Ah, Fack!

Duuuuude, I can't believe it has been since May 24th since the last time I blogged! What the h is wrong with me!? In all reality, I usually just have so much to say that I don't even know where to begin so then I just don't. Mega-fail. Should I just do the good ole bullet approach? Dumb question, obv I should!

*First off, my kids are doing great! Zaidyn just turned 1 year old and I am in disbelief! She is such a spitfire and so full of character. I love watching her personality develop and oh boy is she on the move!! Axton is talkin like none other and it just melts my heart, every bit of it!!
*Cody and I are doing much better now that we live separately. I think the space was necessary and there are many many improvements being made because of the ability to just take a look at the relationship from the outside and see exactly what we need to fix. Instead of increasing the tension daily, we are able to get the time apart, and look forward to the little bit of time we actually do get to spend together.  I am also being made aware how often he did the dishes for me, lol! I feel like I am constantly doing dishes it is sickening. I don't have a dishwasher and it's just such a pain in the ass. NOT an enjoyable task at hand let me tell you.
*Work is work. I really love that I get 4 days off a week, but daaaaaaang g, the no sleep business is REALLY catching up to me.  I swear for two weeks straight I was doing just the bare minimum that was required of me. Take care of my kids, work. No energy to do ANYTHING. I think even if I slept for 2 weeks straight I still wouldn't be caught up. On the weekends I work, Cody has the kids so I am able to sleep in..but of course I can't because I just want to spend some time with my kids before I go to work! I am picking up shifts whenever I can so I can have some extra money to do things for myself..such as...making a dent in the "to do" tattoo list. I just got my outline of Axton's but it will probably be awhile til I can get it colored in. I gotta save up for a couple months. Booo, I hate waiting!! I have picked up a rather a lot of shifts in the next couple weeks so we'll see what happens. 
*It seems to me that I have very little patience for people these days. No joke. Just everyone getting on my freaking nerves! Saying stupid shit, just acting stupid. Get your shit together people. Especially at work. I can't STAND working with someone who doesn't know what the hell they are doing. If you don't know what you are doing when you have worked here for a couple weeks, you obviously aren't going to get it at all..so do me a favor and leave. Is that mean? I mean I don't mind being the one to initiate everything and be the one "in charge"..but I certainly don't like bossing people around or having to tell people how to do their job. Not okay! Okay I'm done whining about that.
*It seems I have taken a break in my "self discovery" mode. I am enjoying just having a stress free sort of life right now..for the most part. I need to get my poop in a group and figure out the steps I need to take to finish school. I really don't have that much left, and my student loans are kicking my ass..so I might as well have a degree so it makes it worth it.  I have been on the waitlist for quite some time now at the school I was planning on finishing my degree up at. But apparently I have 2 classes that I need to finish in order to start in the Spring, otherwise I am then taken off the waitlist. It would have been way too convenient if they would have informed me of such things..you know..in the last 2 and a half years I have been out of school. Instead they wait to send me a letter telling me this right before I would have to register for classes/almost when it's too late to register for fall classes. The two courses I need to take are Advanced Anatomy and Physiology and Microbiology. Two classes I am super interested in. Also, two classes that are hard as fuck. They both come with labs so really the two classes seem like 4 as far as tests and homework is concerned. Also, since it would only be 2 classes, I wouldn't receive financial aid for the courses and I would have to pay out of pocket..not even possible!! I am living on one income paying all the bills and such which is tricky in itself. So I'd still have to manage working full time while taking these two hard as fuck courses. Not to mention I took Anatomy and Physiology when I was a freshman in college. How in the universe am I going to just jump right on in to Advanced A&P? Unrealistic! I'd prefer to actually re take A&P before taking the advanced course. I know the class is a lot of work but it would be worth it to gain back all the knowledge that is essentially extremely important anyways, and would benefit me for when I take advanced. Not possible to do all this business prior to spring semester this year. I guess I'm just fucked. What is new.  I sometimes just wanna give up seriously. I mean..with as much as I pay in student loans a month, the amount of money extra I would make by having a nursing degree and being a nurse would be fucking pointless. STUFFTHEYDON'TTELLYOUABOUTCOLLEGE101. I guess if you have rich ass parents that pay your way through school that is one thing. It is sooo hard thinking about going back to school but when I whip out 460 a month in student loans..I NEED to get my degree. Just hard with 2 little kids and a busy life in the first place....nah mean?
*I have been extremely disappointed in the friend department these days. Literally not one single one of my friends showed up to Zaidyns birthday party. Friends around here that is let me state, obv. But seriously! One of my friends even said that she couldn't wait to see me and the kids Saturday at the party..and never showed. Another said she was barfing and couldn't come..but posted a pic of herself on facebook that afternoon lookin all fancy? COME ON. I mean, I can understand where people my age who don't have kids would not enjoy attending a 1 year olds birthday party...but REALLY?! Just fucking deal with the 2 hours of birthday party-ness due to the mere fact that it is my daughter! GOL! I'm just so over it, and so over trying to maintain friendships that essentially obviously mean nothing. I really really don't have many friends at all, and even less actual REAL friends that I know actually care about our friendship. It's just such a joke really. My brother didn't even show up for Zaidyn's birthday party. REALLY DUDE?! I can't handle it. Maybe he had a valid reason for not coming, but why don't you shoot me a text or something and let me know instead of just not showing up and then ignoring the fact that you didn't show up to your neices birthday party? Again, like I stated before, people lately are REALLY irritating me. I just don't have the time and energy for it. Oh you wanna talk to me this week even though you haven't talked to me in months? Um fuck you. Oh, you are interested in maintaining a friendship, and then you aren't, and then you are, and then you aren't? Fuck off. Wow, I think I get a little hostile late at night hahaha. I'm over it.
*Ummm, I wish I could go shopping? I have my obsession with clothes back :/ Before I had kids I was literally obsessed with clothes and spent majority of any money I made on clothes. (Emily, do you remember my 2 full closets that you couldn't believe?) Then I had kids and was chunky as hell and feelin all ugly n shit so I didn't really care about what clothing was covering up my bod. But now that I've lost all that weight and can rock pretty much any kind of clothing..I want to oh so badly but need the materials to! I want really cute dresses and shoes, and accessories. I have some new clothes that I have bought or Cody has bought for me that fit me, but I still have majority of clothes that are way too big. First world problems.
*I think I am done for now. I swear I will try to be better at this, and I also know I say this all the time. But dude, why don't some of you remind me to freaking blog if it's been a while, nah mean?

