Tis the life!

So here is from Sunday morning, and yes I know I look like a million bucks:
Hot Mess Here
Here is from this afternoon:
Poop

6 years later..

I thought I would try this approach, tell me if you think it's too creepy. 

VIDEO ONE OF ME JABBERING

THEN

VIDEO TWO OF ME JABBERING

Overdue

How dare I go that long with out blogging!!! Uncalled for! You know, I actually saw today when I logged in that they now have blogger mobile?? I looked into it and it looks like a piece of shit. I mean it would be pretty legit if I could plug a keyboard into my phone.. (which essentially I might as well just sit at my damn computer) but there is no stinking way I am typing out on my phone blogs! It would take forever! And my phone is just so lame. I mean, I like it...but I will never get another touch screen unless it has a keyboard also. Sometimes it just won't work, and when I push a certain letter a completely different one will show up on the screen. Drives me beyond batty.

I just have to say that Axton is a complete Momma's boy today. I gotta tell you something super funny that happened the other.. Axton and I were playing hide and go seek. I was hiding behind the bathroom closet door that was slightly closed, and I heard Axton running down the hall. He came into the bathroom, didn't notice me, then walked over to the toilet, put the lid up..looked in and said, Where you Momma? hahahahaha P.S. That was the worst run on sentence in the universe I am aware of such things. It's called..too lazy to figure out what I should say instead.

Oh gol! I got my tattoo done as you probably know...It is finally done healing. Man oh man, definitely was a bitch healing one on my leg. I had to do 3 12hr shifts in a row right after getting it. Didn't even think about the fact that I'd be on my feet all day walking/running around. Soo sore! But I'm in love with it. She looks great:

I go back on Tuesday to finish it up! I can't wait to see her all finished..however, I am in no mood to deal with the sore leg all over again :( At least I'm doing it the day after my 3 in a row 12hr shifts so I have a buncha days off. Course I'll put pics up via FB and on here to show you :)

Next line of business. Just a few random things. So, doing the 12hr shifts at work I really am loving it. I love only working 3 days a week, having 4 off, but still being full time. The only problem is that staying up until 230AM literally kills me. I get home at 3a and up w/ the kids at usually 8ish-9ish..(course there are the days where they get up super early or super late). At first I was drinking an energy drink at night at work to keep me awake, but that got way to extreme. I can get really effected by a can of soda, so an energy drink made me feel like my pulse was riverdancing and I was so fidgety and crazy that I just didn't like it. So then I was trying different approaches to staying awake and not being a crazy fool. I tried this all natural drink :

Tasted like absolute shit. Don't recommend it in the slightest. I literally only had 2 drinks so I can't even say if it worked or not. First drink: "ewww what the fuck" Second drink (course just to make sure it was gross): "Ewww what the fuck!" So, then I decided I would try the 5 hour energy which I was very very hesitant to do. I thought it would seriously jack me up so bad everyone at work would think I did about 60 lines of cocaine prior to walking in since I would be talking like a god damn auctioneer. Also I didn't want to run into the problem of drinking it too early and then having mad crash time end of my shift OR drinking it too late and laying in bed at 3am like a dumb dumb not able to sleep. I can actually report that I love the 5 hour energy! It doesn't make me all crazy hyped up..it just makes it so you don't feel tired at all and keeps you going. It doesn't make me feel over the top awake, it just makes me feel "normal" alert and awake. Now the taste of them 5 hour energy? YUCK CITY! When I drank my first one I was outside with two ladies who I bring out for their ciggies twice in my shift. They laughed so hard at the face I made when I drank it that the one lady said I had to change her undies when we got inside cuz she "dribbled". That is the same lady that said she could be rich if she could video tape me for a day and sell it. Yesterday she described me as "such a loving young lady with a lot of heart..but weird and random as all hell" HAHAHAHAHA! Sounds pretty accurate. She also told me for the first time last night that she loves me :) She said she thinks of me as her granddaughter and has the same love for me as if I was her own. Made me really happy. I'm glad I can interact with the residents in such a way that they know I care, and I can be myself in front of them and they see the real me. I'm not close with any of my grandparents at all...which is really sad but I'm not. I can honestly say that some of the residents I am closer to then I have ever been to any of my grandparents. It kind of makes me really sad cuz I wish I had the kind of relationship with my grandparents as I do with a couple of the residents at work. I mean, if you think about it, it's kinda messed up. I feel closer to some elderly folks that have been a part of my life for 5 months then I do to my grandparents that have been a part of my life for forever? I guess I don't really have much else to say about that. Regardless, I brought Axton and Zaidyn up to the nursing home last weekend to meet some of the residents. Zaidyn shit her pants literally 1 second into walking in the door and of course I just left the diaper bag in the car cuz why would I need it if I was only going to be inside for a MAX of a half hour? Zaidyn is happy literally 99.9% of the time..smiling and/or laughing. When she saw the old guys...she got the saddest look on her face like she was so scared!!!!! Axton just wanted to run up and down the halls goin all crazy. But at least now some of the residents I'm close with can put a face to the names even though I show them pics all the time!

