Who needs it anyways?

When I ask..."who needs it anyways" I am referring to sleep. The amount of sleep..or lack there of lately, is just getting unbearable. I know I know that once she comes I will be shorted sleeping time as well..but at least in the time that I CAN sleep..I will. Right now I'm just not sleeping AT ALL. I am so exhausted mentally and physically. I can't think straight to save my stinkin life! The other night I was literally WIDE awake from 1am to 6am. I couldn't even just lay there and try to sleep. Impossible. My braxton hicks are so intense that laying in bed just hurts because its like my stomach is stinkin concrete every 5 minutes. Last night was a little better because I was actually able to fall asleep...but I was up every hour to take a whiz. EVERY HOUR. For some reason after Cody leaves for work in the morning is when I can get some serious sleep in. Meaning...for 2 hours straight with out waking up. Then of course I get woken up from my "deep sleep" with a little guy making something like dinosaur noises? Regardless of how tired I am in the morning and how much I do not want to get out of bed..I still love seeing my little guy first thing in the morning. He's just so stinkin cute I tell ya. Anyhow, my next doctors appointment is tomorrow and it will be a week and a day since my last cervical check. I am HOPING, PRAYING, PLEADING that I have made some progress. Any progress. Even 1cms worth of progress. It gives me hope. Even if it really, in all reality, means nothing.

PUPPP SHMUPPP

I just wanted to say, in case anyone was unaware, that I am SO ready to get this baby out of me! The PUPPPS rash has returned and I am livid. It is so highly unlikely to even get it your first pregnancy..and the odds are non existent for getting it your second. Not to mention, it usually occurs when you are having a boy. I have defied all odds here people. My doctor said it is literally crazy to him that I have gotten it once again. I think with Axton I got it at 32 weeks...so I am thankful that I started getting it at 36 weeks this time around. It is just on my stomach for now..but I am dreading..and I mean DREADING it to spread any further on my body. By the time Axton was born it was from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. It was TERRIBLE. When I went to the doctor on Monday I told him I didn't need the steroid cream quite yet just because putting regular lotion on it when it got super itchy was working well enough. Two days later I regret what I said. During the day it isn't so bad. Once and awhile it will start itching like crazy and I feel like I could just bust out of my skin from the intense urge to itch it like crazy. At night it is the worst, only because I can't really control myself. It will start itching while I'm sleeping..and I'll start itching it half sleeping and not realize that I'm doing it. Once you start itching..it really is quite impossible to stop, literally. When I'm going crazy itching it..it feels SOOOOOOO good..and the second I stop it is just an overwhelming hot burning crazy ass itching feeling that is unbearable...so I start itching again and it goes away and I am feeling bliss. The problem with this is that itching it is what causes it to spread. Having it contained on my belly is enough problem in itself. I do not need it on my arms and legs and feet and back again. NO I DO NOT. I called my doctor this morning and said Just kidding I would like the steroid cream! The problem with the steroid cream vs regular lotion is that you have to use very sparingly because the steroids soak into the skin and are absorbed..therefore baby can be exposed to it as well. I just want it for nighttime so I don't make it much much worse unknowingly. Friday will mark me full term and then she better come out ASAP before this rash gets out of control! I know that I can't decide that...but it would be mighty swell if she would do that for me. Cervical check on Monday showed 1cm dilated, 25% effaced and fully softened so lets get this stinkin show on the road eh?

Peep and Low

So just a couple things here.

For one, I just realized today walking down to the first level of the apartment building to do laundry that some of the doors have peep holes and some do not. Our door does not have a peep hole and I always wondered why. Now I am even more questioning this lack of peep hole because some people in this building have that luxury! I usually know exactly who is coming over and when....but every once and awhile that doorbell will ring and I won't have aaaaaaany idea who it is. It would be nice at that exact moment in time to be one of the cool tenants of this building and have a peep hole.

For two, as I was saying I was heading downstairs to do some laundry. Last week I did a mother load amount of laundry because I kept putting it off. HATE doing laundry. This morning before Cody went to work he says..babe I'm out of socks. First off, I don't do "whites" often because if I have to pay a dollar to wash and a dollar to dry, you bet your butt it's going to be a full load. Therefore...we have a separate basket for whites and I don't do them until its full. Or when Cody says he is out of socks. You would THINK that yesterday when he grabbed his last pair in the drawer he would tell me at that point so he would have a pair of socks for today..but that is a big fat negatronathon on that. I really didn't feel like doing laundry today and especially a load of whites because folding socks is just the pits. But as I was putting the laundry in and thinking about how I really didn't want to fold all the socks later... I reassured myself that folding all the socks later was much better then having to wear a pair of dirty nasty socks dug out of the hamper like Cody did. Anyways, I got a little off of topic. My second point in this blog was to actually say that lately every time I go do laundry the temperature setting is on "low". This drives me nuts. Seriously EVERY time. Now who the heck needs to dry their laundry on low every time? I have made the mistake a couple of times of not double checking the temp and then going down an hour later and have my clothes half dry and have to spend another dollar. What a jip! I think someone does it for jokes. Or someone that works for the people we rent from go to all the buildings everyday and resets the temp settings so they can make more money. Either way, dumb!!!!

