Animal Cracker?

Is it me or does this animal cracker have a ding dong for a face?

Me

I am happy to report that for the first time in 2 years I finally feel like "me" again. Wooofta. I thought I had really lost myself in all of the changes I was encountering but in fact, I am still here. I may be a lot different, but attribute those differences to the amount of growing I have done as a person. I honestly can't really explain this "back to me" feeling...but let me just say that it is wonderful. I seriously think having Zaidyn knocked my brain back right or something. For the last two years I had the hardest time putting my thoughts and feelings into actual words..and now I can't stop. It is like everything is pouring out of me at once. As great as all this feels..I also feel like I am being very analytical of everything in my life. With good there is always bad I suppose. I do admit, my brain is on fire and I am very very very confused. But..I also am sooooooooo happy that I feel like I am busting at the seams of my own skin. <-- I really don't think I have ever made such a true statement. If I could..(which I guess I could) I would run and dance and jump and groove down the streets screaming at the top of my lungs with joy. I can't even sleep at night because I have so much going on in my brain..so much that I can't even hardly sort it all out. Anyway, busy day for me today so tootles!

Man!

Hate it when this happens! Good thing I glanced in the mirror before leaving the house!

yyyyyyyyellow

Greetings! I don't know about you folks but I don't really know how I am liking this new interface business. I am giving it a try, but if I had to give my opinion right now I'd say..I HATE IT. Just kidding I don't hate it, it will just take some getting used to. 
I thought I would write a novel for you about random stuff..with bullets. MY FAV!


* Last week I had to go to the dentist and I effing hate the dentist. I would honestly rather go to the vag doctor then the dentist. One time when I went to the dentist and they were filling a cavity, they were drilling and I all of a sudden could feel it intensely. I am scarred ever since then. Anyways, I had to get 2 cavities filled since it had been..oh you know..6 or 7 years since I had been to the dentist. I was deathly afraid. I was begging them to put me under, but that just isn't an option with just getting cavities filled. So instead I just spent that hour wishing I was dead. No biggie. After it was FINALLY over, he tells me I can't have ICE CREAM for 6 WEEKS! Get over yourself dude, you just made me sit in this chair even though I was deathly afraid and now you have the balls to tell me I can't have ice cream for 6 weeks? I DEFINITELY hate going to the dentist. 


* Thursday, Cody and I hit up a Brewers game for our anniversary. It was super fun! The 4 hour car ride to Milwaukee went by sooo much faster with him then it did the umpteen million times I had to do it by myself. We went to go visit my friend Emily who just had a baby a little over a month ago. I got to meet her little guy Ray. Zaidyn is a month older but he honestly is like the same size! Well, Zaidyn has much chunkier legs and such, but he's just a solid little guy. Kinda like Dexter except Dexter is a solid big guy. I <3 Dexter. It was really cool being at the game instead of just watching it on our TV. For the first hour of the game we were literally in direct sunlight which kind of sucked balls, but I just kept telling myself I could maybe actually get some color. Which I did. WOO HOO!


*  Every single stinking morning the storage closet in our apartment smells like shit. Well not really like shit but a mixture between shit and rotting animal. I have NOOO idea why. Yes I do, I think. There are washer dryer hook ups in there but we don't have a washer and dryer so I think it has something to do with whenever the people downstairs do laundry? Ok, you are right that doesn't sound right. It is JUST in the morning. By afternoon it smells like nothing in there. It has never been as bad as it has been the last 3 days. Gag-O-Ramaville. Get me out of this place. Just kidding sort of. We move waaaaaay too much for our own good. March is the end of our lease, and I think we will be looking for something else. Don't worry, this is only the 3rd place we have lived in 2 years. No biggie baggie boogie, I love packing for 3 people, now 4, and then unpacking for 3 people, now 4. <-- Complete sarcasm. I really don't mind this place except for the fact that we live on the second floor and it is getting kind of old. Also, I would really like some sort of patio. Also, I would like some sort of yard for Axton to play in when he gets massively full of energy..which is all the time. 


*Cody had quite a lot of time off between Thursday and Tuesday. It was really nice to be able to spend time with him again. It made me realize a lot of stuff about our relationship. Good and Bad. I'm not complaining because I don't mind discovering bad stuff so we can work on it to make it part of the good stuff. 


