It seems as if it is about that time. That time in which I use bullets. Now, I realize most of my blog posts are of random shit that doesn't really go. But not all the time do I whip out the bullets. The bullets make me feel better people. They really just do. It is almost like a reassurance that it is okay to be random as fuck and say whatever I want that doesn't flow together topic wise. And that'll do er.
*The people that live below me are top notch definition of absolutely ridiculous. I always bitched about the old lady that lived underneath me..and now that she doesn't live there and these dingbats do..I feel bad I ever even complained about her! Let me just elaborate on some of the things that have happened. First off, I live in the upper level of a house. They live downstairs. It is a guy (mid 30's?) and his daughter (13/14?) First off, when they first moved in I knew I was in for a real treat. Dude had his friends over allllllll the time. Majority of his friends had no teeth, drive vans, and just look all creeper status. (This is me not being judgement just saying). One evening I got home from work at 3a tired as hell...barely even aware of what was going on around me..I was walking to my door and the motion sensor light of the neighbors all of a sudden turned on and it was a dude with out his shirt on standing there with no teeth smiling as big as he possibly could and he said.."HI!" What the fuuuuuh. Don't worry dude, I won't nearly shit my pants because you are standing here with out a blouse at 3am smiling at me with no teeth being all creeper status. He constantly had people coming in and out in and out..being loud as fudge. We have a 2 car garage and I obv get one side he gets the other. Well when old lady lived there she parked right in the middle...cuz she was like 95 er somethin and didn't catch the concept of parking on one side. So they lowered my rent and we called it good since I couldn't use the garage. Once new neighbors came it was just kind of a given that I would get my spot back. Nope. Duder parked both his vehicals in the garage. Along with all his buddies parking in the entire driveway and on the street so sometimes I wouldn't even have a place to park when I would get home from work..ON THE ROAD. When old lady lived downstairs I still used the garage as storage. Well dude started piling all his shit on top of my shit....while using both spaces. Upon talking to the landlord he moved one vehical out..but still has all his shit stacked on mine. I thought maybe he just figured that was his side of the garage since he just took it over...so I moved my stuff to the other side of the garage. To find out he would just stack stuff on my stuff on that side too. WTF! One evening he was having quite the gathering. In the basement. My upstairs reeked like cigs which I was NOT happy about. I am a mild smoker..so it's not like I care about cig smoke..but I freaking care if my house smells of it..the house that my kids live in smells of it! I went down to the basement to find a table set up with cig butts everywhere...and they were using my plastic storage bins as chairs...they turned them upside down and they were all bent inwards. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not cool man. Talked to the landlord about that as well. So the trillions of humans coming in and out came to a stop. Now its just every once and awhile he has visitors but still..they are all whack jobs of the nation. Weird as hell. I mean I know I am weird..but this is a diff kind of weird. Anyways. The other night Cody, I and the kids were sitting around eating dinner at the table. I hear a ridiculous pounding at my door...like holy shit what the hell. So I run to the front door cuz I didn't know what was going on and it was the daughter. (Her name is Mary Jane btw just sayin). She gives me this snotty attitude.."ummm can I borrow a stick of butter?" For one..are you planning on fucking giving it back? Didn't think so. So I just said sure and ran upstairs got her a damn stick of butter (shit ain't cheap). She just grabs it doesn't say thanks or anything. What the hell! Next day, I was walking out to my car and dude comes out, walks up to me and asks for my WIFI internet password. He doesn't want to have to pay for internet so he was just wondering if he could use mine. WTF!?!?!??!?!?! Oh sure so then mine can go slower cuz you will be using it downstairs too. Oh my lanta I'd love to share my WIFI with you!!!!!!! NOT. Get a grip on reality dude cuz you are whack as shit man. I thought that was like...the last straw of the last straws. Nope. Last night....dude turned his house into a dance club. Must have brought his subwoofer from his car into his house. YAY! Cody and I tried watching a movie last night..couldn't even hear it. BOOM BOOM BA BOOM BOOM BA BA BA BOOM BOOM. What in the fuuuh. Shaking my floor man and vibrating my couch! ALL NIGHT LONG. This morning...STILL GOING. Round 12:30pm dude switches from rap to techno. OH HAIL NO. I called my landlord and she said it was the last complaint and he was getting his final eviction notice..but she was going to call me back in a half hour. She never freaking did! The ba ba boom boom ba boom boom shit is still going on! Cody was going crazy and he didn't want to go back to his place with the kids because it was pouring rain out. This guy seriously just is a dumbass!!! Has no common sense what so ever at all. If it is still going on when I get home at 3 this morning I am going to freak and go knock on his door. Which is what I wanted to do when it first started but damnit anyways!! I hate even being put in the position to have to do that stuff!!!!! Ugh so frustrating!!!!!!!
*A resident tonight told me that I have the smallest boobs he has ever seen. Saweeeeeeeeet! My boobs are pretty darn small. No doubt about that. I don't even wear a bra anymore dude. I haven't for probably 3 months now. I will if I need to in a shirt so that it isn't ridiculously obvious when I'm a bit "chilled". But other then that..forget it. No reason to. Any bra I wear is just dumb anyways cuz it doesn't fit right. So meh. Whateves. Yay for smallest boobs a dude has ever seen when he is in his 80's and has 80 years of looking at totties! woot woot! P.S. Maybe too much information but pre-kids I had my nips pierced and I had to take them out so that my kids could suck the life out of them..and I'm really considering getting them redone even tho it hurt like the dickins and took forever to heal. Just saying.
*So a couple days ago I was more constipated then I ever have been in my life I think. My stomach was seriously rock hard and I looked like I was 15 weeks pregnant lol. Took me awhile to figure out why I was bloated as hell and feeling like death. Oooohh yeah I haven't pooped in freaking prit near 20 days. I had that issue a lot when I was pregnant and breastfeeding so lucky for me I had some Miralax in my cupboard of medicinal goodies. Obv opted to wait til Cody came over after work cuz whenever I take Miralax I get the farts like a madman and Cody loves every minute of it. I was so constipated that I didn't even get the farts. I. didn't. even. get. the. farts. Thought for sure I would wake up in the middle of the night feelin somethin or another but nope. Come morning time my stomach was a little gurgly and I felt somethin brewin but not really. Willy came over cuz he was watchin the kids when I went to work and he brought me a Caribou Coffee drink...with 3 extra shots of espresso. The last time I got ONE extra espresso shot in my caribou drink..I got the shits. So 3 extra shots of espresso! I was for SURE gonna take care of this constipation issue. Well...bad news guys. Caribou drink and Miralax decided to work at the same time, and let me tell you something. It felt like I lost 15 pounds no joke. Am I being gross right now? Are you disgusted reading this? #sorrybutnotsorryatall <-- I love when people hashtag this on instagram. Just saying.
