? A place? I think that is why I have questioned so much about Cody and I because I kind of felt like the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with would fill that void for me. I still feel it. Is it my surroundings? Am I not satisfied with the background of my life? Well, not especially. I mean I live in Wisconsin for crying out loud. I always wanted to move out West when I was done with school. Would living in an area that had such a positive outburst of energy do the trick for me? I don't know. I'm in no position to give it a whirl that's for sure.
I just am such a layered individual, and I myself am still trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Not many people that have come into my life have known me well enough to get that. I usually give off the same first impression to people when they meet me, and unfortunately it doesn't really get past that. There have been 4 individuals in my life that I have been able to show the deeper side of me to and have somewhat understood me..mostly because they are very similar. 3 out of those four live far as hell away and the other one is my Dad. My relationship with my Dad should be a whole nother blog. But of course I will probably forget about it. Maybe someone could remind me if I don't write for a long time?
Story goes, I'm deciphering the appropriate way to get to the bottom of how I am feeling. I really would just like to find my path again. I would like to think that I am building my own path vs trying to find the right one..but nothing feels RIGHT anymore. I am indecisive as fuck, and when I finally make a decision about something and start moving in that direction, I always find myself questioning it. I don't want to live my life questioning everything..it really isn't my style. It is happening subconsciously, which is almost more frustrating then if it wasn't happening subconsciously. I will probably start writing more about this personal journey of mine. I think if someday I am able to find that peace of mind I'm so desperately searching for..it would be quite the adventure to read back about how I got there.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
I'm thinkin not
*I am an instagramaholic. I love it. I go on it ten times more than I do facebook even. I hardly ever go on facebook. Okay that is a lie, I do daily. But maybe just once. Instagram all freaking day. Majority of the people I follow on there/follow me on there are complete strangers...so it is fun to get in on peoples fun adventurous lives! You could say I vicariously live through them hahaha! And I kinda like it because I can post a crap ton of pictures and not give a shit cuz the people I don't really even know...whereas facebook I have family etc etc. Not that I should even care??? Whateves.
*So the other day my mother and I went furniture shopping. She used to work at the facility that I do as of current but got a new job in the Twin Cities. Being as she is working in the Twin Cities she wanted to live closer. I told her she really needed to get on getting her house on the market because it would take awhile to sell with things being how they are in the economy etc etc. She was hesitant at first because she needed to still find a place to live but I assured her she would have plenty of time to look. She puts her house on the market. It sells in 10 days. WTF! Just my luck! Anyways, so we went furniture shopping for her new apartment. She wanted to get alllll new stuff. Totally fun right? So we went to Ashley Furniture first. I can't believe this actually happened. We were just browsing in the showroom as were a couple of other people that had gotten there after us and were behind us a bit. A representative from there walked literally right past my Mom and I and asked the ritzy ditzy looking couple behind us if they needed any help..then proceeded to ask the gentleman in a suit behind them if he needed any assistance...walked past us AGAIN and sat down at her desk. I couldn't believe it!!!I guess we didn't look rich enough to be worth her time since she works on commission. My mom was on the market for an entire bedroom set, living room furniture, kitchen table and chairs,and a new mattress and boxspring. Serves that bitch right! So when someone finally did come up to us I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it! My mom was like, girl why you gotta embarrass me!? But fuck that shit dude, who does that? NOT OKAY! I still can't believe it! Some people I tell you.
*Currently I'm sitting in a wheelchair. That's right, a wheelchair. And not by choice believe it or not. I am in the charting room at work and they don't even provide us with legit computer chairs up next to the table with computers on them. We have two wheelchairs in this room. It never crossed my mind until this evening. I looked across the room and saw Rich in a wheel chair and thought to myself, what the fuck is happening right now, we are sitting in wheelchairs. And on top of the wheelchair bizz, my wheelchair that I'm currently residing in has an oxygen tank on the back. A light just turned on all the way at the end of the mile long hallway. I totally rally raced down the hall in the wheelchair to answer it. Don't tell. Was kind of fun, not super fun but okay. My arms kinda burn a little not gonna lie. Grampa told me tonight that I am spoiling his life. I almost cried. All because I told him I had to give him a bath. Once that all got taken care of and I got him snuggled into bed he told me he was sorry if he hurt my feelings, and I'm the best. WOO HOO! Back on good terms with Grampa. Jackpot.
*Do you understand the extent of what I have to do to blog while I am at work. You don't? Well that is okay because I will tell you. First off, I just do my thang and write my stuff. After the fact, I have to clear the history, which is no big deal. Then I have to go into the control panal to then go into internet connections to go into internet options to go into delete history to select all of the above 72 options to then hit delete to then wait for it to all get deleted so they can't find out that I'm blogging about how I hide that I'm blogging while I'm at work. WINNING
*Dude. It seems as if lately I am abbreviating everything into letters when I talk and then get peeved when people don't get what I'm saying. Ex. ICD. Obv means I Can't Deal.
*I'm just curious when I can get a bunch of money handed to me?
*I'm getting a little weery of the brisk season approaching. I got a decent summer supply of clothing stocked up over the last couple months since I have lost weight but come winter I.am.screwed. I MIGHT have one pair of jeans that fit me. I MIGHT have one long sleeved shirt but maybe even not? Ugh, I could cry thinking about it. Really though, it just kind of hit me the other day how much weight I have lost when I was browsing through old pictures of when Axton was a baby and when Zaidyn was first born. I mean, I don't really quite understand how I lost so much weight. Yes I do. First off, I was a stay at home Mom for awhile and didn't get as much activity in as when I was out and about working. Once I started work again here at the facility I lost 30ish pounds in the first 3 months. Also, I walked a croipton right after Zaidyn was born. Also, I've been stressed out as H about everything in my life so...I think all of the above might have something to do with it? But no joke people, I'm smaller then I was in high school even. It's a little crazy if you think about it. Plus, my boobs are smaller then they were before I had kids. That is at least 35 pounds right there since my tots were DDD's before I had kids. Just kidding, they were still in mosquito bite status...just now they are in smaller saggy stretched mark mosquito bite status.
That is all.
*So the other day my mother and I went furniture shopping. She used to work at the facility that I do as of current but got a new job in the Twin Cities. Being as she is working in the Twin Cities she wanted to live closer. I told her she really needed to get on getting her house on the market because it would take awhile to sell with things being how they are in the economy etc etc. She was hesitant at first because she needed to still find a place to live but I assured her she would have plenty of time to look. She puts her house on the market. It sells in 10 days. WTF! Just my luck! Anyways, so we went furniture shopping for her new apartment. She wanted to get alllll new stuff. Totally fun right? So we went to Ashley Furniture first. I can't believe this actually happened. We were just browsing in the showroom as were a couple of other people that had gotten there after us and were behind us a bit. A representative from there walked literally right past my Mom and I and asked the ritzy ditzy looking couple behind us if they needed any help..then proceeded to ask the gentleman in a suit behind them if he needed any assistance...walked past us AGAIN and sat down at her desk. I couldn't believe it!!!I guess we didn't look rich enough to be worth her time since she works on commission. My mom was on the market for an entire bedroom set, living room furniture, kitchen table and chairs,and a new mattress and boxspring. Serves that bitch right! So when someone finally did come up to us I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it! My mom was like, girl why you gotta embarrass me!? But fuck that shit dude, who does that? NOT OKAY! I still can't believe it! Some people I tell you.
*Currently I'm sitting in a wheelchair. That's right, a wheelchair. And not by choice believe it or not. I am in the charting room at work and they don't even provide us with legit computer chairs up next to the table with computers on them. We have two wheelchairs in this room. It never crossed my mind until this evening. I looked across the room and saw Rich in a wheel chair and thought to myself, what the fuck is happening right now, we are sitting in wheelchairs. And on top of the wheelchair bizz, my wheelchair that I'm currently residing in has an oxygen tank on the back. A light just turned on all the way at the end of the mile long hallway. I totally rally raced down the hall in the wheelchair to answer it. Don't tell. Was kind of fun, not super fun but okay. My arms kinda burn a little not gonna lie. Grampa told me tonight that I am spoiling his life. I almost cried. All because I told him I had to give him a bath. Once that all got taken care of and I got him snuggled into bed he told me he was sorry if he hurt my feelings, and I'm the best. WOO HOO! Back on good terms with Grampa. Jackpot.
*Do you understand the extent of what I have to do to blog while I am at work. You don't? Well that is okay because I will tell you. First off, I just do my thang and write my stuff. After the fact, I have to clear the history, which is no big deal. Then I have to go into the control panal to then go into internet connections to go into internet options to go into delete history to select all of the above 72 options to then hit delete to then wait for it to all get deleted so they can't find out that I'm blogging about how I hide that I'm blogging while I'm at work. WINNING
*Dude. It seems as if lately I am abbreviating everything into letters when I talk and then get peeved when people don't get what I'm saying. Ex. ICD. Obv means I Can't Deal.
*I'm just curious when I can get a bunch of money handed to me?
*I'm getting a little weery of the brisk season approaching. I got a decent summer supply of clothing stocked up over the last couple months since I have lost weight but come winter I.am.screwed. I MIGHT have one pair of jeans that fit me. I MIGHT have one long sleeved shirt but maybe even not? Ugh, I could cry thinking about it. Really though, it just kind of hit me the other day how much weight I have lost when I was browsing through old pictures of when Axton was a baby and when Zaidyn was first born. I mean, I don't really quite understand how I lost so much weight. Yes I do. First off, I was a stay at home Mom for awhile and didn't get as much activity in as when I was out and about working. Once I started work again here at the facility I lost 30ish pounds in the first 3 months. Also, I walked a croipton right after Zaidyn was born. Also, I've been stressed out as H about everything in my life so...I think all of the above might have something to do with it? But no joke people, I'm smaller then I was in high school even. It's a little crazy if you think about it. Plus, my boobs are smaller then they were before I had kids. That is at least 35 pounds right there since my tots were DDD's before I had kids. Just kidding, they were still in mosquito bite status...just now they are in smaller saggy stretched mark mosquito bite status.