Squeezin for time

The last couple days I have had the worst mood swings known to mankind. Poor Cody. I'm just a glooming dark cloud over his head I bet. At least I can admit it! I've been so terrible. Anything and everything I just get mad at Cody for...I forgot to push start on the dishwasher-cody's fault. I have a super stuffy nose and can't find a box of kleenex anywhere - cody's fault. Axton pooped 5 times in one day -Cody's fault. Cody gives me his opinion about something or his thoughts- I shut them down in .2 seconds. I'm such a horrible fiance! I've just been rather stressed this past week. My deadline for getting everything done for baby Zaidyn is Friday...and that is coming up rather shortly. I just have a lot of organizing left to do with limited space to do it. I don't have a dresser for her so its been kind of tricky figuring out where to put clothes that don't hang up. I am not nesting what so ever and very much doubt that I will get another burst of energy to "nest". I wish a couple months ago when I got bursts of "nesting" I would have gotten more accomplished. I've been sick, which has also made my energy level even lower then usual. The last couple days I've been getting the regular Braxton hicks, and yesterday was pretty crampy as well. I know every pregnancy is different but with Axton I didn't get the regular Braxton hicks until a day or two before he was born...but that was after I knew I was already dilated to 2ish, and also had lost my mucous plug. At my last appointment he didn't do a cervical check..and this week he is out on vacation (yikes!) but I do have an appointment on Monday where he is going to check me. Who knows, I could be totally off on my "instincts" and she could stay in there cooking for another 4 weeks for all I know. What I do know is that I would really like to have everything done so I don't have to worry about it. Here is my list of things to do prior to friday (so I like to think):

-Finish organizing her clothes

-Clean her room top to bottom

-Finish her crib mobile. Soooo almost done just need to adjust a little something something and hang it.

-Pack hospital bag

-Pack Axton's bag for when I go into labor and he goes to grandmas.

-Clean the apartment top to bottom so I don't have to worry about it later.

-Get last couple things on the list needed at Target/Walmart for baby Zaidyn

-Go through tote of things for baby such as bottles etc..and do rearranging in kitchen to make room in a cupboard for her stuff.

-Fill out and send out thank you cards for baby shower stuff so I don't have to do that once she comes considering then I will have double duty with announcements and such.

Yuck the list is longer then I thought. I need my sister to come over and help me w/ organizing and such. I hate doing it and she likes organizing other peoples stuff.

Bad Math

9 months pregnant lady + not fun diet + extremely high hormone levels + lower back and hips that pop in and out of place constantly + kid with really messy diapers today + really sore throat where it hurts to talk and swallow + a cough that makes my throat feel even worse + a fiance that thinks it is a good idea to have his brother and girlfriend over tonight which is enough to put me over the edge = really...REALLY unhappy lady.

Somebody, please save me.

Two Years Today

Two years ago today, two significant things happened. One was more significant then the other but still both pretty significant.

1. I found out I was pregnant with Axton

2. I kicked my habit of smokin cigs.

How crazy to think that two years ago I was literally shitting my pants at the thought that I was growing a little human inside me, when I didn't even know if I wanted kids!! I was freaking out about how I was going to tell my mom, and I was freaking out about what the heck I was going to do about my internship I just got accepted to take at a hospital in downtown Milwaukee in Radiology. Sooo many decisions had to be made in such a short period of time. On top of the massive amount of stress, I had to kick my habit of smoking. I didn't smoke A LOT..but probably a pack every 3 days? Maybe? I don't recall. Either way, it was a bad time to quit the one thing that relieved stress. Either way, I did it...its been two years and I haven't even had one single pufferoo. I think if Cody ever saw a cig to my mouth anyways, he would be absolutely disgusted and would never want to see me again. This made it very easy to not start smoking again after Axton was born. Speaking of which, last night I had a dream that Cody was smokin cigs behind my back. Quite bizarre because he is absolutely in every way disgusted by cigarettes and would NEVER and I mean NEVER smoke. Regardless..just thought I would share what was going on in my life two years ago today. I think I will probably always remember June 10th.