*So, me and Rich (dude I work with) were just talking about relationships. He is in a relationship with a man right now, but was married to a woman for quite a number of years. I am bisexual as well, so we have very interesting conversations about the difference between being with same sex vs opposite sex. It is interesting to hear his point of view on things since we have completely different viewpoints being as we are of opposite gender. I don't really have particulars right this second, but I would like to elaborate more on this topic someday. I am feeling rushed because it is almost time to leave work and I hate leaving a blog half done because then I don't finish it for weeeeeeeks! So I guess I'll just leave it at this bullet and finish elaborating next time.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Well what in tarnation!
I am extremely bored at work this evening and thought it would be a rather swell idea to whip up a blog post. We have these dumb things called silverchair learning that we are required to do..(they are these dumb test things about work related dilly dallies) but I don't want to fucking do them. So I'm not going to. I've been on strike for over a monthish now. What gives? They are dumb as hell..and the only reason they require us to do them is so it looks good for state. So you are telling me I have to spend an hour taking multiple choice tests about common sense shit that you should probably know to be a human..so it looks good for state? Forget about it. Not my style.
For one I would just like to state that I have 1.3753 million pimples on my forehead right now. YES. JACKPOT. My birth control hates me. Like, for real hates me. I want to get on something that isn't hormone based like an IUD but upon research it just seems like it's kind of a 50/50 gamble. They either are freaking awesome for people, or royally suck anus and women have major complications. Well newsflash of the century my luck is -3743474 level..so I'm not too positive I want to chance it. No periods tho on them bad boys that is enough to make ya want to chance it nah mean?
Anyhoot hoots. I just have to say that just now there was an alarm going off on one of the residents. A usual resident that wakes up during the night to use the restroom. No big deal right? Well...jokes on me cuz this said resident decided to poop everywhere. Not a big deal, it's a usual thing I deal with on a daily basis. But let me just say this....if I had to choose between cleaning up major poop mess on a man or a woman..I would choose woman. One reason. Balls. That is all.
I don't understand why this said computer screen that I am currently looking at has to be approx 2 inches from my face. It is for real. It is a dino computer so it is prob 2 feet long in the back and takes up this whole damn table...so the keyboard is like..right at the end of the table and monitor right behind it meaning that it is right in my face. WABAM. I guess that will do er on that topic.
I am DYING to get more ink. It has been too long my friends. Too long. I have been trying to save but...yeah right. I am up to my ears in bills and just keeping up is the death of me. I am in the process of consilidating my student loans to ease that burden a tad...but I don't know. Cody wants to move back in together since my lease is up soon but what the h man??? I don't really want the reason to move back in together to be because it will be easier on me financially. NOT the reason I am looking for. Also, I love living separately? I tell him this often since he tells me often how much he hates living separately. What gives? I love having my own place and not having someone to "look after/pick up after" besides my kids. This topic needs A LOT more thought. I mean... A LOT.
Okay so whenever I get forwards on my phone I think they are the dumbest shit of my life. I just don't find many things funny. Jokes, movies etc. I think other people are funny and some texts and what not in casual conversation. But not purposely posed funny things, nah mean? Anyway, got a forward today and it actually made me laugh out loud folks. Not fake, lol...we are talkin..real L.O. motha fuckin L. Fine I'll tell you it.
* A mother was cooking in the kitchen listening to her five year old son play with his new electric train set. She heard the train stop and her son say, "All of you sons of bitches who want off get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on get your asses on the train right now cuz we are goin down the mother fuckin tracks!" The absolutely horrified mother went in and told her son, "We do NOT use that kind of language in this house now go to your room for TWO HOURS. When you come out you may play with your train..but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the mother heard her son say, "All you passengers who are getting off please remember your things." He continued. "Those of you boarding we hope you will have a pleasant trip with us." The mother smiled to herself. The child then added, "Those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!" <--- Bahahaha. For real LOL status right?
One of my favorite residents passed away last night while I was at work. But I'm not ready to talk about that yet. Maybe in a couple days or something.
There is an old guy right now sitting next to me in his wheelchair. He couldn't sleep. He is seriously cute as a button. He wanted some snacks and good thing I always bring a whole god damn grocery store with me to work cuz I love munchin on goodies. So first he ate a chocolate donut. Then he ate a swiss cake roll. He wanted more. So then I offered him sour gummy worms, which he had never heard of. I told him it would give him a little zip in his zinger and make his mouth water like the dickins. So of course, being as I gave him some serious convincing words to base this trial of sour gummy worms off of, he popped one in his mouth. His face...priceless! He said and I quote, "Now what in the hell was that!?" I think it is safe to say I really give these residents a run for their money sometimes. What would they do with out me here? They call me the patch adams of the place. I don't mind. Anyway, I'm gonna end this right here cuz old man river here wants to indulge in some wheelchair races.
For one I would just like to state that I have 1.3753 million pimples on my forehead right now. YES. JACKPOT. My birth control hates me. Like, for real hates me. I want to get on something that isn't hormone based like an IUD but upon research it just seems like it's kind of a 50/50 gamble. They either are freaking awesome for people, or royally suck anus and women have major complications. Well newsflash of the century my luck is -3743474 level..so I'm not too positive I want to chance it. No periods tho on them bad boys that is enough to make ya want to chance it nah mean?
Anyhoot hoots. I just have to say that just now there was an alarm going off on one of the residents. A usual resident that wakes up during the night to use the restroom. No big deal right? Well...jokes on me cuz this said resident decided to poop everywhere. Not a big deal, it's a usual thing I deal with on a daily basis. But let me just say this....if I had to choose between cleaning up major poop mess on a man or a woman..I would choose woman. One reason. Balls. That is all.
I don't understand why this said computer screen that I am currently looking at has to be approx 2 inches from my face. It is for real. It is a dino computer so it is prob 2 feet long in the back and takes up this whole damn table...so the keyboard is like..right at the end of the table and monitor right behind it meaning that it is right in my face. WABAM. I guess that will do er on that topic.
I am DYING to get more ink. It has been too long my friends. Too long. I have been trying to save but...yeah right. I am up to my ears in bills and just keeping up is the death of me. I am in the process of consilidating my student loans to ease that burden a tad...but I don't know. Cody wants to move back in together since my lease is up soon but what the h man??? I don't really want the reason to move back in together to be because it will be easier on me financially. NOT the reason I am looking for. Also, I love living separately? I tell him this often since he tells me often how much he hates living separately. What gives? I love having my own place and not having someone to "look after/pick up after" besides my kids. This topic needs A LOT more thought. I mean... A LOT.