That is all.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Titles are for the birds, I'm telling you!
*I know I have said this before but SERIOUSLY!!! Coming up with a title is so dumb, I can't even stand it. Yes I can, I lied. I just don't like it. For awhile I went with the no title approach but then it's annoying on the side because it doesn't show up as a post.
*Next matter of business, my favorite old guy at work. I call him "Grampa". Let me just clarify, my favorite old lady is "Cupcake" and my favorite old guy is "Grampa." Since I obviously can't use their real names. Not that I actually use their real names anyway that is what I call them. Anyways, I was gettin Grampa ready for bed tonight as I usually do. He is very VERY particular about how he likes things done. A lot of people don't have enough patience for Grampa, but I just love him to pieces. Anyways, Grampa somedays is aware of what is going on and really with it, but other days his dimentia is really extreme. It just depends. Sometimes he can be with it, take a nap, wake up and be out of it. Today he was on and off. I was getting him ready for bed (maybe I should tell you that I was getting him ready for bed ONE more time), and he asked me why I have stuff all over my arms. I said, I like it Grampa, don't you like it? And he said, well I think you are a very pretty girl and I just think you don't need that stuff. This is what he says to me everytime he is with it. Then he says, are you married? I said no. He asked how old I was and I told him 24. Then I asked him how old he was. He couldn't remember and was getting really frustrated with himself. He says, "ohhh gol I just can't seem to put my finger on it". I said Grampa it's okay, we all forget things sometimes. Are you over 80? (I know he's 92). He says, I know it's over 1000 but that is all I know, he said! LOL. Emily, don't talk shit about my lack of " and ". Forget that bizz I was too lazy so lets not get all technical and shit alright.
I was going to write more but I ran out of time!! I'm sure I'll write again on Friday. I picked up a shift tomorrow from 6-10p but I won't have time to diddle on this bizz. Friday I'll try though :)
*Next matter of business, my favorite old guy at work. I call him "Grampa". Let me just clarify, my favorite old lady is "Cupcake" and my favorite old guy is "Grampa." Since I obviously can't use their real names. Not that I actually use their real names anyway that is what I call them. Anyways, I was gettin Grampa ready for bed tonight as I usually do. He is very VERY particular about how he likes things done. A lot of people don't have enough patience for Grampa, but I just love him to pieces. Anyways, Grampa somedays is aware of what is going on and really with it, but other days his dimentia is really extreme. It just depends. Sometimes he can be with it, take a nap, wake up and be out of it. Today he was on and off. I was getting him ready for bed (maybe I should tell you that I was getting him ready for bed ONE more time), and he asked me why I have stuff all over my arms. I said, I like it Grampa, don't you like it? And he said, well I think you are a very pretty girl and I just think you don't need that stuff. This is what he says to me everytime he is with it. Then he says, are you married? I said no. He asked how old I was and I told him 24. Then I asked him how old he was. He couldn't remember and was getting really frustrated with himself. He says, "ohhh gol I just can't seem to put my finger on it". I said Grampa it's okay, we all forget things sometimes. Are you over 80? (I know he's 92). He says, I know it's over 1000 but that is all I know, he said! LOL. Emily, don't talk shit about my lack of " and ". Forget that bizz I was too lazy so lets not get all technical and shit alright.
I was going to write more but I ran out of time!! I'm sure I'll write again on Friday. I picked up a shift tomorrow from 6-10p but I won't have time to diddle on this bizz. Friday I'll try though :)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Nah Mean?
For those of you who know me..you know that I come up with the most random shit to say. Not always super weird stuff, but I always seem to have a new "thing" that comes out of my mouth frequently on a weekly basis. This week..its balls. I'm not kidding around here people. I guess it's better then saying the F word. Anything bad/accidental/whatever that happens..balls with other words sometimes surrounding it comes out of my mouth. Tonight at work I was helping one of my two favorite residents..(I call her Cupcake)..anyhow..she wanted me to move a box of crap in her room that her family dropped off that she wanted nothing to do with. Well the box must have been ancient because when I grabbed the handle it lasted approx .2 seconds until it ripped and the box landed on my foot. Unintentially 'BALLS' came out of my mouth with a face of extreme pain. Cupcake says, "What kind, basket-balls, base-balls, saggy-balls?" I said..all the above Cupcake, all the above.
Speaking of ancient, the old lady who lives under me moved out. I think she went to the nursing home/assisted living. I would see her outside from time to time and wonder how the heck she was managing living on her own but whateves. It is her nephew that owns the house I live in. Regardless..I am a huge fan of old people..obviously..but she was one old person I was not a fan of. Seriously not a nice old lady. Remember like a month ago when we had a hot spell where everyday was approx 120 degrees? Well I got home from Cody's house one morning and I had a letter sticking in my door. This is what the letter said:
Dear Tenant:
This letter is regarding your garbage. Mrs. Howe came home and it was very stinky. It was stinking up the garage and she could barely stand it. This needs to be addressed right away.
The Landlord
Okay for one, it was written in extremely old lady handwriting. For two, her nephew that owns the house has a property management company that deals with all the business..so if the "landlord" was writing me a letter, she certainly wouldn't have it hand written and signed "the landlord"...I am on "texting terms" with the landlord so it was VERY evident it was old lady. I was really quite aggrevated by this letter. When summer first approached she wrote me a letter saying that she did not want my garbage bin outside because it was distracting the look of her flowers. So then I put my garbage bin in the garage. Now my garbage is in the garage and she is telling me it stinks up the garage. It was like 100 degrees for 4 days straight, I have 2 kids in diapers, what the fuck you expect me to do!??!?!?!?! "this needs to be addressed right away" REALLY LADY? Okay, let me fucking call up the magic garbage fairy and have her come take care of it for you. I couldn't decide whether I was going to write her a nice letter back (addressing it to "the landlord" of course and putting it in HER door since that is who she think she is obv) or if I was going to call up my ACTUAL landlord. I decided to not take the writing her a smart ass letter in return approach and I just called my ACTUAL landlord. (Yay for grown up decision making!) She was highly irriated. She said she would be over in 5 minutes to pick up the note from the old lady. She picked up the lettter, brought it over to the owners house in which he freaked the heck out about it, and that is that. Unfortunately for old lady Howe, I did not get scolded for my stinky garbage. Anyhow, she no longer lives underneath me. RATS! I have been highly debating calling up my landlord and seeing if I can move in downstairs. LOL. Ok I know I move a lot but just hear me out okay. When I first moved in the winter, I was concerned about living upstairs at a house because of loudness etc. I have 2 kids etc. etc. Well, they told me it wouldn't be an issue because old lady that lived downstairs couldn't hear if a tornado siren was going off in her kitchen. So I never had any problems. But being as someone who isn't ancient is most likely moving in downstairs..I feel weird about it. The last thing I want to do is stinkin tip toe around my house because I don't wanna make anyone mad. I would much rather listen to obnoxious loudness then to be the person causing obnoxious loudness & irritating people. And just living on the first level would be so much easier. It wouldn't be that bad of a move, it's only downstairs..I wouldn't really even need to "pack" that much ya know? The place is empty and today some guys came and said they were doing some renevations down there. The door was unlocked so I obv went down to take a gander at the place. The living room is larger than mine, and the kitchen is about the same size just a different set up. The rooms are a bit smaller, but it really wouldn't be that big of a deal at all. The only downfall is that it doesn't have a huge pantry like my place upstairs :( POOP! I am fairly positive that if I talked to my landlord about moving downstairs after they do the renovations, they would totally be cool with it. I just really need to think about if it is worth all the work. I think I moved there in March..so my lease would be up in 7ish months. Now, if Cody and I decide to move back in together..that is where I would hesitate on moving downstairs. I could just deal/human that moves in downstairs could just deal..since Cody and I wouldn't live in my current place together upon living together again. BUT, if we decide to continue living seperately or things don't work out between the two of us..then I plan on staying where I live for awhile. So what the h? Who really knows.
Why the hell don't people play board games anymore? I'm sick of it. I just want to have a party. A board game party where humans aren't lame as balls and just play some damn scrabble or trouble or pictionary or whatever! I'm just saying.
Duuuude, my hair is really irkin my tator. Ever since I bleached my hair and went bright red/hot pink my hair is a hot mess. It is soooo fried at the end and no longer porous. Therefore, anytime I dye my hair the ends don't hold color for longer then 3 washes. I can't take it! It is fine when my hair is down, but when my hair is up in a messy bun er somethin..the color difference is like 4 katrillion shades. I can't deal. My hairdesser lady told me all I needed to do was come in and get a deep conditioning treatment for like 30 bucks and that would do the trick but I just haven't gotten around to it and I just want my hair to fix itself lol. I could just chop all the bad stuff off but I don't wanna do that either. For pits sack. I really wanna go bright again. But dang that ruined my hair like you wouldn't believe. Ideally, I would love to have a very light purple/lilac colored hair. Maybe when I win the lottery and can afford to go get it done the right way I an attempt such bizz. Anyways, I gotta roll out, some butts are painin for some wipage.
Speaking of ancient, the old lady who lives under me moved out. I think she went to the nursing home/assisted living. I would see her outside from time to time and wonder how the heck she was managing living on her own but whateves. It is her nephew that owns the house I live in. Regardless..I am a huge fan of old people..obviously..but she was one old person I was not a fan of. Seriously not a nice old lady. Remember like a month ago when we had a hot spell where everyday was approx 120 degrees? Well I got home from Cody's house one morning and I had a letter sticking in my door. This is what the letter said:
Dear Tenant:
This letter is regarding your garbage. Mrs. Howe came home and it was very stinky. It was stinking up the garage and she could barely stand it. This needs to be addressed right away.