*Zaidyn is now 2 months old. Honestly, where has the time been going? Look at this little peanut. Could she get any cuter?!!!! 

* This girl needs to start looking for a part time job. I have one lined up that I have already been hired for but I'm having my doubts about it lately. I need to keep my eye out for other options so I can find something that will work best for our family. 


*People have been asking questions about our wedding plans lately. It has come to my attention that it is less than a year away (duh!) but that year will go by super fast. Especially with 2 kids, especially with 2 birthday parties between then, especially with the holidays between then, etc. It is a good thing I am NOOO wedding planning kind of gal and want a super super simple simple wedding. Reception shmee-shmeption. Lets just party. 


*I got a haircut yesterday for the first time in a loooooooooooong time. I tried out a new lady and I'm not too sure how I feel about her.  I remember back in the day when you would go get your hair cut and you would leave feeling like a million bucks. I felt like negative a million bucks leaving after I got my hair cut yesterday. It isn't like I did anything extreme because I can't really get a groovy haircut until after my perm is gone, and after our wedding since I want my hair to be long for that. However, I went there with my hair wet..no product because then it would be crunchy. She trimmed up my hair and then I wanted some sort of bangs in the front. So she cut my bang things and straightened them with the straightener. I really like them, but then she was like okay do you like it and took the shirt cover thing off. So I had bang things in the front that were straightened...and then the whole rest of my head was frizz fest america with no product in it, dried and in poodle status. Ummm??? Like how can I for real tell if I even like my hair when it looks like this? I'm not saying she should have straightened it all, or styled it even. But maybe offer to let me get my hair wet again and put some product in it so I wouldn't be embarrassed as hell walking out the doors. Not to mention I had to go to wal-mart to get juice since Axton ran out. How dumb! I object to this madness!!!


No more bullets, I'm done talking about what I needed to talk about. Adios until next time!! 

Holy Guacamole

I just realized today that I have not blogged in quite some time. Almost a month! This is ridiculous! What has been going on in the life of Caitloin Steak? Let me think...not much! The last two weeks I have been on a massive exercise kick. Let me define massive.... I am 23 years old and I hate to exercise. My freshman year in college I gained some weight so I went on a exercise bender for a month or so and lost the extra lbs. That is the extent of my exercising. After I had Axton it was the middle of winter so I didn't do much to try to lose the baby weight. In fact I did nothing. I was not pleased with my bod thats for sure..but I knew Cody and I were going to be trying for another baybay so it would be dumb to lose the weight just to gain it right back. Since we are not having another baby for a looooooooong time if ever..I have kicked it in high gear and I am ready to get back to the way I was before I was ever pregnant. (Minus the wide hips that won't go away..which I'm actually not bothered by my new curvaciousness) Each morning after Axton is awake and has breakfast and after Zaidyn eats we go for a nice loooooong walk. Honestly pushing the double stroller with Axton and Zaidyn in the car seat is rough stuff. My first time out I got like 2 blocks and I was like what the h? TURN AROUND! We walk for a good hour and a half now. Zaidyn sleeps through the whole thing and Axton just loves pointing to things and having me tell him what it is, which is super fun. Walking first thing in the morning has given me a lot more energy through out the day! Once I get home if the kiddos allow I do little work outs to help my oh so desperate stomach region. I have been trying to eat a lot better, but I have such a stinking sweet tooth. Besides the NEED to have something sweet after dinner, I have been doing surprising really well. So with the exercise, slightly watching what I am eating, and breastfeeding...the weight is coming off quite nicely and it's only been 2 weeks. Beginning of this I took a picture which I SO am not going to share until I have a fan-tas-tic after picture. I had a pair of jean capris that I aimed for my first goal of fitting into since I was wearing them right before I found out I was pregnant with Zaidyn. 2 weeks ago I couldn't get them buttoned and today I am wearing them :) It feels good to be getting results! I have NO motivation what so ever when it comes to exercising but I am SO ready to not be ashamed of my body anymore. Stretch marks will never go away but I'm over it. I just want to feel good about myself again. I'm not doing a lot, but the little that I am seems to be working so I am going to try my best to keep it up.