Okay so whenever I get forwards on my phone I think they are the dumbest shit of my life. I just don't find many things funny. Jokes, movies etc. I think other people are funny and some texts and what not in casual conversation. But not purposely posed funny things, nah mean? Anyway, got a forward today and it actually made me laugh out loud folks. Not fake, lol...we are talkin..real L.O. motha fuckin L. Fine I'll tell you it.
* A mother was cooking in the kitchen listening to her five year old son play with his new electric train set. She heard the train stop and her son say, "All of you sons of bitches who want off get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on get your asses on the train right now cuz we are goin down the mother fuckin tracks!" The absolutely horrified mother went in and told her son, "We do NOT use that kind of language in this house now go to your room for TWO HOURS. When you come out you may play with your train..but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the mother heard her son say, "All you passengers who are getting off please remember your things." He continued. "Those of you boarding we hope you will have a pleasant trip with us." The mother smiled to herself. The child then added, "Those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!" <--- Bahahaha. For real LOL status right?
One of my favorite residents passed away last night while I was at work. But I'm not ready to talk about that yet. Maybe in a couple days or something.
There is an old guy right now sitting next to me in his wheelchair. He couldn't sleep. He is seriously cute as a button. He wanted some snacks and good thing I always bring a whole god damn grocery store with me to work cuz I love munchin on goodies. So first he ate a chocolate donut. Then he ate a swiss cake roll. He wanted more. So then I offered him sour gummy worms, which he had never heard of. I told him it would give him a little zip in his zinger and make his mouth water like the dickins. So of course, being as I gave him some serious convincing words to base this trial of sour gummy worms off of, he popped one in his mouth. His face...priceless! He said and I quote, "Now what in the hell was that!?" I think it is safe to say I really give these residents a run for their money sometimes. What would they do with out me here? They call me the patch adams of the place. I don't mind. Anyway, I'm gonna end this right here cuz old man river here wants to indulge in some wheelchair races.
Monday, October 8, 2012
oh...you know.
Since the last time I wrote, I have surprisingly have found many answers to many of the questions I have been having. I know it seems crazy, but this shit is for real! It is almost like a ray of sunlight just beamed through to my life and I just feel so rejuvenated.
First off, 2 weeks ago I had breakfast with my dad. These breakfasts usually consist of us throwing ideas back and forth to each other about how we feel about life in general, our particular lives, or just random ass shit. After discussing with him some of the issues I've been having it was quite clear that I am spending way too much of my time dwelling on the past and spending way too much of my time trying to make decisions. He said that it is absolutely irrelevant to dwell on the past..because that is all it is, is the past. I disagreed to a degree because if you didn't dwell on things that happened in your past, how are you supposed to learn from your experiences? I mean technically 2 minutes ago was the past. Things happen in your life and sometimes you have to allow yourself time to reflect on them and gain from them everything you possibly can. BOOM, I'm okay with that. It would be impossible for me to go from dwelling major to dwelling not at all. So with that being said:
*Note to self: It is OKAY to dwell on things for the mere reason to benefit completely from the circumstances at hand. It is NOT okay to dwell if you are just battling with what you should or could have done to make things different.
As far as the decision making thing? BAAAAA, save me. I have always been really indecisive. It is a rather annoying attribute of mine. At first it just seemed like an annoying girl thing, that I could never make up my mind. Then I thought that perhaps I just cared too much about what people thought so I was having troubles making up my mind because what other people would think was always in the back of my head. Now I just realize both of those are invalid and I take the littlest of decisions and biggest of decisions and try to envision the effect each will have in future time. LAME! All of the above are lame actually. Anyways, I need to take a step back from this and just kind of find the stem of it. Maybe I am so indecisive because I realize that any and every decision you make matters, and since I dwell so fucking much on the past, I just have a hard time deciding what I am going to be dwelling on in the future LOL. Kidding. Sort of. Fack. It's something I'm working on alright? It is just a little crazy to think that every decision you make impacts the rest of your days. You can't ever go back and change that decision. If you make the wrong one, it can be considered a mistake. But thereafter, if you make that same decision again it just becomes a choice. I think a lot of times I make decisions based on not what I feel is best for me, but what is easiest and less harming for others. Very frustrating.
^ That was all written a couple weeks ago er somethin. I dunno. I will write and then not finish and save it. Then take forever to come back on here and finish it. Ohhh the things I do I tell you! I think I might just babble right now. So, Axton was in his big boy underwear all weekend! It was a pretty successful weekend minus of course a few accidents here and there. When he wakes up in the morning he doesn't want anything to do with his underwear..he says NO I WANT DIAPER. Then I tell him big boys wear underwear and then of course he says how he's a big boy and wants underwear. He also doesn't think he can poop anywhere but in a diaper. So that has been fun. Anyway, enough of the potty training talk..I'm just saying that my little buddy is getting big and soon will be completely diaper free. YIPPEEEE! Two kids in diapers isn't exactly my....ideal situation. Zaidyn is so damn spunky I just can't believe it. That girl holy buckets. She just sprouts everyday, and I love every minute of it. She is really into lions right now and carries one around with her and roars constantly. If Axton starts playing with any of her 3 lions, she goes up to him and points in the other direction and yells GO!! Very sternly..which is seriously...way too damn cute. She looooves to give hugs and will just walk up to me grab my leg and say Momma and hug my leg. So cute! Tell her to dance, and she dances, tell her to sing and she babbles, tell her its time to change her diaper and she runs to her room and stands by the changing table, tell her it's time to eat and she stands next to her high chair. Just way too damn cute that girl!!!!!!!!!!! She will literally come up to me and say Momma Ni night when she is ready for a nap. I just can't believe how fast time has gone by...my kids are getting so big what the heck!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, my life is just so crazy busy. I feel like I don't even have time to stinking balance my checkbook, or check my mail pile that gets bigger by the day. I need to sweep and mop my kitchen but how the suzanna am I supposed to do that with 2 hooligans running around all the time? Seriously!!! Kids are so much work!!!! Not that any of you don't know that because I'm pretty positive majority of people that read my blog are mothers. Regardless, I'm just saying. That is why I could never do a daycare as a job. Props to my sis because I just could not do it. I can take care of my own kids..babysit once and awhile..but to do that for a job..nooooo way. That takes some serious patience, physical energy, and emotional energy. Holy buckets. Anyway, I'm gonna buzz outta this joint :)
^ That was all written a couple weeks ago er somethin. I dunno. I will write and then not finish and save it. Then take forever to come back on here and finish it. Ohhh the things I do I tell you! I think I might just babble right now. So, Axton was in his big boy underwear all weekend! It was a pretty successful weekend minus of course a few accidents here and there. When he wakes up in the morning he doesn't want anything to do with his underwear..he says NO I WANT DIAPER. Then I tell him big boys wear underwear and then of course he says how he's a big boy and wants underwear. He also doesn't think he can poop anywhere but in a diaper. So that has been fun. Anyway, enough of the potty training talk..I'm just saying that my little buddy is getting big and soon will be completely diaper free. YIPPEEEE! Two kids in diapers isn't exactly my....ideal situation. Zaidyn is so damn spunky I just can't believe it. That girl holy buckets. She just sprouts everyday, and I love every minute of it. She is really into lions right now and carries one around with her and roars constantly. If Axton starts playing with any of her 3 lions, she goes up to him and points in the other direction and yells GO!! Very sternly..which is seriously...way too damn cute. She looooves to give hugs and will just walk up to me grab my leg and say Momma and hug my leg. So cute! Tell her to dance, and she dances, tell her to sing and she babbles, tell her its time to change her diaper and she runs to her room and stands by the changing table, tell her it's time to eat and she stands next to her high chair. Just way too damn cute that girl!!!!!!!!!!! She will literally come up to me and say Momma Ni night when she is ready for a nap. I just can't believe how fast time has gone by...my kids are getting so big what the heck!!!!!!!!!!