Tis the life!

So here is from Sunday morning, and yes I know I look like a million bucks:
Hot Mess Here
Here is from this afternoon:
Poop

6 years later..

I thought I would try this approach, tell me if you think it's too creepy. 

VIDEO ONE OF ME JABBERING

THEN

VIDEO TWO OF ME JABBERING

Overdue

How dare I go that long with out blogging!!! Uncalled for! You know, I actually saw today when I logged in that they now have blogger mobile?? I looked into it and it looks like a piece of shit. I mean it would be pretty legit if I could plug a keyboard into my phone.. (which essentially I might as well just sit at my damn computer) but there is no stinking way I am typing out on my phone blogs! It would take forever! And my phone is just so lame. I mean, I like it...but I will never get another touch screen unless it has a keyboard also. Sometimes it just won't work, and when I push a certain letter a completely different one will show up on the screen. Drives me beyond batty.

I just have to say that Axton is a complete Momma's boy today. I gotta tell you something super funny that happened the other.. Axton and I were playing hide and go seek. I was hiding behind the bathroom closet door that was slightly closed, and I heard Axton running down the hall. He came into the bathroom, didn't notice me, then walked over to the toilet, put the lid up..looked in and said, Where you Momma? hahahahaha P.S. That was the worst run on sentence in the universe I am aware of such things. It's called..too lazy to figure out what I should say instead.

