Groovy Gertrude

So its official, I'm back to sucking at blogging. In my defense I'm SUPER busy lately with work and what not so forth. If it means anything, I think of something I should blog about at least every day. If only I could blog via cell phone while breastfeeding or on break at work?? So, as usual I might as well warn you now that this will be rather hefty for there are plenty of topics I will talk about, and plenty I will probably just refrain since they are pretty irrelevant.

Firstly, and most importantly, my friend Emily came to visit me for the weekend. I can't really express how much this was needed!!! I had Friday and Saturday off of work and she got here Friday afternoon. We didn't really do much, which is exactly what I prefer. We got to hang out, catch up on life, and obviously have a grand time with all the kids! She has a baby named Ray who is a monthish younger then Zaidyn. (Which is exactly why we refer to them as boyfriend and girlfriend!) It will be a lot of fun when they get a little older and can actually play with each other! She was going to leave Saturday afternoon and then we both simultaneously decided while I was taking a poop and we were texting each other that it wasn't going to happen. Yes we were texting each other while I was pooping, and yes I did just tell you that. Anyways, so we decided we would bring the kids to Mall of America to walk around and people observe and not buy anything. Anyhoots, right after we get the diaper bags packed etc..(which obviously takes a bit) it started snowing!!!!! So then we looked up info on the weather and decided we probably shouldn't. So then instead we went to Wal-Mart approximately 2 minutes from where I live and got the scraper brush things for snow. Pretty close to the same adventure, right? Anyways, so we decided to get a bit crafty Saturday night. I only have pics of what I made but she made some really cute stuff too!

I realize those pics are are extremely messed up but I don't really know what I did?? Nor am I going to try to fix it. You get the jist. I'm going to make a bunch more headbands and pins in different colors and such. I'm not really a crafty person by any means, but all Zaidyn's headbands are too small and I wanted something for my hair too.

I also just need to let everyone know that Dino Donald is no longer with us. He had lost an arm this past summer, and on the 19th of November at approximately 6:27pm, he lost his leg as well and can no longer survive.

Axton is taking things pretty good...it actually doesn't seem to phase him. To Axton, he now has 3 toys to play with instead of 1. He sometimes carries the arm around...he sometimes carries the dino with missing appendages around..and sometimes he carries around the leg. You can bet your butt though that regardless which of the 3 he is carrying around..he roars the whole time he's playing with it.

Here are some other pictures of my weekend with Emily. P.S. so dumb because her and I didn't even get a picture together. What the h!

Baby Ray and Baby Zaidyn

Baby Ray in the Jumparoo

I was seriously a mopey Mildred when Emily left Sunday morning. Honestly, I just miss living in Milwaukee so much and being able to see my friends. When I originally found out I was pregnant with Axton, I moved home because it was necessary for survival. I needed my family for support since it was a really hard time in my life with a lot of changes. As of lately, it just feels like I'm here for no reason. I don't even hang out with anyone ever. I see my Mom only for short periods of time when she watches the kids before I go to work, I never see my sister, I never see my Dad or step Mom unless they are watching the kids on the weekend when I work..I hardly ever see my friends here...ever...I never see my brother, never see my grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. Soooo why am I here again? Just wondering. I don't feel close to anyone here anymore. Hell, I don't even feel close to Cody anymore. And I'm not saying its anyone's fault..life is busy and that is just how it is. But if that is the case, I can live not in bumfuck Egypt. I guess upon moving home I never intended on it being a permanent thing, and that's kind of how it feels right now. I mean..if someone would ask where I see myself in 5 years, it certainly is not Menomonie, Wisconsin. I just don't know what the heck to do anymore. Hanging out with Emily just made me realize how much I miss being around my friends and being around people where I can be ME. I have made so many sacrifices to be "MOM" when in all reality most of them aren't necessary in order for me to be a good Mom to my kids. Our lease is up here in March, and once that arrives I really just don't know what I'm doing. With anything. Any chance we can just fast forward to April so I can see where I'm at and not have to think or decide anything right now??