On that note, my life is just so crazy busy. I feel like I don't even have time to stinking balance my checkbook, or check my mail pile that gets bigger by the day. I need to sweep and mop my kitchen but how the suzanna am I supposed to do that with 2 hooligans running around all the time? Seriously!!! Kids are so much work!!!! Not that any of you don't know that because I'm pretty positive majority of people that read my blog are mothers. Regardless, I'm just saying. That is why I could never do a daycare as a job. Props to my sis because I just could not do it. I can take care of my own kids..babysit once and awhile..but to do that for a job..nooooo way. That takes some serious patience, physical energy, and emotional energy. Holy buckets. Anyway, I'm gonna buzz outta this joint :)
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Up in my head
Well, now and again I just have to throw a blog post out there about things a little more deeper than surface stuff. I feel like my brain moves so quickly that sometimes I don't even have time to process my own thoughts. They leave my head just as quick as they got there. The last couple weeks however I have been juggling around feelings that I'm unable to properly deal with. I was thinking that perhaps if I tried to get it down in writing, I may be able to conclude some of the feelings or find a solution to them. I love run on sentences.
I guess I should first start off by saying that I have always felt different. Not different in the sense of being an outcast, just different in the sense that I don't really have the feeling of belonging. In any given situation, place, or experience I just never feel satisfaction or fulfillment. It is quite frustrating because I do feel blessed with the people and things in my life, but yet I find myself unhappy a majority of the time. Sure, my kids make me happy..but not much else. And I attribute that to the lack of feeling close to anyone or anything. Anything good in my life I feel is always temporary. I believe this is because of my nature, not because things or people become not good enough. A lot of the times it's the circumstances that does this as well. Living far away from someone I could feel really close to, or becoming substantially different in where we stand in life. I just have extremely stubborn idealism that doesn't mesh readily with modern existence. I am becoming very frustrated with this because I don't know where to go from here.
I feel what makes up a person is their experiences. It attributes to the main development of ones character, helps decipher one's personal opinions and preferences, and above all is what makes personal growth attainable. Often times, especially lately, I find myself feeling extremely down because of all this. I have all these desires, but cannot fulfill them due to the responsibilities in front of me. I find myself longing for the chance to "experience." I just want to state that in no way shape or form am I saying that I don't enjoy my life with my kids and the things I do to keep us afloat. I do, and always will do anything in my might to keep them happy and do what is best for them.
Routine is not for me. I don't enjoy having a lifestyle wrapped around routine, and I definitely don't function the best under a lifestyle of constants either. I am a free spirit, always have been. I thrive on change, I thrive on the unknown ahead of me, and I thrive on the excitement of experiencing new things. My life has pretty much been the exact same every single day for the past 3 years. It is really REALLY starting to get to me. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew my life would change. I prepared myself for it, and entered the role with open arms. I changed myself completely, only later to realize that that was not the right approach either. I realized I could still be myself and be a great mother to my kids. The last year I have been on quite the emotional and spiritual journey. I have always said that I will spend each of my days creating myself instead of "finding" myself. However, in order to start creating myself I had to start acknowledging myself first. Acknowledge things about me that I didn't before. Face the things about me head on that I was trying to look past or avoid. The truth of the matter is that this is not the lifestyle that I pictured myself having. I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for love. I feel in myself a superabundance of energy in which I am finding no outlet in this quiet life of mine. But the reality of it is, I was given this life for a reason. I reeeeeally genuinely am desperate to find that reason. I don't think I ever will, I just feel like maybe I can have a peace of mind about it all.
I really hope I am not coming off like I am unhappy with my "Mom" role and I dread waking up each day with my kids. That is not the case what so ever. The love I have for my children is everlasting and makes me love waking up each day. They are the light in my life. I just have this overwhelming feeling that there is something missing in my life. Do a lot of people feel this way, like a constant void? I try not to think about it often because I have layered thoughts about it all. I often contemplate if this "huge missing piece" is a person? A place? I think that is why I have questioned so much about Cody and I because I kind of felt like the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with would fill that void for me. I still feel it. Is it my surroundings? Am I not satisfied with the background of my life? Well, not especially. I mean I live in Wisconsin for crying out loud. I always wanted to move out West when I was done with school. Would living in an area that had such a positive outburst of energy do the trick for me? I don't know. I'm in no position to give it a whirl that's for sure.
I just am such a layered individual, and I myself am still trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Not many people that have come into my life have known me well enough to get that. I usually give off the same first impression to people when they meet me, and unfortunately it doesn't really get past that. There have been 4 individuals in my life that I have been able to show the deeper side of me to and have somewhat understood me..mostly because they are very similar. 3 out of those four live far as hell away and the other one is my Dad. My relationship with my Dad should be a whole nother blog. But of course I will probably forget about it. Maybe someone could remind me if I don't write for a long time?
Story goes, I'm deciphering the appropriate way to get to the bottom of how I am feeling. I really would just like to find my path again. I would like to think that I am building my own path vs trying to find the right one..but nothing feels RIGHT anymore. I am indecisive as fuck, and when I finally make a decision about something and start moving in that direction, I always find myself questioning it. I don't want to live my life questioning everything..it really isn't my style. It is happening subconsciously, which is almost more frustrating then if it wasn't happening subconsciously. I will probably start writing more about this personal journey of mine. I think if someday I am able to find that peace of mind I'm so desperately searching for..it would be quite the adventure to read back about how I got there.