Oh gol! I got my tattoo done as you probably know...It is finally done healing. Man oh man, definitely was a bitch healing one on my leg. I had to do 3 12hr shifts in a row right after getting it. Didn't even think about the fact that I'd be on my feet all day walking/running around. Soo sore! But I'm in love with it. She looks great:

I go back on Tuesday to finish it up! I can't wait to see her all finished..however, I am in no mood to deal with the sore leg all over again :( At least I'm doing it the day after my 3 in a row 12hr shifts so I have a buncha days off. Course I'll put pics up via FB and on here to show you :)

Next line of business. Just a few random things. So, doing the 12hr shifts at work I really am loving it. I love only working 3 days a week, having 4 off, but still being full time. The only problem is that staying up until 230AM literally kills me. I get home at 3a and up w/ the kids at usually 8ish-9ish..(course there are the days where they get up super early or super late). At first I was drinking an energy drink at night at work to keep me awake, but that got way to extreme. I can get really effected by a can of soda, so an energy drink made me feel like my pulse was riverdancing and I was so fidgety and crazy that I just didn't like it. So then I was trying different approaches to staying awake and not being a crazy fool. I tried this all natural drink :

Tasted like absolute shit. Don't recommend it in the slightest. I literally only had 2 drinks so I can't even say if it worked or not. First drink: "ewww what the fuck" Second drink (course just to make sure it was gross): "Ewww what the fuck!" So, then I decided I would try the 5 hour energy which I was very very hesitant to do. I thought it would seriously jack me up so bad everyone at work would think I did about 60 lines of cocaine prior to walking in since I would be talking like a god damn auctioneer. Also I didn't want to run into the problem of drinking it too early and then having mad crash time end of my shift OR drinking it too late and laying in bed at 3am like a dumb dumb not able to sleep. I can actually report that I love the 5 hour energy! It doesn't make me all crazy hyped up..it just makes it so you don't feel tired at all and keeps you going. It doesn't make me feel over the top awake, it just makes me feel "normal" alert and awake. Now the taste of them 5 hour energy? YUCK CITY! When I drank my first one I was outside with two ladies who I bring out for their ciggies twice in my shift. They laughed so hard at the face I made when I drank it that the one lady said I had to change her undies when we got inside cuz she "dribbled". That is the same lady that said she could be rich if she could video tape me for a day and sell it. Yesterday she described me as "such a loving young lady with a lot of heart..but weird and random as all hell" HAHAHAHAHA! Sounds pretty accurate. She also told me for the first time last night that she loves me :) She said she thinks of me as her granddaughter and has the same love for me as if I was her own. Made me really happy. I'm glad I can interact with the residents in such a way that they know I care, and I can be myself in front of them and they see the real me. I'm not close with any of my grandparents at all...which is really sad but I'm not. I can honestly say that some of the residents I am closer to then I have ever been to any of my grandparents. It kind of makes me really sad cuz I wish I had the kind of relationship with my grandparents as I do with a couple of the residents at work. I mean, if you think about it, it's kinda messed up. I feel closer to some elderly folks that have been a part of my life for 5 months then I do to my grandparents that have been a part of my life for forever? I guess I don't really have much else to say about that. Regardless, I brought Axton and Zaidyn up to the nursing home last weekend to meet some of the residents. Zaidyn shit her pants literally 1 second into walking in the door and of course I just left the diaper bag in the car cuz why would I need it if I was only going to be inside for a MAX of a half hour? Zaidyn is happy literally 99.9% of the time..smiling and/or laughing. When she saw the old guys...she got the saddest look on her face like she was so scared!!!!! Axton just wanted to run up and down the halls goin all crazy. But at least now some of the residents I'm close with can put a face to the names even though I show them pics all the time!

Next line of business..this stuff:

Came across it at the store and thought I would try it. I like coffee stuff but making coffee in the morning I always forget I make it. And I don't drink anything fast..I drink everything slow as snail pace so my coffee always gets cold when I do remember I made some. So..this stuff?? SOOOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS! Put ice in a glass pour this over WABAM. Done. Delicious. Honestly. My new fav stuff.