The Landlord
Okay for one, it was written in extremely old lady handwriting. For two, her nephew that owns the house has a property management company that deals with all the business..so if the "landlord" was writing me a letter, she certainly wouldn't have it hand written and signed "the landlord"...I am on "texting terms" with the landlord so it was VERY evident it was old lady. I was really quite aggrevated by this letter. When summer first approached she wrote me a letter saying that she did not want my garbage bin outside because it was distracting the look of her flowers. So then I put my garbage bin in the garage. Now my garbage is in the garage and she is telling me it stinks up the garage. It was like 100 degrees for 4 days straight, I have 2 kids in diapers, what the fuck you expect me to do!??!?!?!?! "this needs to be addressed right away" REALLY LADY? Okay, let me fucking call up the magic garbage fairy and have her come take care of it for you. I couldn't decide whether I was going to write her a nice letter back (addressing it to "the landlord" of course and putting it in HER door since that is who she think she is obv) or if I was going to call up my ACTUAL landlord. I decided to not take the writing her a smart ass letter in return approach and I just called my ACTUAL landlord. (Yay for grown up decision making!) She was highly irriated. She said she would be over in 5 minutes to pick up the note from the old lady. She picked up the lettter, brought it over to the owners house in which he freaked the heck out about it, and that is that. Unfortunately for old lady Howe, I did not get scolded for my stinky garbage. Anyhow, she no longer lives underneath me. RATS! I have been highly debating calling up my landlord and seeing if I can move in downstairs. LOL. Ok I know I move a lot but just hear me out okay. When I first moved in the winter, I was concerned about living upstairs at a house because of loudness etc. I have 2 kids etc. etc. Well, they told me it wouldn't be an issue because old lady that lived downstairs couldn't hear if a tornado siren was going off in her kitchen. So I never had any problems. But being as someone who isn't ancient is most likely moving in downstairs..I feel weird about it. The last thing I want to do is stinkin tip toe around my house because I don't wanna make anyone mad. I would much rather listen to obnoxious loudness then to be the person causing obnoxious loudness & irritating people. And just living on the first level would be so much easier. It wouldn't be that bad of a move, it's only downstairs..I wouldn't really even need to "pack" that much ya know? The place is empty and today some guys came and said they were doing some renevations down there. The door was unlocked so I obv went down to take a gander at the place. The living room is larger than mine, and the kitchen is about the same size just a different set up. The rooms are a bit smaller, but it really wouldn't be that big of a deal at all. The only downfall is that it doesn't have a huge pantry like my place upstairs :( POOP! I am fairly positive that if I talked to my landlord about moving downstairs after they do the renovations, they would totally be cool with it. I just really need to think about if it is worth all the work. I think I moved there in March..so my lease would be up in 7ish months. Now, if Cody and I decide to move back in together..that is where I would hesitate on moving downstairs. I could just deal/human that moves in downstairs could just deal..since Cody and I wouldn't live in my current place together upon living together again. BUT, if we decide to continue living seperately or things don't work out between the two of us..then I plan on staying where I live for awhile. So what the h? Who really knows.
Why the hell don't people play board games anymore? I'm sick of it. I just want to have a party. A board game party where humans aren't lame as balls and just play some damn scrabble or trouble or pictionary or whatever! I'm just saying.
Duuuude, my hair is really irkin my tator. Ever since I bleached my hair and went bright red/hot pink my hair is a hot mess. It is soooo fried at the end and no longer porous. Therefore, anytime I dye my hair the ends don't hold color for longer then 3 washes. I can't take it! It is fine when my hair is down, but when my hair is up in a messy bun er somethin..the color difference is like 4 katrillion shades. I can't deal. My hairdesser lady told me all I needed to do was come in and get a deep conditioning treatment for like 30 bucks and that would do the trick but I just haven't gotten around to it and I just want my hair to fix itself lol. I could just chop all the bad stuff off but I don't wanna do that either. For pits sack. I really wanna go bright again. But dang that ruined my hair like you wouldn't believe. Ideally, I would love to have a very light purple/lilac colored hair. Maybe when I win the lottery and can afford to go get it done the right way I an attempt such bizz. Anyways, I gotta roll out, some butts are painin for some wipage.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Derp Derp
It seems to be that since I just blogged a couple nights ago, I feel like I have nothing to say? My life really is not that exciting, I'm telling you. Today I brought a frozen juice concentrate to work and made a pitcher once I got here. That way I would be forced to finish the entire thing before I left..leaving myself fully hydrated! Holy shit, what news! I also pooped for the first time in 5 days, yay for pooping finally! I'm working with Rich tonight, (one of my fav dudes, perhaps I'll elaborate about him in this blog) and he wanted to accomplish a task that requires 2 people..just as I felt the need to poop. So OBV I said hell no I am not passing up this opportunity you will just have to hold your horses on that one. Aaaaanyway I think I'm going to buy a pair of shoes online. Never done it before. BUT, daaang G there is this particular pair that I have been looking for EVERYWHERE and I can't stinking find it. Duty calls bro, time to step it up and buy online. Not that I have a problem buying stuff online cuz I personally love it..I just am hesitant with shoes cuz how the h am I supposed to know if they fit or not? I'll have to let you know if I end up buying them or not. I am obsessed with Etsy. Holy tolida begita. I mean come on, they have everything! I am finally at 0 gauge for my ears, so now that I hit my final destination I can buy earrings! I didn't want to indulge in buying really cool earrings until I was at my spot, cuz obv that would be a waste of money. Now I'm here, now I can purchase earrings. When my ears were gauged before all the jewelry I bought/found were expensive as h. Etsy has very very reasonably priced jewelry..the problem? I can't ever freaking choose? There are just SO much that I want to buy from etsy right now that I have listed in my "favorites". When I have extra cash (never) then I can splurge on somethin. I just bought two new pairs and have yet to get them in the mail. One was only 8 bucks and the other was 16 but I had a 10% off promo code so eh, whateves. Okay for real my back hurts worse then ever in my life. I can hardly take it. Every morning I wake up and practically want to cry myself back to sleep. I think it is a combination of sleeping really whacky..and rolling really large people that weigh 5 times as much as me?? Yeah prob both. Either way, I have been sleepin on my couch the last couple nights and it actually seems to be working. I think because then I can't sleep messed up cuz there is no room to sleep messed up. Last night I did not sleep on my couch and today I'm dying from back pain. At 24 years old? NOT OKAY! When I'm 50 I'll be hunched over like a C. Not okay! The facility I work at is old as dirt and they have old school crank beds..not automatic. So basically, you can break your back rolling residents to change them, or you can break your back bending over and cranking a lever for 10 minutes to raise the bed and then doing the same once you are done to get the bed back down. NOT OKAY! We are in the process of building a new facility that should be done next summer. I am looking forward to it. My luck, they will move all these stupid ass beds right on over to that facility. You know, this place irritates me sometimes in their lack of organization etc etc I could go on. BUT, something I love about this facility is that they let people be themselves. They don't make me take out my piercings or cover up my tattoos like every other facility would. It is something that really gets to me and really makes my blood boil. Ohh let me cover up my tattoos, now look....I am so much better of a worker and care so much more about the residents!! Or how bout just people in general that judge humans with piercings and tattoos. Cuz it makes me any different as a person if I had them or if I didn't, right? I know once I get my nursing degree that I'll have a hell of a time finding a job in a hospital (I know I'll just have to cover them up but still). It's really unfortunate. Close minded people are really hard to understand or wrap my head around. Then again, I realize they feel the same about me. I think I'm going to close on that topic :/
Nighty night!
Nighty night!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Ah, Fack!
Duuuuude, I can't believe it has been since May 24th since the last time I blogged! What the h is wrong with me!? In all reality, I usually just have so much to say that I don't even know where to begin so then I just don't. Mega-fail. Should I just do the good ole bullet approach? Dumb question, obv I should!
*First off, my kids are doing great! Zaidyn just turned 1 year old and I am in disbelief! She is such a spitfire and so full of character. I love watching her personality develop and oh boy is she on the move!! Axton is talkin like none other and it just melts my heart, every bit of it!!
*Cody and I are doing much better now that we live separately. I think the space was necessary and there are many many improvements being made because of the ability to just take a look at the relationship from the outside and see exactly what we need to fix. Instead of increasing the tension daily, we are able to get the time apart, and look forward to the little bit of time we actually do get to spend together. I am also being made aware how often he did the dishes for me, lol! I feel like I am constantly doing dishes it is sickening. I don't have a dishwasher and it's just such a pain in the ass. NOT an enjoyable task at hand let me tell you.
*Work is work. I really love that I get 4 days off a week, but daaaaaaang g, the no sleep business is REALLY catching up to me. I swear for two weeks straight I was doing just the bare minimum that was required of me. Take care of my kids, work. No energy to do ANYTHING. I think even if I slept for 2 weeks straight I still wouldn't be caught up. On the weekends I work, Cody has the kids so I am able to sleep in..but of course I can't because I just want to spend some time with my kids before I go to work! I am picking up shifts whenever I can so I can have some extra money to do things for myself..such as...making a dent in the "to do" tattoo list. I just got my outline of Axton's but it will probably be awhile til I can get it colored in. I gotta save up for a couple months. Booo, I hate waiting!! I have picked up a rather a lot of shifts in the next couple weeks so we'll see what happens.
*It seems to me that I have very little patience for people these days. No joke. Just everyone getting on my freaking nerves! Saying stupid shit, just acting stupid. Get your shit together people. Especially at work. I can't STAND working with someone who doesn't know what the hell they are doing. If you don't know what you are doing when you have worked here for a couple weeks, you obviously aren't going to get it at all..so do me a favor and leave. Is that mean? I mean I don't mind being the one to initiate everything and be the one "in charge"..but I certainly don't like bossing people around or having to tell people how to do their job. Not okay! Okay I'm done whining about that.