Updateroozki

Yesterday I had my ultrasound and today I had my follow up doctors appointment. Everything went really well! I loooved seeing her on the screen although it was a bit tricky because at this point in a pregnancy you can't really fit much of the baby on the screen so it was tid bits of her at a time. We did get a really good look at her face and she even stuck her tongue out at us which was SO cute! She definitely has chunky cheeks! So cute! Anyways, I was really curious her size since the doctor said she would probably be putting weight on faster then normal due to the high sugar levels she is exposed to. At my appointment this morning Dr. Sorenson informed me that she is currrently estimated to be 6 and a half pounds already. WHAAAAAAAAAAT! Obviously that is give or take because it can't be EXACT through an ultrasound but still. I could potentially have 5ish weeks left! She would be HUGE! Doctor thinks most likely I will go early, and he wouldn't stop labor if it happened anytime after 36 weeks. That is in a week and 2 days. I'm not saying I am going to go into labor at exactly 36 weeks because I doubt that...I'm just saying that if I DID...nothing would stop her arrival and that is in a week and a half!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would prefer her to wait until 37 weeks, that gives me a little more time. Maybe she will be born on my Mom's birthday, wouldn't that be fun? Great birthday present, a granddaughter! My placenta is welllllll away from my cervix so that isn't an issue at all anymore. Which is relieving. Doc and I went over my documentation of my blood sugar levels etc and instead of testing 6 times a day he said I only have to check 3 times a day. Or 4? Jeesh now I can't remember and that is kind of important. Dang prego brain! My next appointment is a week from Monday. He is going on vacation next week so he wants to see me right when he gets back. Sounds good to me. Also, while I was in the waiting room at the clinic, I was gandering outside and all of a sudden an old man is going down the middle of the the road (main street mind you) on a riding lawn mower with his oxygen tank attached to the back along with a sign that says "gittn r done". I literally almost shit myself. If that doesn't make one feel like they really do live in the middle of bumfuck wheatfieldville, I don't know what would. I finally got Cody to paint my toenails last night. It look A LOT of convincing for a couple weeks at least. I couldn't take it anymore, and he finally gave in. It was just the cutest thing. He was being so precise and trying to do such a good job. A) I have like NO nailpolish choices and every single one I do is so old. Therefore, the polish was like..clingy weird stringy like. B) Cody didn't realize that he was working with the worst possible polish. C) When I would give him tips on how to do it, he would reply saying that he knows what he is doing because he touches up cars at work all the time. SO the same thing, right? Anyways, the end result was mediocre. My right foot looks pretty okay, my left foot looks like shit! Nail polish all round the nail and ugh, just terrible! I told him he did a GREAT job though of course! He is so sweet!!!! Just love him to pieces I tell you!

This weekend was a rather fun one!

Saturday I had a baby shower that Cody's Mom put on for me. It wasn't really a "shower" but more of a family get together in which we celebrated the fact that Cody and I are expecting another little baby. Guys and girls were there, and it was a really fun day. We didn't play any baby shower games or any of that...we just had a great lunch, opened presents and hung out! It was great! It started at 3, and we didn't get home until 8:30 or so! It was nice for Cody to be able to hang out with his family since he doesn't get many days off. It was the PERFECT weather outside. Sunny, but sooo nice in the shade and a nice cool breeze! My kind of day! Axton loved playing in the yard and throwing the frisbee. He did get a little boo boo on his nose and forehead, but that is just what comes with being a kid! A curious one!

Sunday we had a family get together out at my dads house. We hardly ever get together out there, and when we do its always a grand time. Great big yard for Axton to run around in and boy does he take advantage of it! He loves playing with the dogs, and he especially hit jackpot when he found a giant wind chime attached to a tree. These two days of family get togethers didn't help my diet much, but I did okay. Nothing too extreme :/

Today I brought Axton to the waterpark for the first time this summer. For one, why is it so dang expensive? Why would 1-3 year olds be 3 dollars to get in? They can't even go past the shallow part..therefore are not taking up any room on the water slides etc, and don't even require the attention of the lifeguards because their guardians are obviously right next to them at all times making sure they are okay. What a jip I say. It was 8 bucks for the two of us to get in. Since Axton is still rather little...its not like he can spend ALL day at the water park to make the 8 bucks sorta worth it. We were there for 2 hours and that was pushing it. He was ready for a nap, there were a million people there, and I was blazin hot. I would have loved to just lay in the pool and enjoy the cool water but nope....had to chase Axton around since he loves going in every which direction in and out of the water sitting then standing then over by the fountains then in mommy's lap. Exhausting! It wouldn't be so bad if going from sitting to standing/standing to sitting wasn't so difficult. I also have had the worst and I mean WORST heartburn for the last 24 hours that will NOT go away no matter what! I slept soooo horrible last night because my heartburn was making me miserable as well as the fact that I had a pounding headache that wouldn't subside. Heartburn is manageable for me, I just pop some tums and it goes away right away. But not the last day and a half no siree! It wants to just keep creepin up and burn every shred of esophagus possible for as long as possible.