Thursday is mine and Cody's anniversary. He took the day off work so I am very excited to be able to spend some time with him. The last time he had a day off was when he was off work the couple days after Zaidyn was born. I don't even know what it's like hanging out with him anymore!!!!!!!! I miss my Cody!!!!!!!!! I think soon here he will be going down to just one job. He works his second job for his extra money to either spend on whatever or to save. He has been saving and just bought a fishing boat last week. Hopefully this weekend we can take it out if my sister is able to watch the kids for a couple hours!

Things are going great with the kids! Axton is learning new words everyday, I just LOVE it. It's one thing to know that they comprehend what you are saying..but for him to actually start saying words is just awesome. Zaidyn is getting so big! I can't believe how fast they grow honestly. Breastfeeding is going wonderfully. I had to take a break on pumping because my freezer has no more room for milk since I am home all the time and don't ever need to use it. The children are sleeping currently, which is why I am actually blogging. When they are sleeping at the same time I don't even know what to do with myself. It's been about an hour and a half and I am going crazy. I took a shower, cleaned up a bit..now I'm blogging. I HATE being away from my kids, even their nap times drive me nutso. I get that I should want a break from being "mom" sometimes but quite frankly I would just rather be with them then doing anything else. I am rather scared about when I start work again, whenever that will be. Couple weeks? Two months? Not sure, but either way I am terrified.

I will post again after this weekend to HOPEFULLY share with you events from my day with Cody thursday, and this weekend where he has 2 days off!

Too Cute

I came across this picture online and thought it was rather cute. Don't you think so? I just imagined the owners of these dogs walking into the room and seeing this. Such a random moment creating such a funny/good feeling inside. Life obviously isn't all fireworks and rainbows. However, it's the random moments like these that come along and bring a smile to your face. I am happy to say that I have many of these moments every day with my children. I'm sure if you are a parent you know exactly what I mean. Sure, my life is completely different then it used to be..and sure I don't have nearly as many people in my life as I used to. Going from having tons of friends to not very many at all used to affect me in a way that was very hard to deal with. As time has gone on, I have realized that the people that no longer talk to me, care to know what is going on in my life or how I am doing..are the people that never cared to begin with. I'm not going to apologize for getting pregnant and having everything change because it was the best thing that ever happened to me.. even if it did come along with a losing relationships that I thought meant something. At the end of the day, I count my blessings. The other night while Cody and I were laying in bed, we had a 20 minute conversation about how much we love our children. At that moment in time, just thinking about the unconditional love that I have for my children and family made me feel so fulfilled. I can honestly say that my heart has never ever...EVER...been so overfilling with love and happiness. I have everything that I need.

Woot Woot

It has been awhile since I have written, but I really don't have anything rad to say to be quite frank. Life is going great! Zaidyn is going to be a month old already tomorrow which is just so hard to believe! Time is flying by! Since it has been a month, it is safe to say that I am now comfortably adjusted to life with 2 kids. Zaidyn enjoys being held ALL. THE. TIME. which makes some things a bit tricky. She wasn't like that at first but in the last week it just seems that if she is awake then she wants to be held and/or eating. I would really enjoy finding some time to actually manage taking a shower??? Zaidyn sleeps so long at night that during the day she takes cat naps..20 minutes at absolute most. When Axton goes down for a nap and she is sleeping I know I have a short limited amount of time to get something worthy accomplished. It seems as if lately I've had to choose between a shower or some sort of cleaning task. I've opted for the cleaning task because when my place is messy it drives me nuts. A lot more nuts then me not taking a shower. Today, for instance, I have chosen to write a blog instead of shower. But I may still try to fit a shower in. I'm desperate for one! I think it is about time to write a post and spill my guts about some feelings deep inside in a jar with the lid nicely and tightly closed. Not today of course..but relatively soon. I find my mind so jumbled these days anyways that it is kinda hard to sort my even on the surface feelings out let alone the real deep ones. Getting them out in writing seems to help figure them out so I'm looking forward to that free time to be able to do so. All in all, life is so good, and I am really happy with how things are going right now!