*It seems I have taken a break in my "self discovery" mode. I am enjoying just having a stress free sort of life right now..for the most part. I need to get my poop in a group and figure out the steps I need to take to finish school. I really don't have that much left, and my student loans are kicking my ass..so I might as well have a degree so it makes it worth it. I have been on the waitlist for quite some time now at the school I was planning on finishing my degree up at. But apparently I have 2 classes that I need to finish in order to start in the Spring, otherwise I am then taken off the waitlist. It would have been way too convenient if they would have informed me of such things..you know..in the last 2 and a half years I have been out of school. Instead they wait to send me a letter telling me this right before I would have to register for classes/almost when it's too late to register for fall classes. The two courses I need to take are Advanced Anatomy and Physiology and Microbiology. Two classes I am super interested in. Also, two classes that are hard as fuck. They both come with labs so really the two classes seem like 4 as far as tests and homework is concerned. Also, since it would only be 2 classes, I wouldn't receive financial aid for the courses and I would have to pay out of pocket..not even possible!! I am living on one income paying all the bills and such which is tricky in itself. So I'd still have to manage working full time while taking these two hard as fuck courses. Not to mention I took Anatomy and Physiology when I was a freshman in college. How in the universe am I going to just jump right on in to Advanced A&P? Unrealistic! I'd prefer to actually re take A&P before taking the advanced course. I know the class is a lot of work but it would be worth it to gain back all the knowledge that is essentially extremely important anyways, and would benefit me for when I take advanced. Not possible to do all this business prior to spring semester this year. I guess I'm just fucked. What is new. I sometimes just wanna give up seriously. I mean..with as much as I pay in student loans a month, the amount of money extra I would make by having a nursing degree and being a nurse would be fucking pointless. STUFFTHEYDON'TTELLYOUABOUTCOLLEGE101. I guess if you have rich ass parents that pay your way through school that is one thing. It is sooo hard thinking about going back to school but when I whip out 460 a month in student loans..I NEED to get my degree. Just hard with 2 little kids and a busy life in the first place....nah mean?
*I have been extremely disappointed in the friend department these days. Literally not one single one of my friends showed up to Zaidyns birthday party. Friends around here that is let me state, obv. But seriously! One of my friends even said that she couldn't wait to see me and the kids Saturday at the party..and never showed. Another said she was barfing and couldn't come..but posted a pic of herself on facebook that afternoon lookin all fancy? COME ON. I mean, I can understand where people my age who don't have kids would not enjoy attending a 1 year olds birthday party...but REALLY?! Just fucking deal with the 2 hours of birthday party-ness due to the mere fact that it is my daughter! GOL! I'm just so over it, and so over trying to maintain friendships that essentially obviously mean nothing. I really really don't have many friends at all, and even less actual REAL friends that I know actually care about our friendship. It's just such a joke really. My brother didn't even show up for Zaidyn's birthday party. REALLY DUDE?! I can't handle it. Maybe he had a valid reason for not coming, but why don't you shoot me a text or something and let me know instead of just not showing up and then ignoring the fact that you didn't show up to your neices birthday party? Again, like I stated before, people lately are REALLY irritating me. I just don't have the time and energy for it. Oh you wanna talk to me this week even though you haven't talked to me in months? Um fuck you. Oh, you are interested in maintaining a friendship, and then you aren't, and then you are, and then you aren't? Fuck off. Wow, I think I get a little hostile late at night hahaha. I'm over it.
*Ummm, I wish I could go shopping? I have my obsession with clothes back :/ Before I had kids I was literally obsessed with clothes and spent majority of any money I made on clothes. (Emily, do you remember my 2 full closets that you couldn't believe?) Then I had kids and was chunky as hell and feelin all ugly n shit so I didn't really care about what clothing was covering up my bod. But now that I've lost all that weight and can rock pretty much any kind of clothing..I want to oh so badly but need the materials to! I want really cute dresses and shoes, and accessories. I have some new clothes that I have bought or Cody has bought for me that fit me, but I still have majority of clothes that are way too big. First world problems.
*I think I am done for now. I swear I will try to be better at this, and I also know I say this all the time. But dude, why don't some of you remind me to freaking blog if it's been a while, nah mean?
*First off, my kids are doing great! Zaidyn just turned 1 year old and I am in disbelief! She is such a spitfire and so full of character. I love watching her personality develop and oh boy is she on the move!! Axton is talkin like none other and it just melts my heart, every bit of it!!
*Cody and I are doing much better now that we live separately. I think the space was necessary and there are many many improvements being made because of the ability to just take a look at the relationship from the outside and see exactly what we need to fix. Instead of increasing the tension daily, we are able to get the time apart, and look forward to the little bit of time we actually do get to spend together. I am also being made aware how often he did the dishes for me, lol! I feel like I am constantly doing dishes it is sickening. I don't have a dishwasher and it's just such a pain in the ass. NOT an enjoyable task at hand let me tell you.
*Work is work. I really love that I get 4 days off a week, but daaaaaaang g, the no sleep business is REALLY catching up to me. I swear for two weeks straight I was doing just the bare minimum that was required of me. Take care of my kids, work. No energy to do ANYTHING. I think even if I slept for 2 weeks straight I still wouldn't be caught up. On the weekends I work, Cody has the kids so I am able to sleep in..but of course I can't because I just want to spend some time with my kids before I go to work! I am picking up shifts whenever I can so I can have some extra money to do things for myself..such as...making a dent in the "to do" tattoo list. I just got my outline of Axton's but it will probably be awhile til I can get it colored in. I gotta save up for a couple months. Booo, I hate waiting!! I have picked up a rather a lot of shifts in the next couple weeks so we'll see what happens.
*It seems to me that I have very little patience for people these days. No joke. Just everyone getting on my freaking nerves! Saying stupid shit, just acting stupid. Get your shit together people. Especially at work. I can't STAND working with someone who doesn't know what the hell they are doing. If you don't know what you are doing when you have worked here for a couple weeks, you obviously aren't going to get it at all..so do me a favor and leave. Is that mean? I mean I don't mind being the one to initiate everything and be the one "in charge"..but I certainly don't like bossing people around or having to tell people how to do their job. Not okay! Okay I'm done whining about that.
*It seems I have taken a break in my "self discovery" mode. I am enjoying just having a stress free sort of life right now..for the most part. I need to get my poop in a group and figure out the steps I need to take to finish school. I really don't have that much left, and my student loans are kicking my ass..so I might as well have a degree so it makes it worth it. I have been on the waitlist for quite some time now at the school I was planning on finishing my degree up at. But apparently I have 2 classes that I need to finish in order to start in the Spring, otherwise I am then taken off the waitlist. It would have been way too convenient if they would have informed me of such things..you know..in the last 2 and a half years I have been out of school. Instead they wait to send me a letter telling me this right before I would have to register for classes/almost when it's too late to register for fall classes. The two courses I need to take are Advanced Anatomy and Physiology and Microbiology. Two classes I am super interested in. Also, two classes that are hard as fuck. They both come with labs so really the two classes seem like 4 as far as tests and homework is concerned. Also, since it would only be 2 classes, I wouldn't receive financial aid for the courses and I would have to pay out of pocket..not even possible!! I am living on one income paying all the bills and such which is tricky in itself. So I'd still have to manage working full time while taking these two hard as fuck courses. Not to mention I took Anatomy and Physiology when I was a freshman in college. How in the universe am I going to just jump right on in to Advanced A&P? Unrealistic! I'd prefer to actually re take A&P before taking the advanced course. I know the class is a lot of work but it would be worth it to gain back all the knowledge that is essentially extremely important anyways, and would benefit me for when I take advanced. Not possible to do all this business prior to spring semester this year. I guess I'm just fucked. What is new. I sometimes just wanna give up seriously. I mean..with as much as I pay in student loans a month, the amount of money extra I would make by having a nursing degree and being a nurse would be fucking pointless. STUFFTHEYDON'TTELLYOUABOUTCOLLEGE101. I guess if you have rich ass parents that pay your way through school that is one thing. It is sooo hard thinking about going back to school but when I whip out 460 a month in student loans..I NEED to get my degree. Just hard with 2 little kids and a busy life in the first place....nah mean?
*I have been extremely disappointed in the friend department these days. Literally not one single one of my friends showed up to Zaidyns birthday party. Friends around here that is let me state, obv. But seriously! One of my friends even said that she couldn't wait to see me and the kids Saturday at the party..and never showed. Another said she was barfing and couldn't come..but posted a pic of herself on facebook that afternoon lookin all fancy? COME ON. I mean, I can understand where people my age who don't have kids would not enjoy attending a 1 year olds birthday party...but REALLY?! Just fucking deal with the 2 hours of birthday party-ness due to the mere fact that it is my daughter! GOL! I'm just so over it, and so over trying to maintain friendships that essentially obviously mean nothing. I really really don't have many friends at all, and even less actual REAL friends that I know actually care about our friendship. It's just such a joke really. My brother didn't even show up for Zaidyn's birthday party. REALLY DUDE?! I can't handle it. Maybe he had a valid reason for not coming, but why don't you shoot me a text or something and let me know instead of just not showing up and then ignoring the fact that you didn't show up to your neices birthday party? Again, like I stated before, people lately are REALLY irritating me. I just don't have the time and energy for it. Oh you wanna talk to me this week even though you haven't talked to me in months? Um fuck you. Oh, you are interested in maintaining a friendship, and then you aren't, and then you are, and then you aren't? Fuck off. Wow, I think I get a little hostile late at night hahaha. I'm over it.
*Ummm, I wish I could go shopping? I have my obsession with clothes back :/ Before I had kids I was literally obsessed with clothes and spent majority of any money I made on clothes. (Emily, do you remember my 2 full closets that you couldn't believe?) Then I had kids and was chunky as hell and feelin all ugly n shit so I didn't really care about what clothing was covering up my bod. But now that I've lost all that weight and can rock pretty much any kind of clothing..I want to oh so badly but need the materials to! I want really cute dresses and shoes, and accessories. I have some new clothes that I have bought or Cody has bought for me that fit me, but I still have majority of clothes that are way too big. First world problems.
*I think I am done for now. I swear I will try to be better at this, and I also know I say this all the time. But dude, why don't some of you remind me to freaking blog if it's been a while, nah mean?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Tis the life!