Next line of business..this stuff:

Came across it at the store and thought I would try it. I like coffee stuff but making coffee in the morning I always forget I make it. And I don't drink anything fast..I drink everything slow as snail pace so my coffee always gets cold when I do remember I made some. So..this stuff?? SOOOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS! Put ice in a glass pour this over WABAM. Done. Delicious. Honestly. My new fav stuff.

Next line of business. Daycare. So when my Mom got a new job in the cities, I had to find daycare. Well it was NOT an easy task let me tell you. Finally FINALLY found one that I really like and everything has been going super duper good. Last night when Cody picked up the kids, they gave him a letter saying they are moving to Wisconsin Dells and the last day they will be able to watch the kids is April 27th. Are you fucking kidding me??????? They have only been there for 3 weeks! Why the FUCK would they even accept Axton and Zaidyn in if they knew they were going to be moving? And why wouldn't they tell me that????????? I'm so pissed! I think that is so disrespectful and stupid. So now I have to start searching ALL over again. I'm so upset about this! Seriously!!!!! I talked to at least 18 day cares before finding this one for the kids. Cooooooooool. I wish I could find one ASAP and not bring them back to the one they are at now cuz I'm so pissed I don't know if I'll be able to keep my damn mouth shut when I see them next.

So, Zaidyn's first tooth popped through yesterday!! When she woke up yesterday AM and smiled so large and in charge as usual..I saw it and was sooo excited! My baby girl is getting so big! She started crawling this week and her first tooth!?! Where is the time going!!!!!! Yesterday two pregnant girls at my work came in for a visit (they used to work there but no longer do) and I kinda got baby fever not gonna lie. I hate being pregnant but how fun! Feeling the baby move and stuff! I miss it. Nothing else about it though. So, last night when I got home from work..I went in to look at the kiddos and it was like 395839 degrees in the room cuz the space heater was on full blast daddy style. What did I do besides turn it down? Naturally I used Axton's sweat to spike his hair and then snap pics:

That is all.

WTF

Okay seriously, this pisses me off. If I want to eat a cookie or 15, I wanna be able to get in and out of the package hassle free. Can't they take a little hint from Chips Ahoy, with the open on top hassle free package? Once I can actually manage to get some cookies out of the package, the last thing I want to do is spend 5 minutes trying to get the plastic cookie holder back into the wrapper. Makes me feel like I'm beating the shit out of it. Kind of looks like I beat the shit out of it, too.

Next subject, old lady that lives downstairs. They told me prior to me signing the lease that a really old lady lives on the lower level of this house. So old that you can knock on her door as loud as you can for 5 minutes straight and she won't hear you. I thought that was pretty awesome having kids and all. Regardless, there is a 2 car garage here and I am supposed to have one of the spots, naturally. Well, since I have lived here..which was since the 21st of last month..I have not been able to park in the garage one single time because old fart parks in the fucking middle of the garage. Swell. So I just dealt with it at first..cuz you know..she's old as ballsack. But through the big snowstorms that we just had a bit ago..it would have been REAL nice to be in the garage! So today, I went on strike. Not really strike..but I talked to the owner of the house, and I told him I want my rent lowered since the garage isn't an amenity that I am capable of using. He said he completely agreed :) Woot Woot. Yay for Caitlin going on garage strike!