I guess I should first start off by saying that I have always felt different. Not different in the sense of being an outcast, just different in the sense that I don't really have the feeling of belonging. In any given situation, place, or experience I just never feel satisfaction or fulfillment. It is quite frustrating because I do feel blessed with the people and things in my life, but yet I find myself unhappy a majority of the time. Sure, my kids make me happy..but not much else. And I attribute that to the lack of feeling close to anyone or anything. Anything good in my life I feel is always temporary. I believe this is because of my nature, not because things or people become not good enough. A lot of the times it's the circumstances that does this as well. Living far away from someone I could feel really close to, or becoming substantially different in where we stand in life. I just have extremely stubborn idealism that doesn't mesh readily with modern existence. I am becoming very frustrated with this because I don't know where to go from here.
I feel what makes up a person is their experiences. It attributes to the main development of ones character, helps decipher one's personal opinions and preferences, and above all is what makes personal growth attainable. Often times, especially lately, I find myself feeling extremely down because of all this. I have all these desires, but cannot fulfill them due to the responsibilities in front of me. I find myself longing for the chance to "experience." I just want to state that in no way shape or form am I saying that I don't enjoy my life with my kids and the things I do to keep us afloat. I do, and always will do anything in my might to keep them happy and do what is best for them.
Routine is not for me. I don't enjoy having a lifestyle wrapped around routine, and I definitely don't function the best under a lifestyle of constants either. I am a free spirit, always have been. I thrive on change, I thrive on the unknown ahead of me, and I thrive on the excitement of experiencing new things. My life has pretty much been the exact same every single day for the past 3 years. It is really REALLY starting to get to me. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew my life would change. I prepared myself for it, and entered the role with open arms. I changed myself completely, only later to realize that that was not the right approach either. I realized I could still be myself and be a great mother to my kids. The last year I have been on quite the emotional and spiritual journey. I have always said that I will spend each of my days creating myself instead of "finding" myself. However, in order to start creating myself I had to start acknowledging myself first. Acknowledge things about me that I didn't before. Face the things about me head on that I was trying to look past or avoid. The truth of the matter is that this is not the lifestyle that I pictured myself having. I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for love. I feel in myself a superabundance of energy in which I am finding no outlet in this quiet life of mine. But the reality of it is, I was given this life for a reason. I reeeeeally genuinely am desperate to find that reason. I don't think I ever will, I just feel like maybe I can have a peace of mind about it all.
I really hope I am not coming off like I am unhappy with my "Mom" role and I dread waking up each day with my kids. That is not the case what so ever. The love I have for my children is everlasting and makes me love waking up each day. They are the light in my life. I just have this overwhelming feeling that there is something missing in my life. Do a lot of people feel this way, like a constant void? I try not to think about it often because I have layered thoughts about it all. I often contemplate if this "huge missing piece" is a person? A place? I think that is why I have questioned so much about Cody and I because I kind of felt like the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with would fill that void for me. I still feel it. Is it my surroundings? Am I not satisfied with the background of my life? Well, not especially. I mean I live in Wisconsin for crying out loud. I always wanted to move out West when I was done with school. Would living in an area that had such a positive outburst of energy do the trick for me? I don't know. I'm in no position to give it a whirl that's for sure.
I just am such a layered individual, and I myself am still trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Not many people that have come into my life have known me well enough to get that. I usually give off the same first impression to people when they meet me, and unfortunately it doesn't really get past that. There have been 4 individuals in my life that I have been able to show the deeper side of me to and have somewhat understood me..mostly because they are very similar. 3 out of those four live far as hell away and the other one is my Dad. My relationship with my Dad should be a whole nother blog. But of course I will probably forget about it. Maybe someone could remind me if I don't write for a long time?
Story goes, I'm deciphering the appropriate way to get to the bottom of how I am feeling. I really would just like to find my path again. I would like to think that I am building my own path vs trying to find the right one..but nothing feels RIGHT anymore. I am indecisive as fuck, and when I finally make a decision about something and start moving in that direction, I always find myself questioning it. I don't want to live my life questioning everything..it really isn't my style. It is happening subconsciously, which is almost more frustrating then if it wasn't happening subconsciously. I will probably start writing more about this personal journey of mine. I think if someday I am able to find that peace of mind I'm so desperately searching for..it would be quite the adventure to read back about how I got there.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
I'm thinkin not
*I am an instagramaholic. I love it. I go on it ten times more than I do facebook even. I hardly ever go on facebook. Okay that is a lie, I do daily. But maybe just once. Instagram all freaking day. Majority of the people I follow on there/follow me on there are complete strangers...so it is fun to get in on peoples fun adventurous lives! You could say I vicariously live through them hahaha! And I kinda like it because I can post a crap ton of pictures and not give a shit cuz the people I don't really even know...whereas facebook I have family etc etc. Not that I should even care??? Whateves.
*So the other day my mother and I went furniture shopping. She used to work at the facility that I do as of current but got a new job in the Twin Cities. Being as she is working in the Twin Cities she wanted to live closer. I told her she really needed to get on getting her house on the market because it would take awhile to sell with things being how they are in the economy etc etc. She was hesitant at first because she needed to still find a place to live but I assured her she would have plenty of time to look. She puts her house on the market. It sells in 10 days. WTF! Just my luck! Anyways, so we went furniture shopping for her new apartment. She wanted to get alllll new stuff. Totally fun right? So we went to Ashley Furniture first. I can't believe this actually happened. We were just browsing in the showroom as were a couple of other people that had gotten there after us and were behind us a bit. A representative from there walked literally right past my Mom and I and asked the ritzy ditzy looking couple behind us if they needed any help..then proceeded to ask the gentleman in a suit behind them if he needed any assistance...walked past us AGAIN and sat down at her desk. I couldn't believe it!!!I guess we didn't look rich enough to be worth her time since she works on commission. My mom was on the market for an entire bedroom set, living room furniture, kitchen table and chairs,and a new mattress and boxspring. Serves that bitch right! So when someone finally did come up to us I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it! My mom was like, girl why you gotta embarrass me!? But fuck that shit dude, who does that? NOT OKAY! I still can't believe it! Some people I tell you.
*Currently I'm sitting in a wheelchair. That's right, a wheelchair. And not by choice believe it or not. I am in the charting room at work and they don't even provide us with legit computer chairs up next to the table with computers on them. We have two wheelchairs in this room. It never crossed my mind until this evening. I looked across the room and saw Rich in a wheel chair and thought to myself, what the fuck is happening right now, we are sitting in wheelchairs. And on top of the wheelchair bizz, my wheelchair that I'm currently residing in has an oxygen tank on the back. A light just turned on all the way at the end of the mile long hallway. I totally rally raced down the hall in the wheelchair to answer it. Don't tell. Was kind of fun, not super fun but okay. My arms kinda burn a little not gonna lie. Grampa told me tonight that I am spoiling his life. I almost cried. All because I told him I had to give him a bath. Once that all got taken care of and I got him snuggled into bed he told me he was sorry if he hurt my feelings, and I'm the best. WOO HOO! Back on good terms with Grampa. Jackpot.