So here is from Sunday morning, and yes I know I look like a million bucks:
Hot Mess Here
Here is from this afternoon:
Poop
Hot Mess Here
Here is from this afternoon:
Poop
Friday, May 18, 2012
6 years later..
I thought I would try this approach, tell me if you think it's too creepy.
VIDEO ONE OF ME JABBERING
THEN
VIDEO TWO OF ME JABBERING
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Overdue
How dare I go that long with out blogging!!! Uncalled for! You know, I actually saw today when I logged in that they now have blogger mobile?? I looked into it and it looks like a piece of shit. I mean it would be pretty legit if I could plug a keyboard into my phone.. (which essentially I might as well just sit at my damn computer) but there is no stinking way I am typing out on my phone blogs! It would take forever! And my phone is just so lame. I mean, I like it...but I will never get another touch screen unless it has a keyboard also. Sometimes it just won't work, and when I push a certain letter a completely different one will show up on the screen. Drives me beyond batty.
I just have to say that Axton is a complete Momma's boy today. I gotta tell you something super funny that happened the other.. Axton and I were playing hide and go seek. I was hiding behind the bathroom closet door that was slightly closed, and I heard Axton running down the hall. He came into the bathroom, didn't notice me, then walked over to the toilet, put the lid up..looked in and said, Where you Momma? hahahahaha P.S. That was the worst run on sentence in the universe I am aware of such things. It's called..too lazy to figure out what I should say instead.
Oh gol! I got my tattoo done as you probably know...It is finally done healing. Man oh man, definitely was a bitch healing one on my leg. I had to do 3 12hr shifts in a row right after getting it. Didn't even think about the fact that I'd be on my feet all day walking/running around. Soo sore! But I'm in love with it. She looks great:
I go back on Tuesday to finish it up! I can't wait to see her all finished..however, I am in no mood to deal with the sore leg all over again :( At least I'm doing it the day after my 3 in a row 12hr shifts so I have a buncha days off. Course I'll put pics up via FB and on here to show you :)
Next line of business. Just a few random things. So, doing the 12hr shifts at work I really am loving it. I love only working 3 days a week, having 4 off, but still being full time. The only problem is that staying up until 230AM literally kills me. I get home at 3a and up w/ the kids at usually 8ish-9ish..(course there are the days where they get up super early or super late). At first I was drinking an energy drink at night at work to keep me awake, but that got way to extreme. I can get really effected by a can of soda, so an energy drink made me feel like my pulse was riverdancing and I was so fidgety and crazy that I just didn't like it. So then I was trying different approaches to staying awake and not being a crazy fool. I tried this all natural drink :
Tasted like absolute shit. Don't recommend it in the slightest. I literally only had 2 drinks so I can't even say if it worked or not. First drink: "ewww what the fuck" Second drink (course just to make sure it was gross): "Ewww what the fuck!" So, then I decided I would try the 5 hour energy which I was very very hesitant to do. I thought it would seriously jack me up so bad everyone at work would think I did about 60 lines of cocaine prior to walking in since I would be talking like a god damn auctioneer. Also I didn't want to run into the problem of drinking it too early and then having mad crash time end of my shift OR drinking it too late and laying in bed at 3am like a dumb dumb not able to sleep. I can actually report that I love the 5 hour energy! It doesn't make me all crazy hyped up..it just makes it so you don't feel tired at all and keeps you going. It doesn't make me feel over the top awake, it just makes me feel "normal" alert and awake. Now the taste of them 5 hour energy? YUCK CITY! When I drank my first one I was outside with two ladies who I bring out for their ciggies twice in my shift. They laughed so hard at the face I made when I drank it that the one lady said I had to change her undies when we got inside cuz she "dribbled". That is the same lady that said she could be rich if she could video tape me for a day and sell it. Yesterday she described me as "such a loving young lady with a lot of heart..but weird and random as all hell" HAHAHAHAHA! Sounds pretty accurate. She also told me for the first time last night that she loves me :) She said she thinks of me as her granddaughter and has the same love for me as if I was her own. Made me really happy. I'm glad I can interact with the residents in such a way that they know I care, and I can be myself in front of them and they see the real me. I'm not close with any of my grandparents at all...which is really sad but I'm not. I can honestly say that some of the residents I am closer to then I have ever been to any of my grandparents. It kind of makes me really sad cuz I wish I had the kind of relationship with my grandparents as I do with a couple of the residents at work. I mean, if you think about it, it's kinda messed up. I feel closer to some elderly folks that have been a part of my life for 5 months then I do to my grandparents that have been a part of my life for forever? I guess I don't really have much else to say about that. Regardless, I brought Axton and Zaidyn up to the nursing home last weekend to meet some of the residents. Zaidyn shit her pants literally 1 second into walking in the door and of course I just left the diaper bag in the car cuz why would I need it if I was only going to be inside for a MAX of a half hour? Zaidyn is happy literally 99.9% of the time..smiling and/or laughing. When she saw the old guys...she got the saddest look on her face like she was so scared!!!!! Axton just wanted to run up and down the halls goin all crazy. But at least now some of the residents I'm close with can put a face to the names even though I show them pics all the time!
Next line of business..this stuff:
Came across it at the store and thought I would try it. I like coffee stuff but making coffee in the morning I always forget I make it. And I don't drink anything fast..I drink everything slow as snail pace so my coffee always gets cold when I do remember I made some. So..this stuff?? SOOOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS! Put ice in a glass pour this over WABAM. Done. Delicious. Honestly. My new fav stuff.
Next line of business. Daycare. So when my Mom got a new job in the cities, I had to find daycare. Well it was NOT an easy task let me tell you. Finally FINALLY found one that I really like and everything has been going super duper good. Last night when Cody picked up the kids, they gave him a letter saying they are moving to Wisconsin Dells and the last day they will be able to watch the kids is April 27th. Are you fucking kidding me??????? They have only been there for 3 weeks! Why the FUCK would they even accept Axton and Zaidyn in if they knew they were going to be moving? And why wouldn't they tell me that????????? I'm so pissed! I think that is so disrespectful and stupid. So now I have to start searching ALL over again. I'm so upset about this! Seriously!!!!! I talked to at least 18 day cares before finding this one for the kids. Cooooooooool. I wish I could find one ASAP and not bring them back to the one they are at now cuz I'm so pissed I don't know if I'll be able to keep my damn mouth shut when I see them next.
So, Zaidyn's first tooth popped through yesterday!! When she woke up yesterday AM and smiled so large and in charge as usual..I saw it and was sooo excited! My baby girl is getting so big! She started crawling this week and her first tooth!?! Where is the time going!!!!!! Yesterday two pregnant girls at my work came in for a visit (they used to work there but no longer do) and I kinda got baby fever not gonna lie. I hate being pregnant but how fun! Feeling the baby move and stuff! I miss it. Nothing else about it though. So, last night when I got home from work..I went in to look at the kiddos and it was like 395839 degrees in the room cuz the space heater was on full blast daddy style. What did I do besides turn it down? Naturally I used Axton's sweat to spike his hair and then snap pics:
That is all.