Tomorrow Cody and I get to see our little Zaidyn again! We have an ultrasound at 3:30 and I can't wait to see her! They want to A) Check for the last time the position of the placenta. B) Check on her size since babies exposed to high blood sugar levels put on weight faster. I quite frankly don't care what the reasoning, I'm just glad I get to see her again! I'm ready to see her in real life, not just on a screen! But since she is the one who determines when she will make her entrance into the world, the screen will have to do for now! Then on Wednesday I have a follow up doctors appointment to discuss the ultrasound and also start my weekly visits. My doctor is going to be on vacation my 36th week, so this week is kind of taking place of my 36th week. Wait that doesn't make sense. I'll be 35 weeks on Friday, but I think he's going to be on vacation next week? Who the heck knows what the heck is going on.

The Scoop. The 1/2 Cup Scoop that is..

My appointment with the dietitian went really well. I really learned a lot and will be able to apply it to my eating habits currently pregnant and afterwards. I guess mostly I learned correct portions and when during the day is best for me to have how many servings of carbs. Before, I would eat a crap ton of breakfast because that was the only time during the day I was actually hungry. The rest of the day I could care less if I would eat and I would basically have to make myself. The reason for this is because I would eat so much at breakfast raising my blood sugars threw the roof making so my body wouldn't trigger "hunger" because my sugars remained high for a long time. When she checked my blood sugar level yesterday it was supposed to be under 120 and mine was 166. We basically decided I would monitor my blood sugar 6 times a day. Before and after each meal. Keep record, and also keep record of what I eat/how many servings of carbs per meal or snacktime. Since I haven't been technically "diagnosed" with gestational diabetes, the doctor said that I have to test my blood sugar level right away in the morning and if in the next week there are a total of 2 times that it is high before breakfast then I would get the diagnosis. This morning I tested right away before breakfast, and my level was 79, and it is supposed to be between 60 and 95. Usually, AFTER I have my feast of a breakfast my levels are between 150-200, when they are supposed to be under 120. I have to admit that this morning when I had to start my whole "portion/carb control" business..I was pretty disappointed. I had ONE egg, ONE piece of toast..with WATER. I am allowed 1-2 carb servings for breakfast...and she suggested I stick with one since my body is particularly sensitive to sugars in the morning. Since I am so used to eating anything and everything old country buffet style for breakfast...the ONE egg and ONE piece of toast felt like it was feeding my right arm. Surprisingly though, I did feel full. An hour later I tested my blood sugar to see if it was under 120 and it was 99. So I guess this whole diabetes thing can be controlled via diet..which is really good considering poking myself 6 times a day to check my sugar levels is enough needle for me. I told the dietitian that I have a huge sweet tooth..well actually I think I worded it that every single one of the teeth in my mouth is a sweet tooth. So I asked her what I can do about that because I will NEED some sort of sweet. So my nighttime snack can consist of either a pudding cup, 1/2 cup ice cream, or 17 teddy grahams. NOT 18 teddy grahams okay...17. I have to keep reminding myself that this is potentially short lived. I am 34 weeks today, and in 3 weeks Zaidyn could come at anytime and none of this will matter anymore. However, I hope to find this diet thing sticking so when I want to lose my baby weight it will help a lot.

P.S. I just made 2 loaves of banana bread that are pretty much a waste because that is something on my diet plan that is NOT included. Unfortunately.

I know I hardly ever have titles but that is because I don't just have one general thing to say, it is multiple that have nothing to do with each other. Oh well, right? When I have multiple things to say, I like to bullet them, it is easier to organize my thoughts this way and also realize when my blog entry is getting way too hefty.