*Do you understand the extent of what I have to do to blog while I am at work. You don't? Well that is okay because I will tell you. First off, I just do my thang and write my stuff. After the fact, I have to clear the history, which is no big deal. Then I have to go into the control panal to then go into internet connections to go into internet options to go into delete history to select all of the above 72 options to then hit delete to then wait for it to all get deleted so they can't find out that I'm blogging about how I hide that I'm blogging while I'm at work. WINNING
*Dude. It seems as if lately I am abbreviating everything into letters when I talk and then get peeved when people don't get what I'm saying. Ex. ICD. Obv means I Can't Deal.
*I'm just curious when I can get a bunch of money handed to me?
*I'm getting a little weery of the brisk season approaching. I got a decent summer supply of clothing stocked up over the last couple months since I have lost weight but come winter I.am.screwed. I MIGHT have one pair of jeans that fit me. I MIGHT have one long sleeved shirt but maybe even not? Ugh, I could cry thinking about it. Really though, it just kind of hit me the other day how much weight I have lost when I was browsing through old pictures of when Axton was a baby and when Zaidyn was first born. I mean, I don't really quite understand how I lost so much weight. Yes I do. First off, I was a stay at home Mom for awhile and didn't get as much activity in as when I was out and about working. Once I started work again here at the facility I lost 30ish pounds in the first 3 months. Also, I walked a croipton right after Zaidyn was born. Also, I've been stressed out as H about everything in my life so...I think all of the above might have something to do with it? But no joke people, I'm smaller then I was in high school even. It's a little crazy if you think about it. Plus, my boobs are smaller then they were before I had kids. That is at least 35 pounds right there since my tots were DDD's before I had kids. Just kidding, they were still in mosquito bite status...just now they are in smaller saggy stretched mark mosquito bite status.
That is all.
*So the other day my mother and I went furniture shopping. She used to work at the facility that I do as of current but got a new job in the Twin Cities. Being as she is working in the Twin Cities she wanted to live closer. I told her she really needed to get on getting her house on the market because it would take awhile to sell with things being how they are in the economy etc etc. She was hesitant at first because she needed to still find a place to live but I assured her she would have plenty of time to look. She puts her house on the market. It sells in 10 days. WTF! Just my luck! Anyways, so we went furniture shopping for her new apartment. She wanted to get alllll new stuff. Totally fun right? So we went to Ashley Furniture first. I can't believe this actually happened. We were just browsing in the showroom as were a couple of other people that had gotten there after us and were behind us a bit. A representative from there walked literally right past my Mom and I and asked the ritzy ditzy looking couple behind us if they needed any help..then proceeded to ask the gentleman in a suit behind them if he needed any assistance...walked past us AGAIN and sat down at her desk. I couldn't believe it!!!I guess we didn't look rich enough to be worth her time since she works on commission. My mom was on the market for an entire bedroom set, living room furniture, kitchen table and chairs,and a new mattress and boxspring. Serves that bitch right! So when someone finally did come up to us I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it! My mom was like, girl why you gotta embarrass me!? But fuck that shit dude, who does that? NOT OKAY! I still can't believe it! Some people I tell you.
*Currently I'm sitting in a wheelchair. That's right, a wheelchair. And not by choice believe it or not. I am in the charting room at work and they don't even provide us with legit computer chairs up next to the table with computers on them. We have two wheelchairs in this room. It never crossed my mind until this evening. I looked across the room and saw Rich in a wheel chair and thought to myself, what the fuck is happening right now, we are sitting in wheelchairs. And on top of the wheelchair bizz, my wheelchair that I'm currently residing in has an oxygen tank on the back. A light just turned on all the way at the end of the mile long hallway. I totally rally raced down the hall in the wheelchair to answer it. Don't tell. Was kind of fun, not super fun but okay. My arms kinda burn a little not gonna lie. Grampa told me tonight that I am spoiling his life. I almost cried. All because I told him I had to give him a bath. Once that all got taken care of and I got him snuggled into bed he told me he was sorry if he hurt my feelings, and I'm the best. WOO HOO! Back on good terms with Grampa. Jackpot.
*Do you understand the extent of what I have to do to blog while I am at work. You don't? Well that is okay because I will tell you. First off, I just do my thang and write my stuff. After the fact, I have to clear the history, which is no big deal. Then I have to go into the control panal to then go into internet connections to go into internet options to go into delete history to select all of the above 72 options to then hit delete to then wait for it to all get deleted so they can't find out that I'm blogging about how I hide that I'm blogging while I'm at work. WINNING
*Dude. It seems as if lately I am abbreviating everything into letters when I talk and then get peeved when people don't get what I'm saying. Ex. ICD. Obv means I Can't Deal.
*I'm just curious when I can get a bunch of money handed to me?
*I'm getting a little weery of the brisk season approaching. I got a decent summer supply of clothing stocked up over the last couple months since I have lost weight but come winter I.am.screwed. I MIGHT have one pair of jeans that fit me. I MIGHT have one long sleeved shirt but maybe even not? Ugh, I could cry thinking about it. Really though, it just kind of hit me the other day how much weight I have lost when I was browsing through old pictures of when Axton was a baby and when Zaidyn was first born. I mean, I don't really quite understand how I lost so much weight. Yes I do. First off, I was a stay at home Mom for awhile and didn't get as much activity in as when I was out and about working. Once I started work again here at the facility I lost 30ish pounds in the first 3 months. Also, I walked a croipton right after Zaidyn was born. Also, I've been stressed out as H about everything in my life so...I think all of the above might have something to do with it? But no joke people, I'm smaller then I was in high school even. It's a little crazy if you think about it. Plus, my boobs are smaller then they were before I had kids. That is at least 35 pounds right there since my tots were DDD's before I had kids. Just kidding, they were still in mosquito bite status...just now they are in smaller saggy stretched mark mosquito bite status.
That is all.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Titles are for the birds, I'm telling you!
*I know I have said this before but SERIOUSLY!!! Coming up with a title is so dumb, I can't even stand it. Yes I can, I lied. I just don't like it. For awhile I went with the no title approach but then it's annoying on the side because it doesn't show up as a post.