Monday, March 12, 2012
WTF
Okay seriously, this pisses me off. If I want to eat a cookie or 15, I wanna be able to get in and out of the package hassle free. Can't they take a little hint from Chips Ahoy, with the open on top hassle free package? Once I can actually manage to get some cookies out of the package, the last thing I want to do is spend 5 minutes trying to get the plastic cookie holder back into the wrapper. Makes me feel like I'm beating the shit out of it. Kind of looks like I beat the shit out of it, too.Next subject, old lady that lives downstairs. They told me prior to me signing the lease that a really old lady lives on the lower level of this house. So old that you can knock on her door as loud as you can for 5 minutes straight and she won't hear you. I thought that was pretty awesome having kids and all. Regardless, there is a 2 car garage here and I am supposed to have one of the spots, naturally. Well, since I have lived here..which was since the 21st of last month..I have not been able to park in the garage one single time because old fart parks in the fucking middle of the garage. Swell. So I just dealt with it at first..cuz you know..she's old as ballsack. But through the big snowstorms that we just had a bit ago..it would have been REAL nice to be in the garage! So today, I went on strike. Not really strike..but I talked to the owner of the house, and I told him I want my rent lowered since the garage isn't an amenity that I am capable of using. He said he completely agreed :) Woot Woot. Yay for Caitlin going on garage strike!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Molly
Tattoo time folks. This Thursday I have an appointment for my next tattoo! I'm so excited. I really have just soo many that I want and I had to take a couple years off so I feel so behind, and so anxious. Anyway, I'm going all out this time. Let me introduce you to Molly:
Isn't she beautiful? I drew her a looooooooong time ago. High school sometime. My original drawing is way battered up, I still have it..but I redid it recently because I knew she was going to be my next tattoo. I have wanted to get her for a long time, but I really wanted to wait until the perfect time in my life to do so. I think Molly will probably be my most meaningful tattoo besides the tattoos I get for my children. She has a cloud over her and it just happens to be raining. I have this quite unfortunate feeling that in my life its always fucking raining. That is NOT me saying that my life sucks. Just clarifying. It just means that even when I'm going through a positive time in my life, or experience something positive, or make a multitude positive memories..there always as to be SOMETHING that happens to make it a difficult task and/or just dampers it a bit. I really don't feel like elaborating much on that one right now, but perhaps someday. I just have terrible luck..that basically sums it up. Regardless, through this rain, Molly is still smiling, and also holding a flower that is larger than life. I say larger then life because it is larger then her, so it symbolizes to me..larger than life. I have so many goals for my lifetime, and sometimes it just seems like such an impossible daunting task list. I am currently trying to maintain a mind set to not look at the list as a whole, but take the first thing and start there. Once that one is accomplished, go to the next. Focus on each individual once vs the entire list. Ya get it? Regardless, I think setting goals for yourself is one of the most important things you can do. It can be any kind of goal...from cleaning the bathroom this week, to having a career that you love. The point is having something to work towards. Having goals makes me feel larger than life, only because it makes me feel that I have control over something. I find myself very uneasy in situations that I have no control over. My goal list? I always have control over that. With all that said, the larger than life flower symbolizes my personal list of goals that I want to always have and always be active with. The pocket watch coming off of the flower looks like shit. I realize that. The tattoo artist is re-doing it for me because I just couldn't do it. I told him I wanted it really really dainty and cute. I am not a good drawer but I tried so hard on Molly and I really do love her. The pocket watch? Looks like asshole. Anyhow, I can still tell you the meaning behind it. The clock will have a time on it that doesn't exist. I am not quite sure what I want that to be. Any ideas? It symbolizes the fact that there is no perfect time for anything...because a "perfect time" doesn't actually exist. If there was something I wanted to do, or buy..I can always think of something else that would be a smarter buy, or something else that I should spend my time doing. Etc. Etc. I decided awhile ago that I was going to kick those nasty thoughts in my head goodbye. If I want to experience something whatever it may be..I'm not letting anything hold me back..because regardless how long I wait, it's still never going to be the perfect time. Perfect example: My Molly tattoo. It is going to be expensive as h and expensive as h. But regardless what point in my life that I am in, I will ALWAYS have things that would be way smarter to spend my money on. I can't live my life that way..I want to experience and go out on limbs and do things that I find myself urging to do. I always wanted to get Molly at a time in my life where I felt I truly needed inspiration. That would be right now. Sure, I need to buy a washer and dryer..and sure I could put it away in my savings. But why the fuck not? I'm always going to have something that would be smarter to buy!!!!!!! Laundry mat? Pain in the ass..but to have Molly? WORTH IT! Anyhow, she is going on my outter left thigh. Then I am getting her framed. Something like this:
None of it is going to be in color. I think she will look soo cute on my thigh with this frame around her. With no color I think the shading of the frame will look really cool. It's going to be pretty darn large. He told me that will all her detail and such, we should do it 12 x 8. EEEK! How exciting! My appointment is on Thursday for 4 hours. It will probably take 2 sessions of 4 hours each. I, of course, will show you a pic Thursday evening. What I'm wondering is what am I supposed to wear when he's doing the tattoo????? Any ideas? Some short ass shorts? Brrrrr! Anyways, suuuuuuuuper excited for Molly!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Who done it
There is this lunatic lady nurse that works NOC shift and well..she's just kinda a raging bitch not gonna lie. Anyways, last night before the NOC shift started and I had my last 4 hours of my 12hr shift...I walk into the break room which was filled with the regular people that work NOC shift..she goes..okay so just so everyone knows there will be NO using the work computers for personal reasons, if caught on the internet it is instant grounds for termination..you can clear the history all you want but it still shows up on the main computer of the tech guy. (Then she looks right at me). WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES TOLD? Just kidding..she is talking out of her ass. If that was the case, me along with plenty of other people would have been fired a long time ago. But basically, someone did rat on me who really knows who...but they can basically keel over and shit their pants. Honestly I think it is so stupid. Do you know what we do on night shift? NOOOOOOOOOTHING. I mean we have things to do here and there but 3 hours and 45 minutes of the 4 hours I work on NOC shift we do nothing. Literally. Why the h does it matter if we would use the bajillion computers laying around? Instead I have to sit on a chair and safety pin my eyelids open. It seems rather inhuman to me. Last night I worked with a new guy named Rich and he is a real cool guy. He was telling me all about his recent milestones in life that are rather strikingly interesting. He is one to care way too much about what other people think about him, which is exactly how I used to be. So I was trying to enlighten him with my experience on how I changed that particular trait of mine. Anyways, this blog is taking me forever to write because every other sentence Axton is having me dig a car from under the couch out. So I think I'll just ace :P
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Backtrack
Alright so I just got to admit some stuff. Last night after I posted the post being harshy mc harsherson about 54 year old Christian lady..I felt a little bad to be quite frank. I know I said I disagreed with her on most of it...but I just needed to clarify some stuff. Her first response..I disagreed with most of it. Her second response..I didn't disagree with mainly any of it. Yeah of course it would be "ideal" for every child to get those things, memories etc..but just because they wouldn't doesn't mean they are going to have the shittiest childhood ever. That is what was mainly the frustration to me. Her acting like the only way the kids would ever have a chance at a good childhood is if the parents were still together. Also, she said the only good reason for a couple to split is if the father is abusive..otherwise there is no other way it would be better off for them to be apart. What about if the kids are constantly observing fighting, arguing...lack of teamwork? Or if the Dad is never around anyways and the Mother is doing everything by herself anyways? Just because two people would stay together does not mean that it would be all fireworks and doughnuts. There are issues in relationships that sometimes are NOT okay for children to be around and observe. (I am not particularly meaning Cody and I because we keep our issues away from the kids to avoid such things, I am just saying in general.) I remember having this dilemma in my brain when I took a psychology class my freshman year in college. We were discussing family dynamics and how much divorce can effect children. I am not going to sit here and say that divorce doesn't effect children at all....because obviously it does...but believe it or not it can effect children in a positive manner sometimes too. Yes they have two households, and yes they have to go back and forth. But they can have two loving households, two households with a parent in each that does anything and everything for them to ensure they have a happy childhood filled with great memories. I think it really has all to do with the parents intentions on how they want to raise their children, how they want to handle the split, and not so much concentrating on specifically if the parents are together or not. As a parent I think it is important to set goals for how you want to raise your children and never space away from those in any given situation. I mean I have to admit that I can't honestly say she didn't have any effect on me on what she wrote..although I really do hate admitting that. I do now realize that I CAN try a bit harder. I can see where she would say that I am making a drastic move too soon, but in my head I guess I was just trying to protect Cody. If I didn't think it was going to work out long term why would I let him keep holding on to something that inevitably wasn't going to work out? Why put him through watching me struggle each day staying in the relationship? It just didn't seem fair to me. I don't know what the heck is going on my mind is all scattered. Danget 54 year old Christian lady..did to me exactly what she wanted to!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Oh for PITS SACK!
Good god some people!! Alright so, I apologize for having to change my URL AGAIN! It wasn't because of dipwod of the nation commenting on my last post. (I will get to that in a sec). It was because someone...(I don't really want to say names but then again I don't give a rip rally roodles but I will be nice) lets call her....Wanda. lol Wanda. Gol out of all names I choose Wanda. Regardless, Wanda and I used to be friends...Wanda currently dates Cody's cousin. (not trying to give any hints away or anything here). Well anyhow, we used to be friends. We stopped being friends because her best friend moved back up here from Texas (again not trying to give hints or anything) and I basically fell of planet earth to her. I knew it was going to happen, that once she moved back up here that Wanda basically would go back to spending all her extra time with her best friend. I was fine with that even though it kind of felt she was using me to hang out with someone while her best friend was not around. Regardless..we just kinda lost touch but I didn't really think anything of it..it just was what it was. MONTHS later after not talking at all, I find out that the reason she stopped talking to me was because I stated all my friends live in Milwaukee. Okay? Are we in 2nd grade here? For one, I don't believe I would ever say that. I might have mentioned the fact that majority of my friends live in Milwaukee when I was saying that I kind of wanted to move back there..but I would never say ALL OF MY FRIENDS LIVE IN MILWAUKEE AND NONE OTHER THEN MILWAUKEE. Obviously because that is just not true. Regardless, I found the reasoning out through Cody who found out through his cousin who dates WANDA. This kind of really pissed me off. For one, you say I said this..but don't care enough about our friendship to talk to me about it, instead you just cut me out of your life??? Pretty sure communication is key to anything in life and this was huge MISCOMMUNICATION. If she would have just talked to me about it, things would have been just fine. So, best friend from Texas moves home, I get pushed to the curb, then completely ignored for months because of a comment I supposedly made...and once again I am the bad guy. Whatever, I never said anything to her about it because I try to avoid drama at all costs and if she couldn't even come to talk to me about it then I guess our friendship wasn't that important anyways, right? Eventually I deleted her and her best friend off of facebook along with Cody's cousin just because I know she has the password to that. I didn't want her knowing about anything in my life because why should she? So yesterday when I was at work I get a call from Cody and he is upset. Well WANDA was at work..and Cody's brother happened to be there as well. WANDA decided she would tell Cody's brother all the stuff I was writing in my blog about the Cody and my situation going on. Also, telling him that he needs to convince his brother to leave me. LET ME MAKE SOME COMMENTS HERE...if you don't want to be apart of my life WANDA, why the FUCK are you reading about it? She obviously still had the url to my blog..and kept tabs on me that way. Then had the balls to talk to Cody's brother about MY life in which she knows NOTHING about. I don't think so batman. I am not too sure if she thought she was ratting on me orrrr?? Newsflash of the century, CODY ALREADY KNOWS HOW I FEEL! Cody wasn't upset about what I wrote...necessarily.....he was just upset that I was disclosing such personal stuff to whomever. Which is understandable. So as my blood was boiling I obviously text her furious words...course didn't get a response but then again I didn't really expect one. All I gotta say is, who the hell does that? What did I ever do to her? Cuz I deleted her off facebook? Woo freaking hoo who cares you didn't think our friendship meant anything anyways if you couldn't even talk to me about something that was bothering you enough to freaking end it. So anyways, I changed the url because I'd prefer WANDA stay out of my stinking business. Thats all.
