Thoughts

I woke up this morning feeling a little funny. I can't really put my finger on the feeling, all I know is that it wasn't the most pleasant one. I had a million things running through my head the second my eyelids opened for the first time today. I have been pregnant for 4 months, and in 5 more months I will have a baby in my arms that is all mine. I don't want to say that it hasn't hit me yet, because it has on numerous occasions. Just today I have been thinking thoughts I haven't really before. This was very much a surprise, and is now taking me down a path I never imagined would be plowed for me at this moment in my life. Sometimes I think, if I only knew this was going to happen now, I would have partied a little harder before, or tried to actually save my money to travel a little bit more, or been that much more adventurous. If I only knew seems to be the beginning of many thoughts this morning. I read how my friends are going back to school in 2 weeks, and how they had so much fun out the night before drinking etc etc etc. The fact is, I'm not upset that I can't do these things right now. I have no problem giving all that up for the health of my baby. I just won't fully realize the extent of how much this is going to change my life until the baby is actually born. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am pregnant, and I would be excited to tell anyone in the whole world that I have a little one on the way. I guess I was just proven to me today that everything happens for a reason. And even if you have your life planned out one way, it doesn't mean its always going to go that way. The only thing you need to remember about living life is exactly just that. You just have to live it. You don't have to plan anything, you don't have to decide anything. You just have to let what happens happens. Know nothing, but know everything at the same time. Say nothing, but say everything at the same time. Be nothing, but be everything. <--- that is something for a completely different blog for a completely different day. Regardless, even though someone may look at my situation as a burden, I just want to say that something like this happening is the exact opposite. What keeps my mind positioning positive, is the fact that I know I will love nothing more then I will love my child. It will be my reason for living, and my reason to live up to my full potential. I already feel this unconditional love for my baby, and I have not even met it yet! Love cannot be explained in words, though I suppose one could try. When I lay in bed at night and I am not quite sleeping yet, but just thinking, I get the mini adreneline rush that feels directly on my heart, and the butterflies in my stomach. And this is the feeling that I get when I am very much reassured that even though this isn't what I planned for myself right now, it will be the best thing that has ever happened to me.