*Next matter of business, my favorite old guy at work. I call him "Grampa". Let me just clarify, my favorite old lady is "Cupcake" and my favorite old guy is "Grampa." Since I obviously can't use their real names. Not that I actually use their real names anyway that is what I call them. Anyways, I was gettin Grampa ready for bed tonight as I usually do. He is very VERY particular about how he likes things done. A lot of people don't have enough patience for Grampa, but I just love him to pieces. Anyways, Grampa somedays is aware of what is going on and really with it, but other days his dimentia is really extreme. It just depends. Sometimes he can be with it, take a nap, wake up and be out of it. Today he was on and off. I was getting him ready for bed (maybe I should tell you that I was getting him ready for bed ONE more time), and he asked me why I have stuff all over my arms. I said, I like it Grampa, don't you like it? And he said, well I think you are a very pretty girl and I just think you don't need that stuff. This is what he says to me everytime he is with it. Then he says, are you married? I said no. He asked how old I was and I told him 24. Then I asked him how old he was. He couldn't remember and was getting really frustrated with himself. He says, "ohhh gol I just can't seem to put my finger on it". I said Grampa it's okay, we all forget things sometimes. Are you over 80? (I know he's 92). He says, I know it's over 1000 but that is all I know, he said! LOL. Emily, don't talk shit about my lack of " and ". Forget that bizz I was too lazy so lets not get all technical and shit alright.
I was going to write more but I ran out of time!! I'm sure I'll write again on Friday. I picked up a shift tomorrow from 6-10p but I won't have time to diddle on this bizz. Friday I'll try though :)
*Next matter of business, my favorite old guy at work. I call him "Grampa". Let me just clarify, my favorite old lady is "Cupcake" and my favorite old guy is "Grampa." Since I obviously can't use their real names. Not that I actually use their real names anyway that is what I call them. Anyways, I was gettin Grampa ready for bed tonight as I usually do. He is very VERY particular about how he likes things done. A lot of people don't have enough patience for Grampa, but I just love him to pieces. Anyways, Grampa somedays is aware of what is going on and really with it, but other days his dimentia is really extreme. It just depends. Sometimes he can be with it, take a nap, wake up and be out of it. Today he was on and off. I was getting him ready for bed (maybe I should tell you that I was getting him ready for bed ONE more time), and he asked me why I have stuff all over my arms. I said, I like it Grampa, don't you like it? And he said, well I think you are a very pretty girl and I just think you don't need that stuff. This is what he says to me everytime he is with it. Then he says, are you married? I said no. He asked how old I was and I told him 24. Then I asked him how old he was. He couldn't remember and was getting really frustrated with himself. He says, "ohhh gol I just can't seem to put my finger on it". I said Grampa it's okay, we all forget things sometimes. Are you over 80? (I know he's 92). He says, I know it's over 1000 but that is all I know, he said! LOL. Emily, don't talk shit about my lack of " and ". Forget that bizz I was too lazy so lets not get all technical and shit alright.
I was going to write more but I ran out of time!! I'm sure I'll write again on Friday. I picked up a shift tomorrow from 6-10p but I won't have time to diddle on this bizz. Friday I'll try though :)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Nah Mean?
For those of you who know me..you know that I come up with the most random shit to say. Not always super weird stuff, but I always seem to have a new "thing" that comes out of my mouth frequently on a weekly basis. This week..its balls. I'm not kidding around here people. I guess it's better then saying the F word. Anything bad/accidental/whatever that happens..balls with other words sometimes surrounding it comes out of my mouth. Tonight at work I was helping one of my two favorite residents..(I call her Cupcake)..anyhow..she wanted me to move a box of crap in her room that her family dropped off that she wanted nothing to do with. Well the box must have been ancient because when I grabbed the handle it lasted approx .2 seconds until it ripped and the box landed on my foot. Unintentially 'BALLS' came out of my mouth with a face of extreme pain. Cupcake says, "What kind, basket-balls, base-balls, saggy-balls?" I said..all the above Cupcake, all the above.
Speaking of ancient, the old lady who lives under me moved out. I think she went to the nursing home/assisted living. I would see her outside from time to time and wonder how the heck she was managing living on her own but whateves. It is her nephew that owns the house I live in. Regardless..I am a huge fan of old people..obviously..but she was one old person I was not a fan of. Seriously not a nice old lady. Remember like a month ago when we had a hot spell where everyday was approx 120 degrees? Well I got home from Cody's house one morning and I had a letter sticking in my door. This is what the letter said:
Dear Tenant:
This letter is regarding your garbage. Mrs. Howe came home and it was very stinky. It was stinking up the garage and she could barely stand it. This needs to be addressed right away.
The Landlord
Okay for one, it was written in extremely old lady handwriting. For two, her nephew that owns the house has a property management company that deals with all the business..so if the "landlord" was writing me a letter, she certainly wouldn't have it hand written and signed "the landlord"...I am on "texting terms" with the landlord so it was VERY evident it was old lady. I was really quite aggrevated by this letter. When summer first approached she wrote me a letter saying that she did not want my garbage bin outside because it was distracting the look of her flowers. So then I put my garbage bin in the garage. Now my garbage is in the garage and she is telling me it stinks up the garage. It was like 100 degrees for 4 days straight, I have 2 kids in diapers, what the fuck you expect me to do!??!?!?!?! "this needs to be addressed right away" REALLY LADY? Okay, let me fucking call up the magic garbage fairy and have her come take care of it for you. I couldn't decide whether I was going to write her a nice letter back (addressing it to "the landlord" of course and putting it in HER door since that is who she think she is obv) or if I was going to call up my ACTUAL landlord. I decided to not take the writing her a smart ass letter in return approach and I just called my ACTUAL landlord. (Yay for grown up decision making!) She was highly irriated. She said she would be over in 5 minutes to pick up the note from the old lady. She picked up the lettter, brought it over to the owners house in which he freaked the heck out about it, and that is that. Unfortunately for old lady Howe, I did not get scolded for my stinky garbage. Anyhow, she no longer lives underneath me. RATS! I have been highly debating calling up my landlord and seeing if I can move in downstairs. LOL. Ok I know I move a lot but just hear me out okay. When I first moved in the winter, I was concerned about living upstairs at a house because of loudness etc. I have 2 kids etc. etc. Well, they told me it wouldn't be an issue because old lady that lived downstairs couldn't hear if a tornado siren was going off in her kitchen. So I never had any problems. But being as someone who isn't ancient is most likely moving in downstairs..I feel weird about it. The last thing I want to do is stinkin tip toe around my house because I don't wanna make anyone mad. I would much rather listen to obnoxious loudness then to be the person causing obnoxious loudness & irritating people. And just living on the first level would be so much easier. It wouldn't be that bad of a move, it's only downstairs..I wouldn't really even need to "pack" that much ya know? The place is empty and today some guys came and said they were doing some renevations down there. The door was unlocked so I obv went down to take a gander at the place. The living room is larger than mine, and the kitchen is about the same size just a different set up. The rooms are a bit smaller, but it really wouldn't be that big of a deal at all. The only downfall is that it doesn't have a huge pantry like my place upstairs :( POOP! I am fairly positive that if I talked to my landlord about moving downstairs after they do the renovations, they would totally be cool with it. I just really need to think about if it is worth all the work. I think I moved there in March..so my lease would be up in 7ish months. Now, if Cody and I decide to move back in together..that is where I would hesitate on moving downstairs. I could just deal/human that moves in downstairs could just deal..since Cody and I wouldn't live in my current place together upon living together again. BUT, if we decide to continue living seperately or things don't work out between the two of us..then I plan on staying where I live for awhile. So what the h? Who really knows.