On to "Anonymous" lady commenting on my shit. I just don't even know what to say about this. For one, when she first responded she stated that she was from states away, doesn't know me, and is a 54 year old Christian who was hoping I would allow her to give some perspective on some things I wrote. Okay....1. Hoping I would allow? When did I get the opportunity to say yes or no? I think she kind of just assumed I wanted to hear what she had to say. 2. 54 year old Christian? What does her being a Christian have anything to do with anything? This is one thing that really frustrates me about SOME religious people. It's almost like it's a label. Well, if I state that I am a christian I basically am labeling myself as a good person..which HELLO is NOT always the case. Her religious status in life has no relevance to absolutely anything. It basically would be like me saying, "Hi, I'm 24, drive a red car, and I'm going to negatively criticize absolutely everything you fucking said in your last post" At least I can say that I am understanding of the fact that not everyone lives their life in the same manner and I understand that everyone has their own opinion. What was frustrating to me about what she said was that she basically made me feel like I'm some kind of terrible person, terrible mother, and I need to get my shit together. I would have to say that I certainly do have my shit together, I am far from a terrible person, and I am far from a terrible mother. I just couldn't believe half of the shit she was saying. Let me give an example. So, she was saying that "selfish is taking the kids away from their father, they should have a 24hr relationship with their father always and forever" This is the most absurd thing I have ever read in my life. One, with how Cody and my schedules are, he would actually have the kids MORE then I would...and she just assumes the opposite. So its automatically me being selfish because I'm taking them away from their father, when they would be spending more time with him then they would with me. SUCK A DICK LADY. 2nd off, Who the h has a 24hr relationship with their father always and forever? Unless you are stuck up your Dad's asshole, I just don't forsee that ever happening?? For anyone???? How can anyone honestly say that their own happiness doesn't matter just because you have kids? I, oh man, I just don't even know what more I can say. I would have to say that I was frustrated that she made me feel I had to explain myself to her..when I don't have to explain myself to anyone on planet earth, let alone a human I don't even know and doesn't even know me. I responded to her anyways, just because everything she said I basically disagreed with. I must say I handled myself well, didn't say fuck you one single time, and also was very adult about it. I really thought she would have some balls to respond to my response...but I guess she has balls. After I read her response I just said oh what the fuck ever lady c ya. Does she honestly think that her "perspective on things I wrote" would magically change how I feel and the world would be a better place because a family was kept together?? Newsflash of the century...I'm a very strong willed person, and hardly anyone would have an effect on my views on things...let alone someone who I don't even know...who decides to absolutely tear apart everything I wrote like she's some sort of bad ass that is so much better then me. What if she is reading this? LOL. Whatever. I'm over it. I think I'm done now.
P.S. Axton counted to 5 today!!!!!!!! Also he knows about 50% of the alphabet! The kid hardly talks AT ALL..but he knows his numbers and his letters!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Just shoot me!
Can you believe it? I'm actually blogging!!!! Well today I started working my 12hr shifts. I only work 3 days a week now (all 12hr shifts) but I get paid for 40 hours. Before I was only working about 56 hours a paycheck depending..(sometimes I picked up shifts)..but now I'll have 80 hours. My hours are 2pm-230am. BARF CITY. In all reality though, I get to see my kids the same amount of time because they don't even realize that I'm staying at work an extra 4 hours each time I work. Also, since my Mom got a new job and can't watch the kids anymore, it will save money for daycare. Dang I just have so much to catch up on. That is why I haven't written in forever, because I don't even know where to stinking start. Now that I am working NOC shift and don't do anything but pick my asshole, I should have plenty of time to keep up. Even though I'm not supposed to be using this computer for anything but charting. I'm on the unit by myself..with all the residents..who is going to tell on me? You sure as hell better not. I gotta do something to keep me awake for fucks sake! I think it would probably be in my best interest to take the bullet approach, no doubt. All pretty random, some more meaningful then others.
*How crazy is this shit..there is a resident here that hasn't talked or made absolutely any sounds in over a year. The other day she just started jabbering on like there is no tomorrow. Currently, everyone is sleeping..except her..she is literally singing opera style in her room. I honestly can't believe what I'm hearing.
*I moved. Again. What the fuck is wrong with me? I move waaaaay too much. It's kind of a problem. I just love new surroundings and having a new backdrop to life...I could have worse problems I think. Our lease was up mid-feb and I just really needed to figure out what I was doing. Oh man I've been so lost in life lately yet so clear minded about it at the same time. I know that doesn't make any sense but that is honestly how I feel. Things with Cody and I are so weird. I'm not even sure I want to get into it right now, although I probably should. I guess what it comes down to is that him and I are sooooo different. He would be completely fine doing the same things every single day living in the same place always, working the same job always etc etc. I just can't do that. I promised myself a long time ago that no matter what point in my life I am, I will never let myself stop growing as a person. I feel like the person you are with should make you want to be a better person, always. Should encourage you to experience new things, go different places, express diffferent ideas to different subject matters. It's been really hard because I love Cody so much, and he is such a great person, father, and significant other. But I want to be with someone who wants to grow WITH me. It is really hard to get this all into writing with out sounding like I'm saying Cody isn't good enough for me. It really isn't that..he is so great, really. We get along great, we mesh really well together..we just don't have the same goals and aspirations in life. All the things I want to accomplish in my life, I have a hard time picturing him by my side while doing so. I don't know why. It just makes me feel like I could make things work for now..but long term it just wouldn't work out. I am such a free spirit and I need to be intellectually challenged, and I periodically need change..it is just how I am. Whether its a hair color, a new place of living (seems to be my favorite these days) or whatever. I just want to do what is most fair for myself and for him. So, I got my own place :( :( I am not really too sure what this means for Cody and I??? All I know is that the space is much needed for the both of us for many reasons. I have been in a relationship since I was like freaking 14. I've always based majority of my happiness on the person I'm with and I just don't want it to be like that anymore. I want to have my own life too. I want to feel established and secure with my own life before bringing someone else into it. I have a huge committment towards my kids and I just am not sure I want anything else besides that right now. And same with Cody..I know he depends on me for sooooooo much and it just really isn't healthy at all. Being in a relationship is great, and being a strong couple is great if that is how it is..but you should still be individuals too. Also, it always seems like everything is some kind of competition between Cody and I. Who works harder, who takes care of the kids more, who is more tired, etc. etc. It really helped a lot when I went back to work and Cody had to take care of the kids on his own. I understood his perspective on being a working parent..and he understood my perspective on taking care of 2 kids all day while maintaining a household is not easy peezy lemon squeezy like he always insinuated it as. I just don't stinkin know. I LOVE Cody but I'm not IN LOVE with him. There is absolutely no passion in our relationship..it seriously feels like he's my best friend and that is the extent of it. I want to have that deep connection with the person I am with. There are way too many mediocre things in life, and love should certainly not be one of them. I mean all this was months in the making..Cody and I have been talking about all of this since shortly after Zaidyn was born. It took awhile for Cody to understand any of it..but now he finally does. Like I explained before, I am more myself now then I ever was in the past 2 and a half years. It is almost like Cody had to get to know a completely different person. Now that he is getting to know the "real" me..he realizes that the last 2 years I wasn't myself what so ever. When I first started talking to him about all of this, he really made me feel like I was being extremely selfish. Which I do feel that way sometimes. But in a situation like this, that is OKAY. I have to be selfish when it comes to MY life and MY feelings. Sure we have kids together, but that doesn't mean that I have to settle with the feeling of "settling." I read in a book once that the best gift you could ever give your child (besides breastfeeding lol) is to have a wonderful example of a loving relationship for them to observe and learn from. Sure, Cody and I have a good relationship...but not a loving one? We just recently started being very communicative with one another and that is after 2 years! My mind is just so scattered about all of this. On one hand I really want to keep my family together and make things work. I know I could make things work..but in the long run am I going to feel fulfilled and satisfied in the realtionship? Obviously not if I already don't! I would like to think that things are going to change once the kids get a little older and aren't so dependent on us and we could spend more time focusing on our relationship...but on the other hand even though we are super busy in life right now, with the kids etc..the time we do spend together should be alot more "electric" then it is that is for sure! I also started on birth control for the first time in 3 years and I think it is making me a raging bitch. No joke. I mean maybe its just because of everything going on right now but for real dude. I swear everything that comes out of my mouth to him is snotty as hell. Then 2 minutes later I'm apologizing and being all nice. It's like I'm fucking bi-polar! I don't know how he puts up with me for real. I told Cody probably 2-ish months ago that I was moving out..and him being a guy and all...didn't start looking for a place for himself until A WEEK BEFORE OUR LEASE WAS UP. Obviously he didn't find a place, DUH. So he has been staying with me..which at first I was really irritated about. 1. I moved out for a reason! 2. I had to come up w/ money for first months rent and a security deposit which was not easy at all..all while doing this 12hr shift business so I can make enough money to pay all the bills etc and make it financially on my own..while he is living with me not paying a penny and just lolly gagging about finding a place of his own. It's like just because finding him a place to live wasn't something that I could do FOR him..he just didn't do it. ANOTHER GOOD REASON WHY WE DEFINITELY NEED OUR SPACE! Newsflash of the century pal, I ain't your mom! I do not need to do everything for you! I just don't freaking even know what to say about the situation anymore. Like I've heard before "if you have something good, don't be stupid enough to let it go". Ugh. Cody is such a great guy...but there are just very important aspects to our relationship that are missing that I just can not be okay with missing!!!!!!!!! I truly feel this will be a make it or break it kind of decision on my part. It just kind of got to a point though where I realized that if SOMETHING wasn't done to either give us space or have time alone..it certainly wasn't going to get better..we were only going to become more resentful and things were only going to get worse. I could sit and question shit every day, or we could take some time apart and see what happens. At least now I'm not fucking questioning shit everyday. I'll try to keep up to date on this whole sitaution but honestly..its just so stressful and hard trying to figure out what is best.
*This blog is so lengthly that I refuse to go back and read it and check for spelling errors etc. I am the biggest spell freak of planet USA but tonight I just don't think I feel like doing it. You will forgive me for the mistakes won't you?
*So at midnight is when you do your first rounds. Well this is my first time at this NOC business. I was thinking midnight rounds would take up a good 30 minutes of my night to keep me busy and awake. Joke is on me. It took me 10 stinking minutes. FUUUUUCK. I have 2 hours left how in the h? I won't get home until 3am then I gotta get up w/ the kids and back to work for another 12 hour shift at 2. AND SAME FOR MONDAY TOO!!! I will survive this I will survive this I will survive this.