Molly

Tattoo time folks. This Thursday I have an appointment for my next tattoo! I'm so excited. I really have just soo many that I want and I had to take a couple years off so I feel so behind, and so anxious. Anyway, I'm going all out this time. Let me introduce you to Molly:

Isn't she beautiful? I drew her a looooooooong time ago. High school sometime. My original drawing is way battered up, I still have it..but I redid it recently because I knew she was going to be my next tattoo. I have wanted to get her for a long time, but I really wanted to wait until the perfect time in my life to do so. I think Molly will probably be my most meaningful tattoo besides the tattoos I get for my children. She has a cloud over her and it just happens to be raining. I have this quite unfortunate feeling that in my life its always fucking raining. That is NOT me saying that my life sucks. Just clarifying. It just means that even when I'm going through a positive time in my life, or experience something positive, or make a multitude positive memories..there always as to be SOMETHING that happens to make it a difficult task and/or just dampers it a bit. I really don't feel like elaborating much on that one right now, but perhaps someday. I just have terrible luck..that basically sums it up. Regardless, through this rain, Molly is still smiling, and also holding a flower that is larger than life. I say larger then life because it is larger then her, so it symbolizes to me..larger than life. I have so many goals for my lifetime, and sometimes it just seems like such an impossible daunting task list. I am currently trying to maintain a mind set to not look at the list as a whole, but take the first thing and start there. Once that one is accomplished, go to the next. Focus on each individual once vs the entire list. Ya get it? Regardless, I think setting goals for yourself is one of the most important things you can do. It can be any kind of goal...from cleaning the bathroom this week, to having a career that you love. The point is having something to work towards. Having goals makes me feel larger than life, only because it makes me feel that I have control over something. I find myself very uneasy in situations that I have no control over. My goal list? I always have control over that. With all that said, the larger than life flower symbolizes my personal list of goals that I want to always have and always be active with. The pocket watch coming off of the flower looks like shit. I realize that. The tattoo artist is re-doing it for me because I just couldn't do it. I told him I wanted it really really dainty and cute. I am not a good drawer but I tried so hard on Molly and I really do love her. The pocket watch? Looks like asshole. Anyhow, I can still tell you the meaning behind it. The clock will have a time on it that doesn't exist. I am not quite sure what I want that to be. Any ideas? It symbolizes the fact that there is no perfect time for anything...because a "perfect time" doesn't actually exist. If there was something I wanted to do, or buy..I can always think of something else that would be a smarter buy, or something else that I should spend my time doing. Etc. Etc. I decided awhile ago that I was going to kick those nasty thoughts in my head goodbye. If I want to experience something whatever it may be..I'm not letting anything hold me back..because regardless how long I wait, it's still never going to be the perfect time. Perfect example: My Molly tattoo. It is going to be expensive as h and expensive as h. But regardless what point in my life that I am in, I will ALWAYS have things that would be way smarter to spend my money on. I can't live my life that way..I want to experience and go out on limbs and do things that I find myself urging to do. I always wanted to get Molly at a time in my life where I felt I truly needed inspiration. That would be right now. Sure, I need to buy a washer and dryer..and sure I could put it away in my savings. But why the fuck not? I'm always going to have something that would be smarter to buy!!!!!!! Laundry mat? Pain in the ass..but to have Molly? WORTH IT! Anyhow, she is going on my outter left thigh. Then I am getting her framed. Something like this:

None of it is going to be in color. I think she will look soo cute on my thigh with this frame around her. With no color I think the shading of the frame will look really cool. It's going to be pretty darn large. He told me that will all her detail and such, we should do it 12 x 8. EEEK! How exciting! My appointment is on Thursday for 4 hours. It will probably take 2 sessions of 4 hours each. I, of course, will show you a pic Thursday evening. What I'm wondering is what am I supposed to wear when he's doing the tattoo????? Any ideas? Some short ass shorts? Brrrrr! Anyways, suuuuuuuuper excited for Molly!