Why the hell don't people play board games anymore? I'm sick of it. I just want to have a party. A board game party where humans aren't lame as balls and just play some damn scrabble or trouble or pictionary or whatever! I'm just saying.
Duuuude, my hair is really irkin my tator. Ever since I bleached my hair and went bright red/hot pink my hair is a hot mess. It is soooo fried at the end and no longer porous. Therefore, anytime I dye my hair the ends don't hold color for longer then 3 washes. I can't take it! It is fine when my hair is down, but when my hair is up in a messy bun er somethin..the color difference is like 4 katrillion shades. I can't deal. My hairdesser lady told me all I needed to do was come in and get a deep conditioning treatment for like 30 bucks and that would do the trick but I just haven't gotten around to it and I just want my hair to fix itself lol. I could just chop all the bad stuff off but I don't wanna do that either. For pits sack. I really wanna go bright again. But dang that ruined my hair like you wouldn't believe. Ideally, I would love to have a very light purple/lilac colored hair. Maybe when I win the lottery and can afford to go get it done the right way I an attempt such bizz. Anyways, I gotta roll out, some butts are painin for some wipage.
Speaking of ancient, the old lady who lives under me moved out. I think she went to the nursing home/assisted living. I would see her outside from time to time and wonder how the heck she was managing living on her own but whateves. It is her nephew that owns the house I live in. Regardless..I am a huge fan of old people..obviously..but she was one old person I was not a fan of. Seriously not a nice old lady. Remember like a month ago when we had a hot spell where everyday was approx 120 degrees? Well I got home from Cody's house one morning and I had a letter sticking in my door. This is what the letter said:
Dear Tenant:
This letter is regarding your garbage. Mrs. Howe came home and it was very stinky. It was stinking up the garage and she could barely stand it. This needs to be addressed right away.
The Landlord
Okay for one, it was written in extremely old lady handwriting. For two, her nephew that owns the house has a property management company that deals with all the business..so if the "landlord" was writing me a letter, she certainly wouldn't have it hand written and signed "the landlord"...I am on "texting terms" with the landlord so it was VERY evident it was old lady. I was really quite aggrevated by this letter. When summer first approached she wrote me a letter saying that she did not want my garbage bin outside because it was distracting the look of her flowers. So then I put my garbage bin in the garage. Now my garbage is in the garage and she is telling me it stinks up the garage. It was like 100 degrees for 4 days straight, I have 2 kids in diapers, what the fuck you expect me to do!??!?!?!?! "this needs to be addressed right away" REALLY LADY? Okay, let me fucking call up the magic garbage fairy and have her come take care of it for you. I couldn't decide whether I was going to write her a nice letter back (addressing it to "the landlord" of course and putting it in HER door since that is who she think she is obv) or if I was going to call up my ACTUAL landlord. I decided to not take the writing her a smart ass letter in return approach and I just called my ACTUAL landlord. (Yay for grown up decision making!) She was highly irriated. She said she would be over in 5 minutes to pick up the note from the old lady. She picked up the lettter, brought it over to the owners house in which he freaked the heck out about it, and that is that. Unfortunately for old lady Howe, I did not get scolded for my stinky garbage. Anyhow, she no longer lives underneath me. RATS! I have been highly debating calling up my landlord and seeing if I can move in downstairs. LOL. Ok I know I move a lot but just hear me out okay. When I first moved in the winter, I was concerned about living upstairs at a house because of loudness etc. I have 2 kids etc. etc. Well, they told me it wouldn't be an issue because old lady that lived downstairs couldn't hear if a tornado siren was going off in her kitchen. So I never had any problems. But being as someone who isn't ancient is most likely moving in downstairs..I feel weird about it. The last thing I want to do is stinkin tip toe around my house because I don't wanna make anyone mad. I would much rather listen to obnoxious loudness then to be the person causing obnoxious loudness & irritating people. And just living on the first level would be so much easier. It wouldn't be that bad of a move, it's only downstairs..I wouldn't really even need to "pack" that much ya know? The place is empty and today some guys came and said they were doing some renevations down there. The door was unlocked so I obv went down to take a gander at the place. The living room is larger than mine, and the kitchen is about the same size just a different set up. The rooms are a bit smaller, but it really wouldn't be that big of a deal at all. The only downfall is that it doesn't have a huge pantry like my place upstairs :( POOP! I am fairly positive that if I talked to my landlord about moving downstairs after they do the renovations, they would totally be cool with it. I just really need to think about if it is worth all the work. I think I moved there in March..so my lease would be up in 7ish months. Now, if Cody and I decide to move back in together..that is where I would hesitate on moving downstairs. I could just deal/human that moves in downstairs could just deal..since Cody and I wouldn't live in my current place together upon living together again. BUT, if we decide to continue living seperately or things don't work out between the two of us..then I plan on staying where I live for awhile. So what the h? Who really knows.
Why the hell don't people play board games anymore? I'm sick of it. I just want to have a party. A board game party where humans aren't lame as balls and just play some damn scrabble or trouble or pictionary or whatever! I'm just saying.
Duuuude, my hair is really irkin my tator. Ever since I bleached my hair and went bright red/hot pink my hair is a hot mess. It is soooo fried at the end and no longer porous. Therefore, anytime I dye my hair the ends don't hold color for longer then 3 washes. I can't take it! It is fine when my hair is down, but when my hair is up in a messy bun er somethin..the color difference is like 4 katrillion shades. I can't deal. My hairdesser lady told me all I needed to do was come in and get a deep conditioning treatment for like 30 bucks and that would do the trick but I just haven't gotten around to it and I just want my hair to fix itself lol. I could just chop all the bad stuff off but I don't wanna do that either. For pits sack. I really wanna go bright again. But dang that ruined my hair like you wouldn't believe. Ideally, I would love to have a very light purple/lilac colored hair. Maybe when I win the lottery and can afford to go get it done the right way I an attempt such bizz. Anyways, I gotta roll out, some butts are painin for some wipage.
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