Next line of business. Daycare. So when my Mom got a new job in the cities, I had to find daycare. Well it was NOT an easy task let me tell you. Finally FINALLY found one that I really like and everything has been going super duper good. Last night when Cody picked up the kids, they gave him a letter saying they are moving to Wisconsin Dells and the last day they will be able to watch the kids is April 27th. Are you fucking kidding me??????? They have only been there for 3 weeks! Why the FUCK would they even accept Axton and Zaidyn in if they knew they were going to be moving? And why wouldn't they tell me that????????? I'm so pissed! I think that is so disrespectful and stupid. So now I have to start searching ALL over again. I'm so upset about this! Seriously!!!!! I talked to at least 18 day cares before finding this one for the kids. Cooooooooool. I wish I could find one ASAP and not bring them back to the one they are at now cuz I'm so pissed I don't know if I'll be able to keep my damn mouth shut when I see them next.

So, Zaidyn's first tooth popped through yesterday!! When she woke up yesterday AM and smiled so large and in charge as usual..I saw it and was sooo excited! My baby girl is getting so big! She started crawling this week and her first tooth!?! Where is the time going!!!!!! Yesterday two pregnant girls at my work came in for a visit (they used to work there but no longer do) and I kinda got baby fever not gonna lie. I hate being pregnant but how fun! Feeling the baby move and stuff! I miss it. Nothing else about it though. So, last night when I got home from work..I went in to look at the kiddos and it was like 395839 degrees in the room cuz the space heater was on full blast daddy style. What did I do besides turn it down? Naturally I used Axton's sweat to spike his hair and then snap pics:

That is all.

WTF

Okay seriously, this pisses me off. If I want to eat a cookie or 15, I wanna be able to get in and out of the package hassle free. Can't they take a little hint from Chips Ahoy, with the open on top hassle free package? Once I can actually manage to get some cookies out of the package, the last thing I want to do is spend 5 minutes trying to get the plastic cookie holder back into the wrapper. Makes me feel like I'm beating the shit out of it. Kind of looks like I beat the shit out of it, too.

Next subject, old lady that lives downstairs. They told me prior to me signing the lease that a really old lady lives on the lower level of this house. So old that you can knock on her door as loud as you can for 5 minutes straight and she won't hear you. I thought that was pretty awesome having kids and all. Regardless, there is a 2 car garage here and I am supposed to have one of the spots, naturally. Well, since I have lived here..which was since the 21st of last month..I have not been able to park in the garage one single time because old fart parks in the fucking middle of the garage. Swell. So I just dealt with it at first..cuz you know..she's old as ballsack. But through the big snowstorms that we just had a bit ago..it would have been REAL nice to be in the garage! So today, I went on strike. Not really strike..but I talked to the owner of the house, and I told him I want my rent lowered since the garage isn't an amenity that I am capable of using. He said he completely agreed :) Woot Woot. Yay for Caitlin going on garage strike!

Molly

Tattoo time folks. This Thursday I have an appointment for my next tattoo! I'm so excited. I really have just soo many that I want and I had to take a couple years off so I feel so behind, and so anxious. Anyway, I'm going all out this time. Let me introduce you to Molly:

Isn't she beautiful? I drew her a looooooooong time ago. High school sometime. My original drawing is way battered up, I still have it..but I redid it recently because I knew she was going to be my next tattoo. I have wanted to get her for a long time, but I really wanted to wait until the perfect time in my life to do so. I think Molly will probably be my most meaningful tattoo besides the tattoos I get for my children. She has a cloud over her and it just happens to be raining. I have this quite unfortunate feeling that in my life its always fucking raining. That is NOT me saying that my life sucks. Just clarifying. It just means that even when I'm going through a positive time in my life, or experience something positive, or make a multitude positive memories..there always as to be SOMETHING that happens to make it a difficult task and/or just dampers it a bit. I really don't feel like elaborating much on that one right now, but perhaps someday. I just have terrible luck..that basically sums it up. Regardless, through this rain, Molly is still smiling, and also holding a flower that is larger than life. I say larger then life because it is larger then her, so it symbolizes to me..larger than life. I have so many goals for my lifetime, and sometimes it just seems like such an impossible daunting task list. I am currently trying to maintain a mind set to not look at the list as a whole, but take the first thing and start there. Once that one is accomplished, go to the next. Focus on each individual once vs the entire list. Ya get it? Regardless, I think setting goals for yourself is one of the most important things you can do. It can be any kind of goal...from cleaning the bathroom this week, to having a career that you love. The point is having something to work towards. Having goals makes me feel larger than life, only because it makes me feel that I have control over something. I find myself very uneasy in situations that I have no control over. My goal list? I always have control over that. With all that said, the larger than life flower symbolizes my personal list of goals that I want to always have and always be active with. The pocket watch coming off of the flower looks like shit. I realize that. The tattoo artist is re-doing it for me because I just couldn't do it. I told him I wanted it really really dainty and cute. I am not a good drawer but I tried so hard on Molly and I really do love her. The pocket watch? Looks like asshole. Anyhow, I can still tell you the meaning behind it. The clock will have a time on it that doesn't exist. I am not quite sure what I want that to be. Any ideas? It symbolizes the fact that there is no perfect time for anything...because a "perfect time" doesn't actually exist. If there was something I wanted to do, or buy..I can always think of something else that would be a smarter buy, or something else that I should spend my time doing. Etc. Etc. I decided awhile ago that I was going to kick those nasty thoughts in my head goodbye. If I want to experience something whatever it may be..I'm not letting anything hold me back..because regardless how long I wait, it's still never going to be the perfect time. Perfect example: My Molly tattoo. It is going to be expensive as h and expensive as h. But regardless what point in my life that I am in, I will ALWAYS have things that would be way smarter to spend my money on. I can't live my life that way..I want to experience and go out on limbs and do things that I find myself urging to do. I always wanted to get Molly at a time in my life where I felt I truly needed inspiration. That would be right now. Sure, I need to buy a washer and dryer..and sure I could put it away in my savings. But why the fuck not? I'm always going to have something that would be smarter to buy!!!!!!! Laundry mat? Pain in the ass..but to have Molly? WORTH IT! Anyhow, she is going on my outter left thigh. Then I am getting her framed. Something like this:

None of it is going to be in color. I think she will look soo cute on my thigh with this frame around her. With no color I think the shading of the frame will look really cool. It's going to be pretty darn large. He told me that will all her detail and such, we should do it 12 x 8. EEEK! How exciting! My appointment is on Thursday for 4 hours. It will probably take 2 sessions of 4 hours each. I, of course, will show you a pic Thursday evening. What I'm wondering is what am I supposed to wear when he's doing the tattoo????? Any ideas? Some short ass shorts? Brrrrr! Anyways, suuuuuuuuper excited for Molly!

Who done it

There is this lunatic lady nurse that works NOC shift and well..she's just kinda a raging bitch not gonna lie. Anyways, last night before the NOC shift started and I had my last 4 hours of my 12hr shift...I walk into the break room which was filled with the regular people that work NOC shift..she goes..okay so just so everyone knows there will be NO using the work computers for personal reasons, if caught on the internet it is instant grounds for termination..you can clear the history all you want but it still shows up on the main computer of the tech guy. (Then she looks right at me). WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES TOLD? Just kidding..she is talking out of her ass. If that was the case, me along with plenty of other people would have been fired a long time ago. But basically, someone did rat on me who really knows who...but they can basically keel over and shit their pants. Honestly I think it is so stupid. Do you know what we do on night shift? NOOOOOOOOOTHING. I mean we have things to do here and there but 3 hours and 45 minutes of the 4 hours I work on NOC shift we do nothing. Literally. Why the h does it matter if we would use the bajillion computers laying around? Instead I have to sit on a chair and safety pin my eyelids open. It seems rather inhuman to me. Last night I worked with a new guy named Rich and he is a real cool guy. He was telling me all about his recent milestones in life that are rather strikingly interesting. He is one to care way too much about what other people think about him, which is exactly how I used to be. So I was trying to enlighten him with my experience on how I changed that particular trait of mine. Anyways, this blog is taking me forever to write because every other sentence Axton is having me dig a car from under the couch out. So I think I'll just ace :P