**Memorial Day: Man was it hot! We went to my sisters for a BBQ and then Cody and I went to Eau Claire to do some shopping/browsing. I got a tie dye tapestry for Zaidyn's room that I really like. I also got a dress to wear at my baby shower this weekend that Cody's Mom and Aunts are throwing for me. Cody bought Axton a Brewers hat as well as a brewers shirt. Super cute! I guess I can't really think of what else we bought. We basically just wanted to get out and do something other then sit around at home. My feet were SOOOO swollen when we got home from walking around..I'm sure the heat had something to do with that. I'm really NOT looking forward to the whole swollen feet business.

**I am desperate for a pedicure. I really need my toenails painted and my feet need some serious attention after the winter months. I really can't paint my toenails myself....Cody said he would do it if he HAD to but doesn't really want to. Either way, a pedicure would be nice, but who the heck is going to go with me? I don't want to go by myself? Anyone want to get a pedicure with me please? It will be a nice treat to start off the summer. Please I'm begging.

**I would really like to accomplish a lot today around the house. There is laundry to be done, and I also want to get moving on Zaidyn's room. If she came today, I would be just fine...but I do not want to have to worry about sorting/organizing when she gets here. I still have time and I am aware of that..but the hotter it gets, and the larger I get..the harder it is going to be for me to do all those things and the less I'm actually going to want to do those things. I hope to hang up her new tapestry today, and hang up her letters. I am done with making the parts for the mobile, I just have to put it together, which I need some assistance with that..perhaps I could convince Cody tonight to help me. Axton absolutely loves when he can sneak into her room and dig through stuff. You know, new exciting things to play with etc. He found a travel size bottle of baby powder and made an absolute mess. Seriously everywhere. I put it as my fb status and some girl said that it was really scary because if he inhaled it, it could kill him. Whaaaaaaaat? For one, I have NEVER heard of that in my entire life. I looked it up and it does have harmful effects if not a certain kind of baby powder etc etc...but regardless, if it is that harmful why the hell do they even make it?? And why wouldn't anyone I know, know this? For two, thank you for pointing out to fb world that I deserve the worst mom of the year award. For three, all night I was thinking my kid was going to die thanks to this girl, and couldn't sleep and checked on him a million times. DUMB! For four, I feel sorry for kids these days because everything comes with a warning sign, this or that puts them at risk for this or that and don't do this and don't use this and blah blah blah. How the hell did I survive? Or my Mom? or her mom? A bunch of hogwash I tell you.

**Tomorrow I meet with a dietitian for an hour and a half to discuss my gestational diabetes. She is going to ask me what I usually eat etc, then make a plan for me, as well as teach me how to use the equipment to test my blood sugars etc. A bunch of hogwash I tell you. I have NEVER been on any kind of diet and have always just eaten whatever the heck I want to. I will NOT do well with being on a strict diet and I will NOT enjoy any part of it. I saw an example day of meals etc and I don't like any of it. I like how they try to amp a meal up and try to make it sound really good...a fresh salad with AS MANY FRESH VEGGIES as you want!! Newsflash, I don't like anything on my salad besides lettuce and italian dressing. I also don't like veggies unless they are cooked because I don't like the crunch texture. So basically the salad to me sounds like shit. I hope she can really work with me so we can come up with a happy medium. Her coming up with a diet for me that I just KNOW I won't be able to follow or agree to..would be a waste of her time and mine. I am very very particular about my food, and I like what I like and I don't like what I don't like. (Imagine that!) For the safety of my daughter I obviously am going to try my best to make a difference..but I'm not going to eat stuff I don't like. I am rather nervous about how it will all turn out but we will see. We have NOOOOO groceries in the house and it is such slim pickins round meal/snack time. I figure it is absolutely pointless for me to go grocery shopping until after my appointment when I'm sure I'm going to have to buy things that I normally wouldn't.

**I keep having dreams about Zaidyn coming. One dream she was born and literally had the darkest black skin I have ever seen. I was like, why is my baby black? Cody was like..why is our baby black??? I was crying and crying trying to tell Cody that I really didn't mess around with anybody and it was his baby! It was crazy. Another dream I had consisted of her being born and before she was even all the way out of my area, everyone was yelling how much she looked like Cody. I also very frequently dream that she is going to come early and I'm not ready at home for her. This is also why I want to get going so that maybe these scary not ready dreams will stop! I can't believe how close the time is coming to her arrival. This pregnancy has gone by SOOO fast. Day by day it doesn't feel like it, but a week will go by and I will hardly even notice. Sometimes I think about it and I get soooo nervous! But mostly I am so excited to meet her.

I think it is getting to hefty mode so I will cut it off here although I'm sure I could babble more. I will write after tomorrow to share my doctors appointment with dietitian since I'm SURE it will be SOOOOO interesting and people will be dying to hear about it!!