Remember back in the day when I was telling you about how I was going on a serious mission to lose weight so I didn't have to feel like shit about myself? I remember stating that I would post a before and after picture once I had a reasonable after picture since the before picture was so nasty. Well, I think I'm ready for the after picture. I mean not just yet since I don't really feel like taking one..but soon I will. Before I found out I was pregnant with Axton I was 130 pounds. I really didn't plan on ever being able to get back to that, but today I stepped on the scale and it said 125. I almost keeled. I haven't weighed myself probably in over a month..but I knew I had lost more weight because I had to get different jeans since all my jeans were too big to the point where I couldn't wear them with out having my ass crack stick out ridiculously and/or have saggy ass syndrome. Being back to my original size/a little smaller makes me real upset I got rid of allllllll my pants I had before. DAAAAAANGET. Course now I don't have any money to just go raging shopping for all new clothes. I am real stinkin happy though about losing all the weight I gained with Axton and Zaidyn and then some. Doesn't really fix the stretch marks though?? On this subject, I started birth control a couple weeks ago. I really didn't have many options since I'm still breastfeeding. So I got on the pill that doesn't contain estrogen. Well it royally messed me up. For one, this particular pill makes it so you don't get a period, but you can have occasional spotting. I wasn't thrilled with that because it's not like I would know when this "spotting" would occur..so its like AWESOME let me ruin every pair of underwear I own while I'm at it. Ladies I know you know what I'm talking about. And sorry I'm not going to wear some Hanes Her-ways every day til I'm done taking the dumb pill. So this "spotting" turned into massive massive bleeding where I was going through a tampon every hour!!!! I said eff this and stopped taking the dumb pill because I didn't know how long that was going to last for. On top of the bleeding, my face was like pepperoni/high school style. I had like one million pimples everywhere when I don't remember the last time my face was even kind of bad. So to say the least, even though the birth control was short lived, it really did its job. So now I'm just not on anything again. I really don't know how much longer I'm going to be breastfeeding for...so I don't really feel like figuring something out in the meantime when I could be done breastfeeding in a couple weeks. So I'm going to take the celibacy route. (baaaaaaahahaha kind of joking not really though) Getting pregnant right now is not something that I could handle. To say the least. I'm so paranoid about getting pregnant that I feel like if I even watched a show about how babies are made, I would be paranoid about getting pregnant. Okay enough of this talk.

Next subject, Zaidyn. She is losing her hair! Her beautiful red hair!!!!!!!! She used to have tons and tons of it, it curled at the top even. In a matter of no time she just starting losing sooo much of it. She has the grandpa style now. Duh I took a picture to show you :

How sad!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean she still is cute as heck no doubt, but her beautiful hair is gone! I really hope it still comes back red or I WILL probably cry.

So Christmas is coming up and I'm getting really excited because I just LOVE Christmas spirit. I really don't care much for the presents etc etc...but dang I really do like all the Christmas lights up on people's houses, the stores all festive, and just the all round jolly feel of Christmas. I use to love driving around looking at all the lights on houses. I bet this year Axton would enjoy doing that with me. I decided that even though I love when people decorate the outside of their houses, I will never do it. I am far too lazy for that. Plus, apparently it really does increase your electric bill substantially. Who would have guessed with all the lights and gadgets, huh?

So, like I said before, I want to (try to) remember to document current songs that are my fav. You know, so if I do someday try the whole music timeline thing. With that said, my favorite songs right now are:
*All I Need by Matt Kearney
*The A Team by Birdy

*You Found Me by The Fray (Which I have always liked the Fray but have been listening to them quite extensively lately. I really really like them.)

*Constellations by Jack Johnson

*Tremolo by Lismore (Kayla check this one out I think you'd like it)

*What If by Coldplay

So today I hope to have a legit hang session with some friends. I really feel like playing board games for some odd reason so I hope I can! Ashley and Alyx are coming over, and hopefully Jamie later after she is done with work at 3. If everyone ends up coming over, it will be the first time us 4 have hung out in FORRRRRRREEEEVVVVVVVVVEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! I'm just in a real stinkin good mood today so I'm real glad for that.