Who done it

There is this lunatic lady nurse that works NOC shift and well..she's just kinda a raging bitch not gonna lie. Anyways, last night before the NOC shift started and I had my last 4 hours of my 12hr shift...I walk into the break room which was filled with the regular people that work NOC shift..she goes..okay so just so everyone knows there will be NO using the work computers for personal reasons, if caught on the internet it is instant grounds for termination..you can clear the history all you want but it still shows up on the main computer of the tech guy. (Then she looks right at me). WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES TOLD? Just kidding..she is talking out of her ass. If that was the case, me along with plenty of other people would have been fired a long time ago. But basically, someone did rat on me who really knows who...but they can basically keel over and shit their pants. Honestly I think it is so stupid. Do you know what we do on night shift? NOOOOOOOOOTHING. I mean we have things to do here and there but 3 hours and 45 minutes of the 4 hours I work on NOC shift we do nothing. Literally. Why the h does it matter if we would use the bajillion computers laying around? Instead I have to sit on a chair and safety pin my eyelids open. It seems rather inhuman to me. Last night I worked with a new guy named Rich and he is a real cool guy. He was telling me all about his recent milestones in life that are rather strikingly interesting. He is one to care way too much about what other people think about him, which is exactly how I used to be. So I was trying to enlighten him with my experience on how I changed that particular trait of mine. Anyways, this blog is taking me forever to write because every other sentence Axton is having me dig a car from under the couch out. So I think I'll just ace :P

Backtrack

Alright so I just got to admit some stuff. Last night after I posted the post being harshy mc harsherson about 54 year old Christian lady..I felt a little bad to be quite frank. I know I said I disagreed with her on most of it...but I just needed to clarify some stuff. Her first response..I disagreed with most of it. Her second response..I didn't disagree with mainly any of it. Yeah of course it would be "ideal" for every child to get those things, memories etc..but just because they wouldn't doesn't mean they are going to have the shittiest childhood ever. That is what was mainly the frustration to me. Her acting like the only way the kids would ever have a chance at a good childhood is if the parents were still together. Also, she said the only good reason for a couple to split is if the father is abusive..otherwise there is no other way it would be better off for them to be apart. What about if the kids are constantly observing fighting, arguing...lack of teamwork? Or if the Dad is never around anyways and the Mother is doing everything by herself anyways? Just because two people would stay together does not mean that it would be all fireworks and doughnuts. There are issues in relationships that sometimes are NOT okay for children to be around and observe. (I am not particularly meaning Cody and I because we keep our issues away from the kids to avoid such things, I am just saying in general.) I remember having this dilemma in my brain when I took a psychology class my freshman year in college. We were discussing family dynamics and how much divorce can effect children. I am not going to sit here and say that divorce doesn't effect children at all....because obviously it does...but believe it or not it can effect children in a positive manner sometimes too. Yes they have two households, and yes they have to go back and forth. But they can have two loving households, two households with a parent in each that does anything and everything for them to ensure they have a happy childhood filled with great memories. I think it really has all to do with the parents intentions on how they want to raise their children, how they want to handle the split, and not so much concentrating on specifically if the parents are together or not. As a parent I think it is important to set goals for how you want to raise your children and never space away from those in any given situation. I mean I have to admit that I can't honestly say she didn't have any effect on me on what she wrote..although I really do hate admitting that. I do now realize that I CAN try a bit harder. I can see where she would say that I am making a drastic move too soon, but in my head I guess I was just trying to protect Cody. If I didn't think it was going to work out long term why would I let him keep holding on to something that inevitably wasn't going to work out? Why put him through watching me struggle each day staying in the relationship? It just didn't seem fair to me. I don't know what the heck is going on my mind is all scattered. Danget 54 year old Christian lady..did to me exactly what she wanted to!!