*Right now I am obsessed with The Bachelor. I hardly watch any tv and I really do mean that. But once and awhile I will start watching The Bachelor or Bachelorette and I am hooked from the start. I really really like this season of the Bachelor mainly because Ben is just such a geniune good person. One of the last 2 finalists, Courtney, is seriously stupid x 1000. If he picks her I will seriously keel over and die. But I just have this feeling he will just because that is always what happens. But for realzy he just really needs to not choose her.
*I am soooo bored that I think I will be kind enough to do all the charting for the girl that comes in at 2. The usual 12hr shift is 6am-6pm and then 6pm to 6am. It just so happenes that me and this other lady really liked the 2-230 idea..it worked best for both of us..which is completely awesome because I get to still have my mornings with my kids. The lady who does the schedules here is a complete moron (no really she is I'm not just being mean). She absolutely did not want to let us do the 2-230 business because it would make scheduling "complicated". Now how the hell is is that complicated. She is working 12 hrs and I am working the other 12 hours. It still makes up the 24 hours regardless sooo??? At first she had me scheduled 4, 12 hour shifts in a row and I told her that she was on fucking crack if she thought that was even humanly possible to do on little sleep. The administrator told her to change it so now it ends up being 3 days in a row instead of 4..which is better but still sucks anus.
Alright, well..I'm so tired that my brain really can't think of much else to say which is just odd because I never have nothing to say. I am not sure where I will be working tomorrow evening during the NOC shift so depending on that I will try to blog again. If I work anywhere besides the unit, I have no access to a computer that I can illegally use with out anybody knowing about it. I think I am going to get a sketchbook and start drawing or hit up the library to check out a book to read or something!
*How crazy is this shit..there is a resident here that hasn't talked or made absolutely any sounds in over a year. The other day she just started jabbering on like there is no tomorrow. Currently, everyone is sleeping..except her..she is literally singing opera style in her room. I honestly can't believe what I'm hearing.
*I moved. Again. What the fuck is wrong with me? I move waaaaay too much. It's kind of a problem. I just love new surroundings and having a new backdrop to life...I could have worse problems I think. Our lease was up mid-feb and I just really needed to figure out what I was doing. Oh man I've been so lost in life lately yet so clear minded about it at the same time. I know that doesn't make any sense but that is honestly how I feel. Things with Cody and I are so weird. I'm not even sure I want to get into it right now, although I probably should. I guess what it comes down to is that him and I are sooooo different. He would be completely fine doing the same things every single day living in the same place always, working the same job always etc etc. I just can't do that. I promised myself a long time ago that no matter what point in my life I am, I will never let myself stop growing as a person. I feel like the person you are with should make you want to be a better person, always. Should encourage you to experience new things, go different places, express diffferent ideas to different subject matters. It's been really hard because I love Cody so much, and he is such a great person, father, and significant other. But I want to be with someone who wants to grow WITH me. It is really hard to get this all into writing with out sounding like I'm saying Cody isn't good enough for me. It really isn't that..he is so great, really. We get along great, we mesh really well together..we just don't have the same goals and aspirations in life. All the things I want to accomplish in my life, I have a hard time picturing him by my side while doing so. I don't know why. It just makes me feel like I could make things work for now..but long term it just wouldn't work out. I am such a free spirit and I need to be intellectually challenged, and I periodically need change..it is just how I am. Whether its a hair color, a new place of living (seems to be my favorite these days) or whatever. I just want to do what is most fair for myself and for him. So, I got my own place :( :( I am not really too sure what this means for Cody and I??? All I know is that the space is much needed for the both of us for many reasons. I have been in a relationship since I was like freaking 14. I've always based majority of my happiness on the person I'm with and I just don't want it to be like that anymore. I want to have my own life too. I want to feel established and secure with my own life before bringing someone else into it. I have a huge committment towards my kids and I just am not sure I want anything else besides that right now. And same with Cody..I know he depends on me for sooooooo much and it just really isn't healthy at all. Being in a relationship is great, and being a strong couple is great if that is how it is..but you should still be individuals too. Also, it always seems like everything is some kind of competition between Cody and I. Who works harder, who takes care of the kids more, who is more tired, etc. etc. It really helped a lot when I went back to work and Cody had to take care of the kids on his own. I understood his perspective on being a working parent..and he understood my perspective on taking care of 2 kids all day while maintaining a household is not easy peezy lemon squeezy like he always insinuated it as. I just don't stinkin know. I LOVE Cody but I'm not IN LOVE with him. There is absolutely no passion in our relationship..it seriously feels like he's my best friend and that is the extent of it. I want to have that deep connection with the person I am with. There are way too many mediocre things in life, and love should certainly not be one of them. I mean all this was months in the making..Cody and I have been talking about all of this since shortly after Zaidyn was born. It took awhile for Cody to understand any of it..but now he finally does. Like I explained before, I am more myself now then I ever was in the past 2 and a half years. It is almost like Cody had to get to know a completely different person. Now that he is getting to know the "real" me..he realizes that the last 2 years I wasn't myself what so ever. When I first started talking to him about all of this, he really made me feel like I was being extremely selfish. Which I do feel that way sometimes. But in a situation like this, that is OKAY. I have to be selfish when it comes to MY life and MY feelings. Sure we have kids together, but that doesn't mean that I have to settle with the feeling of "settling." I read in a book once that the best gift you could ever give your child (besides breastfeeding lol) is to have a wonderful example of a loving relationship for them to observe and learn from. Sure, Cody and I have a good relationship...but not a loving one? We just recently started being very communicative with one another and that is after 2 years! My mind is just so scattered about all of this. On one hand I really want to keep my family together and make things work. I know I could make things work..but in the long run am I going to feel fulfilled and satisfied in the realtionship? Obviously not if I already don't! I would like to think that things are going to change once the kids get a little older and aren't so dependent on us and we could spend more time focusing on our relationship...but on the other hand even though we are super busy in life right now, with the kids etc..the time we do spend together should be alot more "electric" then it is that is for sure! I also started on birth control for the first time in 3 years and I think it is making me a raging bitch. No joke. I mean maybe its just because of everything going on right now but for real dude. I swear everything that comes out of my mouth to him is snotty as hell. Then 2 minutes later I'm apologizing and being all nice. It's like I'm fucking bi-polar! I don't know how he puts up with me for real. I told Cody probably 2-ish months ago that I was moving out..and him being a guy and all...didn't start looking for a place for himself until A WEEK BEFORE OUR LEASE WAS UP. Obviously he didn't find a place, DUH. So he has been staying with me..which at first I was really irritated about. 1. I moved out for a reason! 2. I had to come up w/ money for first months rent and a security deposit which was not easy at all..all while doing this 12hr shift business so I can make enough money to pay all the bills etc and make it financially on my own..while he is living with me not paying a penny and just lolly gagging about finding a place of his own. It's like just because finding him a place to live wasn't something that I could do FOR him..he just didn't do it. ANOTHER GOOD REASON WHY WE DEFINITELY NEED OUR SPACE! Newsflash of the century pal, I ain't your mom! I do not need to do everything for you! I just don't freaking even know what to say about the situation anymore. Like I've heard before "if you have something good, don't be stupid enough to let it go". Ugh. Cody is such a great guy...but there are just very important aspects to our relationship that are missing that I just can not be okay with missing!!!!!!!!! I truly feel this will be a make it or break it kind of decision on my part. It just kind of got to a point though where I realized that if SOMETHING wasn't done to either give us space or have time alone..it certainly wasn't going to get better..we were only going to become more resentful and things were only going to get worse. I could sit and question shit every day, or we could take some time apart and see what happens. At least now I'm not fucking questioning shit everyday. I'll try to keep up to date on this whole sitaution but honestly..its just so stressful and hard trying to figure out what is best.
*This blog is so lengthly that I refuse to go back and read it and check for spelling errors etc. I am the biggest spell freak of planet USA but tonight I just don't think I feel like doing it. You will forgive me for the mistakes won't you?
*So at midnight is when you do your first rounds. Well this is my first time at this NOC business. I was thinking midnight rounds would take up a good 30 minutes of my night to keep me busy and awake. Joke is on me. It took me 10 stinking minutes. FUUUUUCK. I have 2 hours left how in the h? I won't get home until 3am then I gotta get up w/ the kids and back to work for another 12 hour shift at 2. AND SAME FOR MONDAY TOO!!! I will survive this I will survive this I will survive this.
*Right now I am obsessed with The Bachelor. I hardly watch any tv and I really do mean that. But once and awhile I will start watching The Bachelor or Bachelorette and I am hooked from the start. I really really like this season of the Bachelor mainly because Ben is just such a geniune good person. One of the last 2 finalists, Courtney, is seriously stupid x 1000. If he picks her I will seriously keel over and die. But I just have this feeling he will just because that is always what happens. But for realzy he just really needs to not choose her.
*I am soooo bored that I think I will be kind enough to do all the charting for the girl that comes in at 2. The usual 12hr shift is 6am-6pm and then 6pm to 6am. It just so happenes that me and this other lady really liked the 2-230 idea..it worked best for both of us..which is completely awesome because I get to still have my mornings with my kids. The lady who does the schedules here is a complete moron (no really she is I'm not just being mean). She absolutely did not want to let us do the 2-230 business because it would make scheduling "complicated". Now how the hell is is that complicated. She is working 12 hrs and I am working the other 12 hours. It still makes up the 24 hours regardless sooo??? At first she had me scheduled 4, 12 hour shifts in a row and I told her that she was on fucking crack if she thought that was even humanly possible to do on little sleep. The administrator told her to change it so now it ends up being 3 days in a row instead of 4..which is better but still sucks anus.
Alright, well..I'm so tired that my brain really can't think of much else to say which is just odd because I never have nothing to say. I am not sure where I will be working tomorrow evening during the NOC shift so depending on that I will try to blog again. If I work anywhere besides the unit, I have no access to a computer that I can illegally use with out anybody knowing about it. I think I am going to get a sketchbook and start drawing or hit up the library to check out a book to read or something!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)